Gravity

Yesterday's post was all about Time Dilation and it was well received; namely by me because I learnt a lot from it.

Today's follow on post is about gravity.

Let me first of all explain that gravity has nothing to do with the thickness of the gravy which you pour on your joint of roast beef; or other meat that you may have with gravy on. I knew a couple whose gravy was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Which is more than can be said about the joint of meat they put on the table. You needed an electric chain saw to cut through that. They were very religious people as I recall because everything on the table was a burnt offering.

The food was so dry you could get more fibre from chewing the carpet.

Anyway, back to gravity. This is a serious subject; hence the etymological link to the word grave meaning solemn, sombre or severe.

So, we've established that gravity is a serious subject which has nothing to do with gravy. But it has a lot to do with what keeps us here on earth rather than floating haphazardly all over the place.

You see, when we were created all those years ago God wanted to distinguish us from the floating angels by keeping our feet firmly on the ground. If He meant us to fly, He would have given us wings. He wanted us to walk and enjoy this beautiful earth. As Velcro had not been invented, God created gravity to keep us firmly on earth.

Gravity was not discovered until many years later when a man called Isaac Newton sat under a tree and an apple fell on his head.

By the way, do you like the apples in the photo? They are from our garden from last year's crop.

So, Newton got hit with the apple and his first reaction was to look if his mother-in-law was around. He thought she had thrown the apple at him. I know that would have been my reaction too.

Eventually, he surmised that the apple could not just have floated in the air as a balloon. The fact that it did not, meant that something pulled it down to earth. Also, since party balloons had not been invented either, just like Velcro, he could not imagine how an apple, or anything else could have floated away. Remember, at the time of Newton the only things that flew were birds and things thrown by his wife or mother-in-law.

After a long period of marriage he eventually went to a lawyer seeking a divorce because his wife kept throwing things at him. The lawyer sympathised and asked him why he took so long to decide on divorce. He said his wife's aim was getting better.

So in essence Newton worked out that it was the pull of the earth, its magnetism if you like, that pulled things, and us towards the earth and stops us from floating away.

And as a side-line, this is where we get the expression that someone has a magnetic personality. My girl-friend had a magnetic personality. When she entered the kitchen all the cutlery stuck to her.

She was also very melancholy. Face like a melon and a body like a collie's.

Now, Newton's theory about gravity was disputed years later by Einstein who declared there is no such thing as gravity. He explained gravity as part of his general theory of relativity and said it was not a force as such, but a consequence of the curvature of spacetime cause by the uneven distribution of mass.

Personally I think this is a lot of hooey and Einstein would have been better off growing apples as good as mine instead of confusing people with his theories that to this day have served in giving people a headache.

So there you have it. Gravity is what God invented before man invented Velcro.