Unmasking A Truth

BONZO BOOKSHELF

They say that an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters might be able to write the complete works of William Shakespeare.

What nonsense. And who are "they" who often pronounce these and other words of wisdom which, in the best part, are meaningless?

Words like, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." More nonsense. If you want to keep people away try garlic. Try it for a week or so and it should prove grounds for divorce.

Or, "Take one day at a time." Even more nonsense. Personally I would like to take a whole week at a time, but I can't. Because I don't control time. The days come one by one. And anyway, I never leave for tomorrow what can be left for the day after that; or for ever.

What is the point of mowing the lawn if it will grow again anyway? Or painting that damn fence and garden gate? I've been told about it a million times and it still has not been painted. Has the world come to an end? Have the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse come riding by to proclaim that the world will end because I have not painted the gate and fence? No. So why I am being reminded of it daily? Does it really matter so much?

"They", (again), call all these sayings, and similar advisory stories "old wives tales". How unfair. How ageist. Why "old" wives? Why not young wives? Is it always old wives who say things like "if at first you don't succeed try and try again"? More nonsense. Personally, I think that if you don't succeed it is because you are not meant to. You are not up to it. Better give up and let someone better than you do it.

How many "do it yourself" jobs in the house have had to be put right by professional plumbers, carpenters, painters, and the like? Come to think of it, why doesn't a professional painter, Picasso perhaps come and paint the garden gate and fence; and whilst he's at it he can paint the bedroom ceiling which I am reminded of every time ... ... ...

Anyway, as I was saying about old wives tales, it is not always old people who say daft things. Have you been on social media lately and seen what young, and not so young, wives, and single people, write? On Facebook recently a friend of mine announced to the whole world that she had bought a pair of new shoes. I'm surprised you do not know about it. Was it not on your TV News? What is the point of going on Facebook, Twitter and all the other sites and announce stupid things that no one cares about?

In order to join this modern trend, I now walk the streets and every so often announce in a loud voice something meaningless and totally pointless. I do it on the train, the bus, anywhere. I say, "I will have my hair cut today ... we bought some roses to plant in the garden ... I like eating mayonnaise on toast ... " and so on. So far I have two followers in white coats and big butterfly nets.

Let's move on. As I was saying, I do not believe that if you put a lot of monkeys together they will write the works of Shakespeare. Not in a million years. They would not even write the works of Dante, Moliere, Victor Hugo or anyone else.

As a sideline, if I may, the other day I asked my Literary Agent, Bonzo Bookshelf, whether he thought one of these days my works would be as famous as Shakespeare's or Dante's or the other great writers. His reaction is captured in the photo above.

So, in order to prove the monkeys experiment, I put a number of pigeons in a room with a number of computer keyboards linked to computers in another room. I wanted to see whether at least one pigeon would peck at at least one key on any of the keyboards.

After hours of having several pigeons sitting on keyboards I had nothing to show for it other than a lot of keyboards covered with pigeon droppings ingrained in between the keys. They obviously wanted to make a more obvious public statement instead. So what hope have an infinite number of monkeys apart from even more crap on the keyboards?

BTW - You can click on Bonzo Bookshelf's name if you wish.