Hello ... it is aunt Elma again ... are you still there? I phoned Vic yesterday and you answered the phone ... what are you doing in his house? Just because his wife and children have gone to London for a few days, you have no business being there. I bet you never told him I rang ... you're a hooor ... that's what you are ... a street-walker ... leave him alone ...
Jim ... Jim ... answer me you daft bat ... I'm calling you ... I phoned Vic again and he's got this woman with him ... she's answered the phone again ... she's keeping quiet now ... but she's listening all right ...
Come here Jim ... speak to her and give her a piece of my mind ...
What do you mean you don't want to? Of course I'm not interfering ... it is my duty to tell her she is a hooor ... she should not be there at all ...
Can you hear me you brazen hussy? Yes you ... I am talking to you ... I know you're pretending not to hear me ...
Leave Vic alone ... he's a nice little boy ... I have known him ever since he was a baby ... I used to change his diapers when they visited us here in Glasgow ... nice family they are ... all of them ...
Leave him alone you family breaker ... with your posh fancy voice saying you can't take my calls ... who do you think you are you common hooor ...
What are you doing there in his house anyway? ... Don't tell me ... don't tell me ... I can only imagine ... Heaven help us ... oh the vision of it all on my mind ... it will be with me for ever ...
He always had a weakness for dumb blondes, Vic did ... I bet you're a dumb blonde with large bosoms and red lipsticks ... Oh I feel so weak just thinking about it ... you and Vic together.
Jim ... Jim ... come here I tell you ... come here or you'll regret it for the rest of your days ... which will not be many I promise you ...
Tell her ... tell her Jim to leave our Vic alone ... what is she doing there answering his phone?
TELL HER or I'll hit you with this phone ...
(Pause)
Hello Miss ... this is Jim ... Vic calls me uncle Jim ... I am aunt Elma's husband ... she is very worried about Vic you know ...
She phoned him yesterday and you answered the phone ... she's been up all night worrying about it ...
She kept me up as well ... she asked me to worry with her ... we both worried all night although I am not sure what we're supposed to worry about ...
Tell me there is nothing to worry about so I can get a good night's sleep ... tell me ...
(Pause)
OK ... if you can't tell me ... at least tell Vic to phone us soon ... thank you dear ...
Elma ... Elma ... stop crying ... I told her to get Vic to phone us soon!
...she's calling on that phone?
ReplyDeleteNo Tom. This is a photo of an old style dial-up model in black. I keep it at home in front of our real phone to remind me what nostalgia feels like.
DeleteGod bless.
Dearest Victor,
ReplyDeleteBet that a lot of elderly could never grasp the voice that speaks as an automated answering before you can leave a message! It is hilarious and in this case, sad too! Worrying and trying to persuade/force her husband to give it to her... Good grief!
Hugs,
Mariette
That's the problem with modern technology, Mariette. A lot of elderly people do not understand how it works. Technology is moving too fast. I'll have to explain it to my aunt tomorrow.
DeleteGod bless you.
📞
DeleteI can just see you standing there by the phone listening to all this! :)
ReplyDeleteYes Happyone ... I was not there at the time. But I was there afterwards hearing it all. I'll have to phone her tomorrow.
DeleteGod bless you.
Being as I'm one of them, I really shouldn't make fun of the elderly. Nevertheless, I'm giving myself permission ...this is SO funny.
ReplyDeleteOh Mevely ... I bet you would not argue with a telephone-answering machine! Glad you enjoyed this, though.
DeleteGod bless always.
Your aunt with a phone is like my mom with computers - totally at a loss! Thanks for the laugh today, Victor.
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
It's all these new fangled technology that's the problem Martha. Why can't life be simple? Like a toaster that burns bread?
DeleteGod bless, my friend.
You're lucky this phone call is not on a party line where others can listen in. My aunts had one of them. People could just jump in to the conversation whenever, it could cause even more confusion. :)
ReplyDeleteYes I remember them. My aunt used to have a party line. When the phone rang apparently it rang in both houses; hers and next door.
DeleteI once rang her and in a foreign accent I pretended I wanted to buy her car which she had advertised for sale in the local papers. She tried to convince me the car was not for sale. I kept insisting it was in the newspaper. Poor woman ... may God forgive me.
God bless, Bill.
This is so funny. My grandmother used to think Superman could really fly, because she had seen him do so on TV. THat was a long time ago when I was a small child. Have a nice day, and thanks for the laugh.
DeleteOf course he can fly. I saw him on my TV too. Your grandmother is correct. And he never hit a lamp post or tree whilst flying.
DeleteGod bless, Nells.
This is funny. My grandmother used to think that Superman could really fly, because she had seen him do so on TV. That was a long time ago when I was just a small child. Have a great day.
ReplyDeleteOf course he can fly. I saw him on my TV too. Your grandmother is correct. And he never hit a lamp post or tree whilst flying.
DeleteGod bless, Nells.
Hold on ... I've just said that. There must be an echo in my Blog!!!
"dumb blonde with large bosoms and red lipstick"! I think I may be in love with your answering machine.
ReplyDeleteShe has a sexy voice too!
DeleteGod bless JoeH. Keep smiling my friend.
For heaven's sake call your Aunt and explain an answering machine to her before she loses her mind and drives your Uncle to drink!
ReplyDeleteI will ... I will ... I'll phone tomorrow. Promise.
DeleteGod bless, Mimi.