Hello ... is that 32 23 56?
No, it is 322 356.
Sorry to have troubled you!
That's OK ... the phone was ringing anyway!
Is this Victor Moo Moo ...
Are you calling me a cow? I have never been so insulted in my life. Not from a phone caller who does not know my phone number. I don't answer the phone to be insulted. If I need insulting my wife does that for me!
I'm sorry Sir. I wanted to speak to Mr Moo Bar Ache. Is that you?
Hold on, I'll have a look ... Yes ... I checked in the mirror and it's me all right!
Good morning Sir, I am calling to tell you about the latest technological innovation that's just been launched in the market.
I am not interested!
How can you not be interested, Sir, if you do not know what it is?
Because I've already got one.
But ... but ...
Are you now calling me a butt? You are a very rude door-to-door salesman on the phone. Are you too lazy to visit your clients at home? Why don't you come round here so that I don't open the door for you? See how you like that! I used to be a door-to-door salesman once you know! In my day we actually went from door to door selling things people did not want. I often ended up buying things from them instead ... things other salesmen had sold them and they did not want them anyway.
Sorry Sir ... I meant to say you cannot possibly have one of these newly invented items since they've just been launched on the market. And as a new early bird buyer you are entitled to a 50% discount on the retail price.
Does this mean you'll double the price after I bought one?
Let me explain this device Sir. It is an electronic means for you to filter any unwanted calls from cold callers and salesmen on your telephone. Do you ever get people calling you unannounced trying to sell you something you do not want or need?
You mean like you? No ... not often ... but there's this guy who keeps phoning my wife. She says he's a salesman ... I don't believe her ... I think he's a sailor or something like that ... I heard him ask the other day on the phone ... is the coast clear?
Well ... I think you will want and need this new device I am selling. It is attached to your land-line telephone at home and ...
We don't have a land-line at home!
But ... but ... ehm ... I mean ... I just called you on your land-line.
No you didn't ... this is my neighbour's land-line telephone. He let's us borrow it when he is out. He passes the phone on to us through a long lead stretching from his back garden to ours! He does that in case someone rings him when he's out.
Oh ... ehm ... do you take messages for him?
Of course not ... that would be intruding on his privacy ... it could be his girl-friend calling ... Hot and Spicy ... or is that a pizza he ordered?
But ... but ... if you don't take any messages for him why does he give you his phone?
When he's back home we tell him the phone rang twice ... or more times ... and he knows he's missed some calls!
Would he be interested in a machine that filters any unwanted calls, do you think?
No ... he uses me to do this for him!