Friends

 

I found a few photos of us when we were kids. This is me above. I did not have a beard then. We were a group of friends from school and church.

There was Bald Basilica Ben. We called him that because he had a head like the dome at the Vatican. I remember at school when the nun, Sister Crumply Face ... we called her that because she had a lot of wrinkles on her face ... like a bed in the morning when it has not been made up ...

Anyway ... when Sister Crumply Face finished the Religion class she said, "let us pray like Jesus taught us."

Bald Basilica Ben said, "I did not know Jesus had a tortoise!"

She sent him to the Headmaster for a good talking to. He was called, Mr Limp ... on account that this was his real name and unfortunately he walked with a limp on account of a motorbike accident when he was young. 

Apparently, he searched the Bible and could not find any reference to Jesus having a tortoise. So he told Bald Basilica Ben that Sister Crumply Face was perhaps mistaken when she said "let us pray like Jesus' tortoise!"

Another school friend in the photos was Pest Control Pete. We called him that because once in class he broke wind and the smell was so strong the teacher had to open the window. He said there's a smell here that would obliterate rats for miles around. I had to look up the word obliterate in the dictionary. From that day we called Peter "Pest Control Pete".

The teacher did not know who broke wind in class. We called him Mr Car Doors. He was called Mr Cartwright, but we called him Car Doors on account that he had sticking out ears like a car with its doors open. On a windy day he would revolve round like a ballerina doing a pirouette ... or a revolving hotel door.

Then there was another kid called Fungus Face. We called him that because once we dared him to eat an onion. He took a bite and made a funny face holding back the tears trying to be brave. He kept the onion bits in his mouth for a while and then spat them out on Steve. It was so funny. Steve was covered in onion bits and saliva. So from then we called him Spat-On Steve.

There was also Harry; we called him Grass Eater because he liked boiled cabbage when we had school lunches. In those days, the teacher said grace before we started eating. I doubt it happens now in schools. I used to hate tapioca. We used to call it frogs spawn because it looked like little balls of jelly. We used to like spotted dick though ... do you know what that is?  

Did you have a funny name when you were young? Or now?

I was called Professor, because when I got my glasses the priest said I looked like a Professor.