Facts you may know ... or not

There are so many facts, or so called facts, we read about or are told about in life. They stick in our minds and perhaps we believe them. But are they true? 

In the next few minutes you will learn some facts which I have researched thoroughly in a scientific book I am writing - so they are all true.

For example, you must never go swimming after you've had a meal. My grandfather once went swimming straight after eating a burger and fries and was attacked by a shark. Luckily he survived because the shark was vegetarian. 

Talking of swimming, or keeping fit to be more precise; a friend of mine has just started work as an Internet Fitness Coach. I asked him how this works. He said he teaches people to lift the keyboard up and down ten times, balance the mouse on their nose, and do press-ups on the monitor.

Anyway ... let's move on ...

Did you know that after mating the octopus does not smoke eight cigarettes? This is because it cannot light them under water.

When pursued, the centipede detaches one of his legs which he throws at his pursuer. The hunter stops to eat the leg and the centipede runs away to hide. Unfortunately, most of them get killed anyway when they return to retrieve their lost shoes.

In Scotland scientists have successfully bred chickens and turkeys with four legs so that people can have more legs at Christmas and Thanksgiving. Unfortunately the birds ran away so fast that no one could catch them. 

The cat can run up to 40 kilometres an hour. Faster if he is in a racing car.

A statistician in Cambridge UK has worked out that there are 98 different ways to tie a tie. Unfortunately at the 99th attempt he choked himself to death.

There's a museum of failed products. It exhibits products that have been invented and marketed but never caught on as commercially viable. One such product is toilet paper with no perforations. Originally, the idea was to buy a long roll of paper and a small packet of perforations which you put in the paper yourself.

Another failed product is a super glue that sticks everything to everything. It failed because people could not take the cap off the tube.

Psychologists have discovered that most burglars are lazy and will not break-in into their neighbours' houses. They burgle their own homes instead.

Zoologists have discovered that hyenas tend to laugh at their own jokes. That is why very few of them are stand-up comedians. 

Also, slugs are claustrophobic snails who are afraid to live in their shells.

Skunks have great memories. Whenever the wind changes suddenly a skunk would stop and say, "Ah ... it all comes back to me now!"

House flies have compound eyes made up of thousands of individual visual receptors, called ommatidia. When a fly lands on a mirror it says, "That's another way of looking at it!"

The octopus is a delicious delicacy enjoyed in many countries. Unfortunately the dish is very expensive because the octopus runs so fast with his eight legs that no human can catch him quickly enough. On the rare occasion an octopus is caught and taken to the kitchen he wrestles with the cook and throws all the knives and kitchen utensils all over the place. When he is sometimes over-powered and put into a large pot of water, the octopus uses his free tentacles to turn off  the cooker.

In Wales UK a farmer fed one of his cows cocoa beans in the hope that he would get chocolate milkshake. When he got down to milk her she kicked him in the head because she prefered strawberries.

Marriage Guidance Counsellors report that generally husbands do not remember their mistakes. There is no point in both couple remembering the same thing. Also, husbands are best at keeping secrets because they never listen anyway. And archaeologists make the best marriage partners; the older you get the more interested they are in you.

I am very good at keeping secrets. Years ago friends of mine got married in secret in a far away town. They only invited very few well trusted friends like me. On the morning of the wedding I called a taxi at my hotel. The taxi driver asked me where I wanted to go and I did not tell him. He asked several times and I kept the secret safe with me. 

In Victorian times a popular pastime was pressing dried flowers between the pages of books. The hobby has had a great comeback since I started publishing books. I visited a friend recently and he had one of my books on a shelf in his garage. It was covered with dust. I opened it and it was full of dead moths and silver fish.

I commented about this, and he said he was keeping it as a Christmas present for someone he doesn't like.