Never Pick An Argument With A Woman

 

My Grandfather told me years ago never to have an argument with a woman.

DISCLAIMER: I don't think he meant all women. Some women are very reasonable you know ... like those visiting here.

(Phew ... ... ... that was close!)

As I was saying ... a few days ago I got into an argument with a woman without even saying a word. I was at the supermarket minding my own business and doing the shopping whilst following the list I was given when I heard this female voice behind me.

"You mustn't buy that melon," she said, "it is not ripe. It's as hard as stone and will taste of cucumber. It will never ripen at home. Here, let me help you."

She picked up another melon and said, "You've got to squeeze them hard here, and here, and see if the skin gives under your thumb. If it does, it is ripe. If not, put it back for some other mug to buy it!"

I said nothing and smiled.

"I see you got some tomatoes," she continued, picking them from my trolley, "they are too soft and squelchy. You need them a bit harder for a salad. Here, let me change them for you. And that cucumber too ... it's too short and will taste bitter. Short cues always do, because they have not matured properly. I'll get you a better one."

I was about to say something but then I remembered my Grandfather's advice. I did not want to start an argument with her in public. Certainly not in the supermarket. 

I got thrown out of there once for standing in the "baskets only" checkout queue when I had a trolley. I explained that I had only two items in my trolley, fewer than any of the other people with baskets with several items. But the manageress won the argument and threw me out. My Grandad was right all along. Women!!!

Anyway, I said nothing as she came back with another packet of tomatoes and a new cucumber. She then rummaged into my trolley and criticised my choice of bread, the cheese I had bought, and several other items which were wrong and could be improved with her help. 

To add to my embarrassment, she picked up an item and said in a loud voice, "shame on you buying this ... you being Catholic and all!"

That's when my wife came on the scene having been elsewhere in the shop and she said, "Mom ... leave him alone. I am training him to do the shopping!"

So there you are ... never pick an argument with a woman; especially your mother-in-law.

I remember on another occasion my wife and I were walking in the park and we saw three men attacking mom-in-law and trying to steal her handbag. I stood there shocked.

My wife said, "aren't you going to help?"

I said, "No ... three against one is a fair fight; your mom would lose if it was four against one!"