Help me, doctor!

The doctor wrote saying it was time for my annual check-up. They wanted to check that my sense of humour was still intact. 

 

As part of the check-up I had to go to the hospital to give blood. I hate doing that, don't you? For a start, it is too far away requiring either a long drive or a couple of buses, (not at the same time - you ride a bus up to a point then change for another bus. I don't think you're paying attention).

Anyway, I decided to send a friend to give blood instead of me. Handed over my card and hey presto it was done. They don't check your identity in hospital. They just take your card and your blood.

A few days later I got a letter from the doctor about the blood test result. It said I was pregnant. I was in shock. How could it have happened? My friend did not tell me she was pregnant; it didn't show. Can you become pregnant by giving the wrong blood at the hospital?

I did not dare tell my wife I was pregnant. She wouldn't understand. Neither can I to be honest. She'd be upset. Angry even.

 

Should I confess to the priest that I am pregnant out of wedlock with my wife?

I rushed to my doctor for an explanation. As I waited outside her Insulting Room a nun came out crying her heart out.

I entered the doctor's room and asked, "Why is that nun so distraught and crying?"

"I told her she was pregnant!" replied the doctor still looking at her computer screen.

"Is she?" I asked, thinking the nun must have given the wrong blood too.

"No," replied the doctor, "but I sure cured her hiccups!"

She then explained that she often tells her patients they are pregnant to elicit information from them. She said she suspected something was wrong when the blood donation I gave at the hospital recently was a completely different type blood than the one they have on record about me. 

I did not say a word about the urine sample my friend took to hospital for me. It was not mine. It was the dog's.

I wonder if he is pregnant too!