Saturday, 20 July 2019

Beware - I'm Thinking

The other day I got thrown off the bus. Never happened to me before; but the bus driver threatened to call the police unless I got off the bus. I hadn't done anything wrong I tell you. But let you be the judge of that.

Before I relate what happened let me ask you a personal question. Be honest now. How do you read?

You're sitting there, or here, or anywhere really; I can't tell where you're sitting. Some of you may be standing perhaps. So, you're there wherever you are and you're reading this on your monitor. How are you reading it?

You see ... when I read something I read it as I was taught at school. I run my finger over every word and read it out loud.

There I was on the bus reading Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. 

I started the first paragraph pointing at each word, and reading loudly, "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife ..."

The other passengers looked at me and at first said nothing. I continued reading, "My dear Mr Bennet," said his lady to him one day, "have you heard that Netherfield Park is let at last?"

Mr. Bennet replied that he had not.

“But it is,” returned she; “for Mrs Long has just been here and she told me about it.”

Mr. Bennet made no answer.

A man sitting opposite me said, "Can't you read quietly mate? I'm trying to read my newspaper!"

I said politely, "Sorry to have disturbed you. But I often see people on this very bus and on the train speaking loudly on their cell-phones. No one ever tells them to quieten down. What am I doing that is so different?"

At this point the bus driver stopped the bus and asked me to get off. No discussion. No argument or debate. Just get off. Which I did.

Anyway, I was sitting in my garden this evening looking at nothing in particular and ruminating about my bus episode when I noticed a moth flying backwards and forwards towards the light.

"What is the point of moths? I thought. What do they do and how do we benefit from their existence? They enter our homes and can eat our clothes if we're not careful.

Do you know how to get rid of moths in your homes? Lavender bags. You need to have bags filled with dried lavender flowers. You pick the bag and hit the moths with it. Very effective.

The problem is that you'll have a house full of old people. Why is it that old people like lavender so much? 

I used to have a grand-mother that always smelled of lavender. You could smell her from a mile away. My other grand-mother smelled of pot-pourri. You could tell which grand-mother was visiting us ten minutes before they arrived.

My grand-father smelled of moth balls. As a child I often wondered whether moths had balls!

My other grand-father always smelled of liquor. He always had a saying for every occasion. He used to say, "Always fight fire with fire!" He lost his job in the fire brigade.

I didn't like my grand-parents because of their smells; although I could tell who was who in the dark.

I tried to confess my sin of not liking them. At church we had a wooden confessional. The priest sat in the middle and we knelt on either side and told him our sins through a small window. 

I told the priest that I don't like my grand-parents' smells.

He told me to keep my voice down because my grand-mother was sitting on the other side of him. He did not tell me which grand-mother it was. 

I could not smell her because the priest was smoking his pipe at the time. Either that or he was getting ready to say Mass. Why do Catholics burn insects in church? What kind of insects do they burn? Do you think it is moths?

Anyway ... as I was saying ... how do you read? Do you run your finger on the monitor and read loudly?

If not, you should try it in a public place like a bus, or coffee shop. It's good fun and it annoys other people.

17 comments:

  1. Loud talking on the cell phones always bothered me when I commuted to work by train. It would not have been so bad if I could have heard the other half of the conversation. At least these days every conversation does not start with, "Guess where I am calling from!"

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    1. I agree 100%, JoeH. I too used to find it annoying on the train with people on the phone, or listening to music on their headphones loudly.

      God bless.

      Delete
  2. Ahhh...nice stream of consciousness going on here :-)

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    1. Indeed ... yes ... maybe ... perhaps ... I'm confused.

      God bless, Kathy.

      Delete
  3. You are not annoying Victor...far from it.
    I love that you take the world by the "moth-balls" and come up with great stories like this one.
    Must confess that I never liked confessionals... I am claustrophobic so I didn't go that often.
    How do I read? To myself. I am to to to read out loud.

    Great post...thank you and God Bless ✝

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Stupid tablet went nuts again...I mean went "moth balls" again!
      That was supposed to be "to shy to read out loud :)

      Delete
    2. I understand what you mean about confessionals, Jan. These days some priests allow confession in a room; just sitting there in chairs. I asked my priest whether I can confess by phone, or by e-mail. He frowned and did not answer me. What do you think he meant? He was thinking silently; but it does not work. It's not like reading silently, is it? Next time I see him I'll tell him he should have the moth balls with which to convey his thoughts.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  4. Great point about people loudly conversing on their cell phones! At last (hurrah), someone besides myself who likens the smell of lavender to the elderly! That and African violets.

    Me? I generally do my blog visits with one elbow perched on the desktop, chin in hand, a'la The Thinker. :)

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    1. I remember in Olden Days, there was a brand called Yardley. It made lavender scented talcum powder as well as other lavender things. I wonder if it still exists.

      Why can't someone invent garlic scented cologne or after-shave? I once wanted to get my wife eau-de-toilette; but the toilet seat fell on my head.

      Do you read loudly at your desktop, Mevely?

      God bless.

      Delete
  5. Did you know I stand at my computer, Victor? Indeed, I do, so no finger pointing at the screen and no reading aloud. But I must admit, reading your blog often has me laughing out loud, and that's a good thing!
    Blessings!

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    1. Well, I am glad I make you laugh out loud, that's better than reading out loud. Unless you read my Blogs to your family, which is good.

      God bless, Martha.

      Delete
  6. Talking on cell phones, like everyone wants to hear your conversation, is very annoying. When I read, I read in silence and always have a book in my rucksack for those occasions when I'm on a bus.
    Happy weekend, my friend!

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    1. I have tried reading in silence, but it did not work. The priest asked me to do the readings in church on Sunday. I approached the lectern and read in silence. He got annoyed with me. I never get it right somehow.

      God bless, Bill.

      Delete
  7. Reading this as I sit in my recliner, laptop on my lap. I do not run my finger along the words, nor do I read out loud, but I do think people talking loudly on their cellphones are rude. Agreed!!

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    1. You should try reading loudly in public places, Terri. Like in a restaurant. It is fun and it annoys people.

      God bless.

      Delete
  8. I sit in front of my computer and read silently, but do laugh out load lots of times reading your posts!!

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    1. I am glad my posts make you laugh out loud, Happyone. Why not try reading them out loud to family and friends. Or better still, send them to my Blog so they can laugh too.

      Thanx and God bless.

      Delete

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