Saturday 8 September 2018

Invitation to join a successfull business venture

Dear Friends,

I have a very interesting business proposition to put to you which will mature into a valuable investment.

But first let me give you some background.

A certain member of our family recently made a batch full of black buns. Now for those who don’t know, this is a rich Scottish fruitcake which is encased in pastry and then cooked. It is a particular delicacy up North on Hogmanay; and other celebratory occasions.

Now for some reason, this particular batch of black buns was harder than usual. I mean, black buns in our household are normally hard, but this lot was so hard you could have built a house with them. If you had enough of them that is; which thankfully we didn’t.

No one wanted to eat them so I took them to the local park to feed the ducks in the pond. To my amazement the black buns floated on the surface of the water. Perhaps they were hollow inside, or the rising pastry had trapped some air between the casing and the fruitcake inside.

As soon as these pastry bricks floated on the pond a flock of ducks came floating towards them cackling with excitement. The sound attracted even more ducks and swans and birds who gathered around me for a Scottish feast.

Surprisingly, their sharp beaks managed to break through the concrete pastry and into the cake but … oh horror … as soon as the ducks and swans ate some of the fruitcake they sank to the bottom of the pond like stones. A while later they got up to the surface and quickly got out of the water belching and farting and searching for indigestion tablets.

I got home somewhat dejected at my failure in introducing our ducks to a Northern delicacy; and then it hit me … (someone threw a black bun at me which I had inadvertently forgotten behind!).

I picked up the bun and pondered. As I held the cake in my hand the warmth I generated started to soften the pastry. I ate a bit. It tasted nice and soft; so did the cake inside.

And that’s how genius works, my friends.

I had in my hand a hard edible substance, hard enough for me to stand on it without it crumbling, yet body warmth makes it soft, and safe to eat, and sweet.

What if I had enough black buns ingredients to mould the cake into the shape of a seat?

We quickly made another lot and in about an hour or so we had made a small baby-sized chair. It was strong enough for me to sit on, I tell you; yet, after a while I could break off a bit from the chair and eat it.

That’s it folks! Edible furniture has arrived.

We’re now discussing business terms with a furniture manufacturer and a large bakery nearby.

We intend making all sorts of seats, chairs, sofas, armchairs, as well as tables and other household items.

We’re thinking about different flavors too. Chocolate is a distinct favorite as well as vanilla flavored pastry and savory cakes too.

Can you imagine the endless possibilities?

You invite guests to dinner at your house and end up eating the furniture. We’re considering meat and vegetable flavors too as well as vegetarian and vegan products.

The advantage of this is that you save on expensive meals which you have to prepare and cook and, every time you have a party you have a new style of furniture to keep up with the latest styles and fashions … and flavors.

If you go on a picnic, all you have to take with you is some chairs which you can eat whilst lying there on the beach, or nearby a river, or in the park. And don’t worry about cleaning up afterwards. Any crumbs you leave behind will be eaten by the birds.

Imagine for a moment sports venues where all the spectators sit on edible seats which they eat whilst enjoying the football game. They’d be able to book a seat in advance in their favorite flavors.

The same applies to cinemas and theaters. Can you see yourself eating through an opera or a concert?

I’ve received this morning an order for a large consignment of said edible furniture from a famous Department Store. I could have shown you the order, but I ate it.

So if you wish to make a fortune, you’d better invest in this new venture right now.

It’s selling like hot cakes.

20 comments:

  1. And just like Fruit Cake here in America, you can give this furniture as a gift at Christmas and it will become a family heirloom...because even though it may be edible at one time, no one wants to eat it and it gets hard as a rock all over again! It's the gift that keeps on giving. Aunt Martha gave it to cousin Charles and he gave it to so on and so on and so on!!!

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    1. Indeed you are right, Jan. Soon you'll see this furniture on Antiques programs on TV and at antique auctions. A little bitten perhaps, but still functional to sit on.

      Black bun is a fruit cake. Probably like the none you have in the US. But completely covered in pastry. That's what makes it hard.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_bun

      God bless.

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    2. Yep!!! Except for the pastry...it's definitely fruit cake. Wow! Just looking at the photo of it had my blood sugar rising even if I could slice that crust without a chainsaw!!!

      Blessings~

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    3. I tried it when in Scotland. It is OK I suppose, but I couldn't understand why they had to cover a nice fruit cake, (a bit like the English Christmas pudding), with pastry. The pastry was sweet too. It can be cut into slices with a sharp bread knife.

      God bless.

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  2. It is probably just me Victor. I do not like the fruit cake that we have here in the USA and so I have judged all fruit cakes by ours and that was wrong of me.

    Blessings~

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    1. Here too, we have a variety of fruit cakes. The traditional Christmas pudding is one such variety. Usually eaten with brandy sauce, or custard.

      God bless.

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  3. This post has me pondering - what will Victor "cook" up next? Your imagination is astounding, my friend! And no, I don't like fruit cake on this side of the pond, but who knows? I might enjoy the Scottish variety.
    Blessings!

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    1. As I mentioned to Jan, there are a variety of fruit cakes. Dundee cake is one such variety with almonds on top. I bet you haven't tried Flies' Graveyard, or Flies' Cemetery.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flies%27_graveyard

      God bless you, Martha.

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  4. LOL to Jan's comment! Always funny, my friend!!

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    1. Indeed, Terri. We're mostly fruit cakes around here!

      God bless.

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  5. I grew up in a family that hated fruitcake. I was the only one who liked it and I still do. I have it during the holiday season. My grandmother used to make a mean fruitcake.
    Love your humour, Victor.

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    1. Fruit cake is nice, Bill. I found it odd when in Scotland that they then covered it with pastry as well. It was nice, though.

      Glad you enjoyed my story.

      God bless you, Bill.

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    2. Yes, I agree with you here, fruit cake is delicious, especially with a cup of tea.

      All the best Jan

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    3. Indeed Jan. I have a recipe we use for a fruit cake made with tea.

      God bless.

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  6. I like Jan's reply. : )
    What happens if you eat your chair and the movie isn't over yet? : )

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    1. Presumably, you'd be allowed to move to another chair, Happyone. We're only making the furniture at this stage. It's up to the cinema management to deal with such situations.

      God bless you.

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  7. The image of those water fowl sinking … then arising and belching gave me such a fit of the giggles. Love your imagination, Victor!

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    1. You should have heard their language as they got out of the water, Mevely. Fowl ... it was. Really fowl.

      God bless.

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