Making decisions

 

There I was, ironing the creases out of crêpe paper and watching football on TV; and I started to think of times gone by when I had to make many a decision on the spot, or after long deliberations, even.

Decisions are often difficult to make. I've always been a little indecisive, but as I grew older I became less sure. For example, I can never decide whether to buy crunchy or smooth peanut butter. So I get neither and buy some Guinness instead.

Anyway, there I was watching TV one day when the kids came in with their new pet, a young and lively golden Labrador. "We're thinking of calling him Tulip", they said. 

"That's a silly name for a dog," I replied, "you need to call him something masculine to make him feel proud!"

"What shall we call him?" they cried.

The film Jaws was on TV, so I said, "call him Shark".

That was a bad decision when I had to call a runaway dog on the beach the following year.

Another bad decision is when I received a letter from the Headmaster of the children's school. Apparently, the Religion teacher had asked one of my children, "who broke the walls of Jericho?"

The child replied, "not me". Probably in jest. I don't know. The teacher told the headmaster and the headmaster wrote to me.

In sheer frustration and a little irritation ... I can't remember the right proportion of each, I picked up the phone and rang our priest. He was, after all, one of the school governors. 

He was very kind and promised to speak to the headmaster and get the wall fixed and paid for from the maintenance budget.

Anyway, that decision to ring the priest worked out OK at the end. Do you ever find yourself in difficult situations and you don't know what decision to make? 

This happened to me years ago when I was travelling on business. It had been a long day and I got to my hotel room really tired. I just wanted to go to bed.

There was a knock on the wall from the room next to mine and a voice said, "Is anybody there? I need help. I have fallen. Is any body there?"

How inconsiderate of him to pray so loudly, I thought. I knocked back on the wall and said, "We are all fallen. It is our sinful nature. Do me a favour mate, and pray silently!"

He knocked back and cried loudly, "I have fallen. I need help. I need help."

In sheer desperation I put a pillow over my head so that I could not hear him.

Bad decision. The Tooth Fairy wanted to take all my teeth. I told her in no uncertain terms where to go. Never put a pillow over your head or she'll get the wrong message.

Anyway, the next morning as I was going down for breakfast, I noticed there were ambulance men in the room next to mine.

I told one of them, "It's a priest this man needs, not one of you!"

I don't think the ambulance man understood me. He looked at me with disdain and told me to move on.

Just because he's got a uniform he has no right to speak to me like that. I'm not a moron, you know!

I wish I was better at decision-making, though.