Wednesday, 2 September 2020

On A Date

                                                                

There's a program on TV about people on a date. You see them sitting at a restaurant talking to each other over a meal and you wonder whether they will get to like each other or not.

It amazes me the kind of question they ask each other, especially considering they've never met before.

Questions like, "what is your favourite colour?" What stupid kind of a question is that to ask someone you've never met before? What does it matter what your future partner in life's favourite colour is? It could be red, blue, green or whatever. Unless it is crucial in the choosing of carpets or curtains does it really matter? Will you suddenly give up on a date and future prospects because your date likes red and you do not?

"Sorry Miss, I have to leave. There is absolutely no chance on earth that I will ever love you. You may well be the perfect wife and soul mate for me and we could well end up loving each other for eternity and have the most wonderful family ever ... but I tell you, it will not happen. You've said your favourite colour is red. And it isn't mine. It's over as Roy Orbison would say. I wonder what his favourite colour was? He always wore black. Or is that Johnny Cash? The man in black. You've got me totally confused by choosing red ... Good bye!!!"

Do you know that my uncle invented the colour mauve? Before that there was purple, violet, but not mauve. He was in a shop with his wife and she picked up a garment she liked. He was in a hurry to get home and watch the football on TV. She kept looking at the garment and said, "I like this. I wonder what colour they call it?" He was in such a hurry that he said, "Come on ... move!" 

"Oh ..." she said, "mauve ... I like it," and bought the garment.

Anyway, back to the restaurant. A woman asked her blind date, "if you were an animal what animal would you be?"

What kind of dumb question is that? You might as well asked her her favourite colour! If my date asked me such a thing I'd say I want to be a tarantula or a tiger to make sure she runs away with her stupid questions never to be seen again.

Now in real life I was always very suave and sophisticated in appearance as well as in my attention to details as well as attention to the lady in question. I made good conversation and my questions had a purpose.

I believe that you only have one chance to make a first impression. After that, if you're lucky enough to go on a second date with the lady it will be a second impression. First impressions count. Wear something distinguished that she'll remember. A flower in your button hole, a scarf or cravat round your neck, an expensive tie pin or badge. Things like that are noticeable and would make an impression. Personally, I have found that wearing underpants on my head has the same effect. See what they've done for Superman when he wore his above his trousers.

Once on a date I asked the young lady, "Do you like wasps?"

There was a purpose behind that question. On a second date a week later I took her out on a picnic in the countryside. Before we sat on the ground to eat I sprayed an insect repellent in the air to keep the wasps and mosquitoes away. Unfortunately some went in her face and she started to cough and splutter violently saying it went in her eyes. I phoned for an ambulance. Using her cellphone because mine had run out of power. As I searched through her handbag for the phone the contents emptied on the ground. Amazing what women carry in their handbags. There were some very embarrassing things too as I recall. Why do you need them in your handbag?

The ambulance took her to hospital. I never saw her again. I had a nice picnic on my own though with more for me to eat. Unfortunately the strawberry cake tasted a bit of insect spray. At least if I swallowed a wasp it would be dead before it reached inside me.

On another occasion I took a different lady to a restaurant. The waiter stood slightly behind her whilst taking our order and kept shaking his head discreetly and winked at me.

I ordered the fish. He shook his head. I thought he was trying to steer me away from a bad choice. I changed my mind and ordered the steak. He shook his head and winked. I changed to the lasagne. Same thing. This went on a few times. 

She got annoyed that I was indecisive. She asked me if I felt the same about women; changing my mind all the time? I denied it of course. 

He winked at me. I thought he fancied me. In sheer confusion I ordered the same thing as her. She had lentil soup; which I hated to the millionth degree. She thought I was an indecisive wimp who could not make up his mind on the simplest thing like what to eat.

On the way out I asked the waiter why he kept shaking his head at me. He said he had dated this woman in the past and that she was a weirdo who cheated on him whilst he was dating another girl.

To make sure, I asked her later as I took her home on my tandem bicycle whether she had cheated on the waiter. She slapped my face and I never saw her again. 

I'll never understand women. It was a straight question. It's not as if I asked her what is her favourite colour or what animal she'd like to be. Women are too complex I think.

On my next date I tried to play it safe and take the advice of those people on TV. I asked the young lady over a meal what was her favourite colour. She said, "what's it to do with you you **** idiot?" 

That was direct and rather brutal, I thought. It never happens like that on TV shows. I was astounded as she got up and left never to be seen again.

The waiter asked me what happened. When I told him he explained that asking someone for their favourite colour is an innuendo for something more personal and very sexual in nature. Apparently you only ask that when you are in a more serious relationship with a person. Different colours have different meanings if you see what I mean. He gave me a list ... don't EVER say pink!

How was I to know all this? It was never explained in the book, "How to date beautiful women and be successful at it!" 

