Who's fault is it you're extinct?

There was a program on TV about various creatures facing extinction. Today's episode was about the panda.

He looks cute, big and cuddly, with black rings round his eyes. Everyone loves a panda. Who would not want such a cuddly creature in bed with them on a cold night? Me ... for a start.

I know there are a lot of sentimental people with cuddly soft toy pandas, or other creatures, either in bed or certainly in pride of place in their homes. In fact there are many charities trying to save such creatures by seeking your financial support who would offer to send you such a cuddly toy in exchange for your money. For some reason, the panda is a favourite with many people. They like to have a big, fat, over-stuffed cuddly bear on their beds.

But imagine it was the real thing? A live smelly dirty creature growling and tearing your sheets and bed covers? Imagine him walking all over your house doing his business wherever he wants, and knocking your furniture, and breaking that lovely porcelain vase that your mother-in-law with no taste gave you as a wedding present! You'd soon change your mind wouldn't you?

Soft toys and cartoon characters give us and our children a totally distorted view of what is reality in the animal kingdom and the way they live and survive ... or not.

If the panda is facing extinction then let us consider why; and ask whether it has in any way contributed to its dilemma and dire situation.

For a start he exists on a diet of bamboo mainly.

Secondly, panda bears, especially the males, seem to take very little interest in mating, especially in captivity. What's wrong with them? In their dull world devoid of TV, cinema, music and sports, what else has captured their interest so much to turn them off sex?

Let's focus on their stupid diet. I've heard of being vegetarian but this is taking it to extremes.

If I were taking a young lady on a nice evening out I would probably book a table at a French restaurant, or possibly an Italian one, depending on her taste in food. I would not ask her to chew on a stick of bamboo.

So the panda is starting on the wrong foot right from the beginning. Relying on just one diet is stupid at the best of times. Has he not heard of pizza? You can hardly expect her to flutter her eyelids and smile enticingly as she leans forward revealing her low cut décolleté just to nibble on an old stick of dry grass.

The male panda should realise by now that bamboo sticks are hardly an aphrodisiac, like oysters or asparagus tips or a delicate nice wine and soft music - preferably something like Frank Sinatra or such like.

The male panda should show an interest in his companion. Scientists have tried various methods to get him to mate, including would you believe showing him videos of pandas mating; now that's animal porn! And even giving the male Viagra type medicine. But it was all to no avail. He prefers to chew on a stick of bamboo instead.

Can you imagine the female panda smiling coyly and asking, "Am I the first one to sleep with you?"

And he replies, "Naaah ... they all fall to sleep within a minute or so. I guess they're as tired as I am!"

So you see ... extinction is perhaps its own fault on some level or other.

The same applies to the dodo. It was a large flightless bird who just did not fear humans being near them. Even though humans were much larger than them. They were easy to catch and get eaten and, before long, they became extinct.

Then there is of course the dinosaurs. At one point in life they seem to have ruled the world. They were everywhere and were feared by humans who were seen as easy prey for dinosaurs. Then one day an asteroid hit the earth and killed all dinosaurs, all species, all sizes and all kinds.

Serves them right for all standing on the same spot where the asteroid hit. Humans were scattered around and survived.

I'm sure you can think of other creatures facing extinction through their own fault. I realise that man is a destructive creature and we are all guilty in some way or other of driving many animals to extinction. But then ... there are those animals who do nothing to help themselves. Like all those fish who complain that there is too much plastic in their diets. Well, I have news for them. There is also too much plastic in our human diets too. These days the only way to get a healthy square meal is to get rid or the food and eat the packaging it came in.