What's in a name?

 

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet" said Shakespeare. But then, he never had a skunk called Rose did he? 

Choosing a name for a child or a pet should be a well thought-out procedure. Don't go for the first thing that comes to mind.

Some people name their children the most thoughtless, and sometimes cruel, of names. Like the girl I knew whom we called at college Cris. It was short for something, but we did not know or care what it was. To us she was Cris Lear.

On graduation day they call your full name when you come on stage to collect your certificate. Her full name was Crystal Shandy Lear. What sort of warped idiotic parents did she have?

Other people name their children after the names of their favourite celebrities, or after the names of all the players in their favourite football team. Or name their children after the place where they were conceived ?????? 

I knew someone called In The Car Park Behind KFC.

Naming pets can be just as troublesome if you don't choose properly. Years ago we had a small dog. I wanted to call him something macho to give him confidence, and to give me confidence too that I had a strong dog, even though I didn't. So I called him Shark. It was not a good idea when he ran loose on the beach and I ran after him calling his name.

An old man living near us, when we lived in London, one day had a small dog. I saw it in his garden. He must have called it Help because all day I heard him shout "Help ... Help ... Help ..." After an hour or so he must have found it because he stopped shouting. That afternoon there was an ambulance outside his house. I never found out why. Perhaps the dog was ill.

What has brought all this on, you may well ask. Well, the thing is we have a dog and a cat which have been named. The dog is called Sit. He gets confused when I call him, "Come here, Sit!" The cat has any name you care to call him because he doesn't listen anyway. The tortoise is called Speedy for obvious reasons and the rabbit  ... well ... I wanted to call him Tasty but I was over-ruled. He is called Bob.

Now the family want to name the fish and the frogs in our pond. I suggested Fish 1, Fish 2, Fish 3 and so on. And the same for the frogs ... 1, 2, 3, and so on up to 100 if you count the tadpoles too. What do you call those swimming creatures that become frogs? Tadpoles or newts? I call them Fish Food, because presumably fish eat them. 

Anyway, I suggested we call the fish and the frogs in numerical order. I was over-ruled once more because the family want to distinguish each creature individually so as not to give them an inferiority or an individuality complex. You know ... it's like when you have twin children you should not dress them the same and smother their individuality. I used to hate wearing my twin sister's clothes!

So there you have it; the family want to name each fish and frog individually. 

When I was young my parents called me "Hey you ..." and "Be Quiet". For the first few months as a baby they encouraged me to say my first word and then they called me "Shut Up".

My first words as a baby when I saw the world around me were, "Is that it?"