I mean ... I thought I was just making conversation. No doubt if I'd asked her what animal she'd want to be; that too would have some hidden meaning too. I wonder what animals are innuendos for something else I don't know about.

What sort of questions were you asked on a date? Or what did you ask the person you were with?

17 comments:

  1. Oh, Lord, Victor, it's been so long since I was on a date, I don't know if I could remember any of them! Did you know that Danny and I met on E-Harmony? There, you have to ask each other a myriad of questions before you can move forward in your virtual relationship. If you successfully navigate these steps to the satisfaction of the both of you, then you can actually email each other privately. By the time we had our first "date," we already knew so many important things about one another, so it was an easy, comfortable experience. By our second date, I knew I was supposed to marry this guy. Lol! And see, it worked out!
    Blessings, and thanks for listening to my story!

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    1. What a lovely story, Martha. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I'm so glad it all worked out and I wish you many happy years together filled with joy, good health and plenty of good things.

      I'm guessing that Danny did not ask you if you liked wasps! I would not recommend it. It did not work for me as a good question to ask.

      God bless you both, always.

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  2. I once was asked a question, what colour is Tuesday. The question was supposed to be a creative question, that's what I was told. I couldn't answer it, I thought it was a trick question. :) I'm glad the dating days are over, I can't imagine how people even communicate, maybe text each other.
    Every week in the Guardian, they interview people that went on a blind date. It's funny sometimes the answers they give when asked a question.

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    1. People these days think they are clever by asking way out questions. It's the same in job interviews. Questions like, "what are your weaknesses"? As if anyone would answer this honestly.

      At the end of a job interview I was given the opportunity to ask questions. I asked, "Are you serious in recruiting someone for this position or have you got someone already in mind for the job?"

      I got the job. I guess I was big-headed then!

      God bless, Bill.

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  3. Like Martha, I can't recall any early Q-and-A's. Nevertheless, this post seriously tickled my funny bone! No-one's asked me lately, but my favorite color's buttercup yellow and my spirit animal would probably be a sloth. (*smile*)

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    1. I like the sloth. Did you know they spend most of their lives hanging upside down in the trees? If you have one as a pet it would hang upside down from the lamp or chandelier watching TV all day. You would have to turn the TV upside down so the sloth can see the picture properly. Be cause if you don't do so, and the TV is the right way up, and the sloth sees another sloth on TV hanging upside down off a tree, he, (the one who is your pet), would get confused and let go the lamp and fall on the ground with a bump and crash.

      I learnt all this the hard way whilst hanging upside down from a hammock.

      God bless, Mevely.

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  4. ...my wife of 52 years and I have dates all the time.

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  5. You seem to have a bunch of 'well seasoned' readers who have been married a long time! I have been married for four decades and can't remember my dating days.

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    1. These days, Kathy, people ask the most inane questions on their first dates. Like, (for a man) do you prefer shoes with shoelaces or slip ons? (For a woman) do you prefer shoes or chocolates?

      I once confused a girl by buying her a pair of shoes made of chocolate.

      God bless.

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  6. Last time my Sweetie and i, who have been married 35 years, went on a date, he asked me if his hair looked okay. After this many years, we know each other's favorite color, and i don't know what it means and don't much care.

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    1. Congratulations on being together for 35 years, Mimi. May God bless you both for many more years to come.

      God bless.

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  7. Very entertaining...but I especially enjoyed all your readers comments and your response. Nice to know you do have many couples that have been married for a number of years. I'll add mine and Don's to that list. 59 and hoping my dearest health holds so we can celebrate 60. Funny, I don't know my dearest favorite color!!! I must go interview him.

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    1. Congratulations to you too, Wanda, and to all our readers for their many years of marriage. I wish you and Don many more years of good health and happiness.

      God bless.

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  8. Dearest Victor,
    Guess there are no rules or guidelines for a first date or any date.
    My late first husband I met while being transported in a truck for a 'dropping'... We were all girls from the Catholic group of young girls. They organized this drop off to an unknown place, in the dark and we had flashlights and a list with tasks we had to find answers for. Soon two teenagers on a moped stopped and they let us ride with them to the next house for fulfilling another task. They also knew where the event would end up, as they knew the big caf├ę restaurants where cooking of pea soup with pork was going on. So we entered with them, through the back, walking past those huge pots where entire pig heads were bobbing into the green pea soup. Yuk, what a sight. When we ate the soup later, I managed to put my brain on zero but got up like lightning when the came by, for seconds. Oh no!
    That's how I met my late first husband and his older brother and friend. His brother got killed by a postal vehicle that gave no yield to him.
    My friend Ellie who was with me, is still a very dear friend, regardless the distance in-between through the Ocean.
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    1. What a lovely story to share with us, Mariette. Thank you so much. It pleases me that my post brought back so many memories to my readers.

      God bless you and your family always.

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