Good morning, how may I help you?
Hello, it's about my trash bin ...
What trash bin is that Sir?
You know ... the wheelie bin we have to collect the trash ...
What does it look like, Sir?
Well ... it looks like a wheelie bin ... they all look the same. Do you want me to send you a photo?
That would help Sir. Send an attachment photo on our website. Type reference BIN 69. Thank you.
Good afternoon, how may I help you?
You're a woman!
Yes Sir, I am ...
It was a man before!
Ehm ... I have always been a woman ... how can I help you?
I have sent a photo reference BIN 69 ... the other man told me so ...
(Pause) Yes I can see it now ... what appears to be the problem?
I was about to tell the other man that the wheel is damaged and he asked me to send a photo.
Ehm ... (pause) there is no OTHER man, Sir. You have spoken to a male colleague and I am a woman. How was the wheel damaged?
Well ... you know ... wear and tear and that. Old age I suppose. Like all of us, when we get old things fall off. They hang more loosely than before and sag. I think the wheel is doing the same and might fall off.
Did you damage it, Sir?
No of course not ... if anything, it was your Refuse Collection Operatives ... is that what you call them these days?
Do you have a name?
No ... well ... yes ... I have my own name. But I don't know the name of the Refuse Collection Operative. I am not on speaking terms with him, although I've lived at this address for ten years or so. I'd guess over that period we have had a number of different Refuse Collection Operatives and I have hardly spoken to any of them.
I need to record here who was responsible for the damage, Sir.
Well, all of them I'd say. They seem to handle the wheelie bins without due care and attention. I make a point of leaving the bin on the edge of the side-walk; on the bit that slants downwards gently towards the road when we drive the car in and out. Yet the Refuse Collection Operatives ... all of them ... handle the bins roughly and pull them and push them off and on the side-walk itself ... so they fall down a few inches ... or up a few inches ... instead of wheeling them gently on the sliding bit of the path. It's like they are dancing with a drunken kangaroo!
Did the kangaroo damage the bin, Sir?
No ... of course not ... what kangaroo? I don't have one. Or any for that matter. It's the rough handling of the bin by the Operatives that did it. I suggest it would have been better if the refuse lorry drove on the side-walk itself, then you wouldn't have to get the bins up and down in such a rough manner.
I still need to record the person who damaged the bin, Sir.
It was old age ... you know ... Father Time!
Father Time ... is he a priest Sir?
Father Time ...
Eh ... (pause) ... yes ... yes ... he is a priest. He damaged the wheel on the bin. I saw him do it.
Yes ... he has one ... Reverend ... that's his first name.
Thank you Sir. We shall send you a replacement wheelie bin within three days. No charge. It is paid for by your Local Environmental Taxes.