Important facts you should know and remember

 

This statue of four satyrs was found in Rome. It is now in the Louvre in Paris. I depicts Omphaloskepsis.

They are not looking at what you think. Omphaloskepsis means navel-gazing - contemplation of one's navel as an aid to meditation.

I did some meditation once when I got out of the shower. I stood there and contemplated. I won't tell you what my wife said when she saw me!

Eratosthenes. That's another word, or name, you'll never forget. Eratosthenes measured the Earth’s circumference mathematically using two surface points to make the calculation. He noted that the Sun's rays fell vertically at noon in Syene in Egypt at the summer solstice. In Alexandria, also in Egypt, at the same date and time, sunlight fell at an angle of about 7.2° from the vertical. So by sticking a stick in the ground and measuring its shadow he worked out the circumference of the earth at the equator.

It wasn't until many years later, at the time of Galileo in Italy, that a pizza salesman discovered that the earth's circumference, at its largest point around the equator, is just under 25,000 miles. Apparently he had read it in a book somewhere.

Now that fact is important - remember it. Around the equator, the earth's circumference is just under 25,000 miles - let's call it 24,000 miles.

Since we know that the earth goes round a whole revolution, from left to right, in one day, then it is right to assume that if I stood at the equator facing East, I would be travelling at 1000 miles and hour: 24,000 miles divided by 24 hours = 1,000 miles an hour. In fact, it is faster than that because, as we said earlier, the circumference is just under 25,000 miles.

At that speed my wig would fly off.

If the earth were to suddenly stop; like you putting the brakes in a car suddenly very hard, we would all slide along the ground for miles. And we would need a lot of cream to put on our scraped backsides.

The murrelet is a bird which migrates 8,000 kilometres, (5,000 miles), from Canada to winter near Japan and China, even though the climate is similar at the two ends. It is the only bird known to cross the whole North Pacific. They then start a return trip in February, flying four or five hours a day. It just flies there and back for no apparent reason.

Unlike me. When I have to go somewhere I've never been to I always go there the day before to check how to get there. I once travelled all day to check where my meeting was in Edinburgh. When I got back home very late at night; it was time to go back again for my meeting.

Did you know that there is a shop in Edinburgh who pride themselves that they will search and find your own family tartan if you tell them your surname. I told the manager my name was Donald Duck. He could not find a tartan with such a surname. They did make me a Coat of Arms though.

Another fact for you.

Did you know that you get taller when out in space? Because of the lack of gravity, and gravy, astonauts get up to two inches taller when out in space. They gradually lose that extra height when they return to earth.

Also, the wild boar, because it is so full of fat, will always float when in water. It will never sink or drown. If you want to learn to swim just tie two wild boars to your arms and you'll float like a Donald Duck.

The sand wasp always flies backwards when leaving its nest so that it remembers what it looks like and can find it again when it returns home.

I did that once when leaving home and tripped and fell backwards in a bush full of thorns. It was an experience etched on my backside.

As you know, mosquitoes are attracted to blood. So if you are having a picnic or barbecue in your garden, place a bag of blood near your neighbour's fence and all the mosquitoes will go there instead.

Did you also know that mosquitoes are afraid of chickens? This is because chickens actually eat mosquitoes. They peck them in mid-air and eat them. So when you have a picnic have some chickens walking around freely in the garden to keep the mosquitoes away. If you run out of beefburgers you can put a chicken on the barbecue.

A raindrop is fifty times heavier than a mosquito. So when it rains the mosquito spreads its legs because it is squashed and it slides away.

In order to make snails move faster place some oil in their path. They can get up to great speeds then and you can have your own snail race. 

A problem for you: if you were to throw a snail, a cat and a grandparent into a bush. Which one would return back to the place from which they were thrown?

The grandparent. No matter how far you throw a grandparent into a bush they will always return to you. They may even bring you an apple pie, or some nice present. Amazing.

Where do you think the tattoo goes when you go to a specialist to have it removed? Say you have a tattoo on your body, and its removed. Where does it go?

Apparently, when they use lasers to "melt" the tattoo the ink is dissolved and absorbed by the body and it comes out in one's poo! People with removed tattoos can see it in their poo afterwards!

Have you ever wondered where the dry leaves that fall of a tree in Autumn go? That's the ones you do not pick up yourself.

Well, I'll tell you. At night the worms come out of the ground and pull the leaves down into the ground where they decompose and enrich the soil. 

Check it out in Autumn or Winter and you'll see some leaves almost standing on one end where they've been pulled in by the worms.

Once the children left their skipping rope in the garden. I noticed that the worms had started pulling it, bit by bit, into the ground. I held the other end to pull it out and I felt a tug on the rope. Obviously, a worm underground was still holding on to the rope and pulling it in. I pulled. He pulled back. I pulled some more. He pulled stronger. I tugged hard. He must have called for reinforcement because the rope was pulled even harder dragging me on the ground as I fell forward. A tug-of-war ensued with both me pulling and no doubt a multitude of worms pulling at the other end. I felt myself being dragged into the ground and perhaps buried alive. I cried for help, holding tight to the rope. The dog came out in the garden and bit my backside. I was in real pain shooing the dog away and being dragged by the worms. I did not let go the rope. I managed to stand up and pull with all my might. Suddenly the worms let go the rope and I flew backwards into the bush full of thorns. The same type I fell in when I walked backwards from my house; only this one was in my back garden. I still have the rope and the bush top prove it.

 

Finally, did you know that I auditioned for a part in the film The Sound Of Music?

 

I auditioned for the part of Mr Hill in the song The Hills are alive with the sound of music.

 

They turned me down because of my accent. I told them the part was a silent one. But they turned me down anyway.

 

Shame. I could have been famous like Julie Andrews.

 

Here's a demo video I took with me for the audition.