Am I Sexist?

 

 

I've been wondering ... Am I sexist, do you think?

 

I said sexist, not sexy. I already know I am sexy. An Adonis no less. Women are always looking at me with wistful eyes and giggling with each other. I heard one of them say I am a sex idol for women who do not care.

 

Why only yesterday a blonde woman stopped me in the street and said, "Hello handsome ... could you direct me to an optician please? I've lost my contact lens!"

 

And last week, whilst in London, another woman stopped me and said, "Hi hunk ... would you like a good time?"

 

Looking at my watch I said, "It's half-past three ..."

 

I probably misunderstood her because she walked away rather disappointed and did not say a word. I wonder what all that was about! But she did call me hunk ... which proves I'm attractive.

 

Anyway ... back to my original question. Do you think I am sexist?

 

There I was on the bus the other day, sitting there minding my own business, I took out of my pocket a glass jar of pickled onions and started eating them quietly. I stabbed the onions with a pencil which I sharpened the point very thin like a pin. Better than carrying a fork. Sometimes I have with me pickled gherkins, or cucumber slices; this time it was pickled onions. Have you tried Piccalilli? I usually need a spoon when I'm eating that on the bus. Can't eat Piccalilli with a pencil. Doesn't taste right!

 

I noticed that some people moved a few seats away from me and said nothing. Others were eyeing me suspiciously. I could feel their gaze digging into me.

 

But it is not me they should have been looking at. It's the man sitting opposite me. He had a long beard coming down to his navel. He had a bag on his lap out of which came two threads of cotton wool, red and blue, and he was there knitting. In plain sight of everyone, he sat there quietly knitting with knitting needles.

 

And no one was looking at him or being bothered by him. They were looking at me eating quietly pickled onions.

 

Then it occurred to me. Maybe there is something wrong with me. Perhaps I was sexist.

 

Maybe I had judged the man sitting opposite because he was knitting. Something which I usually associate with women to do. Like smoking a pipe ... I mean ... women don't do it but men sometimes do ... although fewer and fewer men smoke a pipe these days. Perhaps they are taking up knitting instead. 

 

There must be something wrong with my brain because I could not understand this man knitting. He noticed me looking at him. So I offered him a pickled onion at the tip of my pencil. He smiled and shook his head without saying a word.

 

It was an uncomfortable journey until I reached my destination and finished the jar of  pickled onions. Great coincidence.

 

I wonder ... if it had been a woman sitting opposite me eating from a jar of pickled onions, would I have been that bothered?

 

Have you ever eaten pickled onions on a bus? Especially you ladies reading this? Has it ever bothered anyone when you did?