The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
----------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
----------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
----------------------
Don't let worry kill you off — let the Church help.
----------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM — prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are
sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to
someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.00am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
-------------------
And this one just about sums them all up:
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge—Up Yours.'
Oh Victor, you outdid yourself again! These religious 'gaffes' & 'typos' cracked me up! Thanks so much for this today! Every one of them made me almost spit out mouthfuls of my morning coffee! I'll be saving this page on my computer -- for sure!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Susanne. I'm so glad you enjoyed today's offerings. Please encourage others to visit us here.
DeleteGod bless.
These are all fantastic, but the last one takes the cake, Victor! These truly had me laughing out loud. Thanks for the funnies!
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
It shows, Martha, how careful we should be when typing messages and posts. Looky Lee I am car full I never meek misteaks!
DeleteGod bless you.
Always fun to see the "Bulletin Blooper". I think I had heard all of them but never to late for a good chuckle. I use to do our church bulletins, and I've made a few of those myself.
ReplyDeleteMust always be careful what we write, Wanda. Keep smiling.
DeleteGod bless you and yours.
LOL, love these bits of humour Victor. It's classic and so you. :)
ReplyDeleteThanx Bill. You're very kind.
DeleteGod bless always.
...many never reread what they write.
ReplyDeleteThat is true Tom. Seems people are always in a hurry.
DeleteGod bless you.
Oh my word, it feels so wonderful to laugh! That last one reminds me of something my parents experienced while on a Russian freighter cruise. Before the welcome dinner began, their captain - obviously unfamiliar with the English language -- raised a glass to toast his guests: "Up your bottoms!" (Truth! I think my mother almost wet her pants.)
ReplyDeleteThat's a good one, Mevely. I like it. Lost in translation!
DeleteGod bless you always, my friend.
Dearest Victor,
ReplyDeleteThose are hilarious and we call them here Church Bloopers!
Hugs,
Mariette
I am so glad you liked them, Mariette.
DeleteGod bless, my friend.
💕
DeleteGod bless, Mariette.
DeleteMy husband enjoy all your stories each day. Thank you for sharing your talents and humor with us. God bless and keep you.
ReplyDelete***My husband and I both enjoy them. Excuse the typo. 😊
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Nells for taking the time to write in. I am so pleased you and your husband enjoy my writings. God bless you both always.
DeleteI've read these before but they make me laugh every time!!
ReplyDeleteThey're good, aren't they?
DeleteGod bless, Happyone.
Not even spell check could help these people out.
ReplyDeleteIndeed knot, Kathy. Sorry ... I meant net ... nit ... not. Indeed not.
DeleteGod bless.
Methinks the church bulletin needs a new editor!
ReplyDeleteYes I agree, Mimi.
DeleteGod bless you.
LOL :)
ReplyDeleteAll the best Jan
God bless you, Jan.
Delete