Face the facts

The purpose of this Blog is to entertain, educate and inform. With this in mind here is a selection of facts you may wish to be aware of. Let me assure you that they are all true and have been well researched in a book of nonsense which I am writing.

If you ever use a tea bag to make yourself a cup of tea never throw the hot tea back in the trash bin as it may start a fire.

Always use a spoon rest when you have finished using your spoon. Leaving the spoon on the table top or work surface will make a stain of whatever you have used the spoon for.

The spoon rest is the world's most important invention since the invention of the spoon. A spoon rest is the most popular gift for people you do not like.

If you experience a sharp pain in the eye whilst drinking tea or coffee it is advisable to take the spoon out of the cup first.

If you suffer from flatulence do not buy a sound activated bedside lamp. The lamp that goes on and off when you tap your hands. A friend had such a lamp and whilst asleep he signalled a Morse SOS message with the lights going on and off. Neighbours phoned the police which came to his aid. 

When pursued, the centipede detaches one of his legs which he throws at his pursuer. The hunter stops to eat the leg and the centipede runs away to hide. Unfortunately, most of them get killed anyway when they return to retrieve their lost shoes.

The bar code you find on packets and on the back of books was invented by a zebra when it walked past the check-out desk at a supermarket and the cash machine bleeped.

An item that is far away may appear to be smaller than its real size. I once wondered why a golf ball appeared to be growing in size and then it hit me. 

More men cry in the cinema than women. I remember crying bitterly when watching The Sound of Music. The price of tickets, popcorn and soda nearly bankrupt me.

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

 

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.

Now read this: