Saturday 16 January 2021

Honour your Father and Mother

 

It is a fact that some of us, if we're fortunate, will grow old. And as we grow old, some of us may well become ill, some will live alone, some will struggle with day to day tasks, and many will have their families living far away.

Our children will grow up and move to other places to find jobs and to start a family. Other children will probably fall out with their parents, perhaps as a result of a family argument, and cease to contact their parents. Whilst some other children will just be too busy with the day-to-day stresses of life to maintain contact with their parents.

It is also a fact that some of us, as we grow older, will become cantankerous, argumentative pains in the neck working our way down South. Not everyone can be as pleasant and nice to be with as I am. And so it follows, that such old people will make it difficult for their families to visit them as often as they should. In some cases, perhaps for safety's sake, it will be necessary for children and parents to meet no longer.

Then there is another fact. Many years ago, God commanded on a tablet of stone, "Honour your father and mother."

Now I ask myself, how much of a duty is that on every son and daughter, and how serious a sin is it if we ignore it?

Many amongst us can claim that our lives are too busy with the responsibilities of work, raising a family, looking after our own children, and so on and so forth, to be able to visit our parents frequently. Especially if they live too far away.

Others can claim that they fell out with their parents because of a serious family dispute, and indeed it is for their own safety, and that of their children, that they don't visit their parents any more.

Others will claim that their parents have become the proverbial in-laws; and whenever they visit them, their parents are always criticising and creating a dividing wedge between husband and wife; especially if they never approved of their choice of partners in the first place.

These, and many other supposedly valid reasons have resulted in parents and children no longer seeing each other.

I have known several lonely elderly people in my time. One old lady was so lonely seeing no one from day to day that every week she took the bus to town and back just to be with other people on the journey.

Another left the TV or radio on all day and night just to hear the voice of someone speaking; and she left the lights on all night for fear of being alone in the dark.

Another old lady living alone just talked to her dog just to exercise her vocal chords. She said her throat dries up if she does not speak to anyone all day.

And yet another old man died alone at home and was not discovered until days later when the postman wondered why his mail was piling up behind his door.

Loneliness, especially in old age, is the scourge of a modern society awash with electronic communications devices.

What is the point of having hundreds of "friends and followers" on social media if none visit you when you're old?

So, my message to every son and daughter is: "What will you say to God when you meet Him about the way you honoured your parents"?

And for every parent, old and not so old, "What will you say to God about the way you helped your children obey that commandment?"

I wonder what God would respond.

30 comments:

  1. I'm sure I'll be asked about the way I helped my three children obey the fourth commandment, and do my best to make it easy for them.

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    1. That is what God asks of us, Ladka. That we do our best.

      God bless you and your family.

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  2. Whether we like them or not, Victor, I sincerely believe we must honor our parents, putting their needs above our own. I miss my elderly mom so much right now because I can't visit with her during this pandemic. We talk on the phone at least twice a day, and that helps, but it can't substitute for being there in person. Come on, vaccine!!!
    Blessings!

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    1. I know you're a good person, Martha, with great love for your parents, in-laws, as well as your children and grands. I believe God is asking us for patience and trust in Him. I've often told Him how difficult this is; but I continue trying my best.

      God bless you and yours my dear friend.

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  3. Not in a reproachful manner, but my mother often reminded me that verse was given me at my Confirmation.
    Heartbreaking examples you've cited. Sadly, I remember the times I'd feel resentful for having to travel to my mother's home on weekends. Sure, my personal life was a bit tumultuous but that's no excuse. What I wouldn't give for second chances.

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    1. I understand what you're saying, Mevely. But you should not reproach yourself. Your mother, and God, know that you did your best. We are often more hard on ourselves than we need to be. Saints were not perfect; they failed, but kept on trying. Your a saint in your own way.

      God bless you always, Mevely.

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  4. I never thought about how I can make it easy for my children to honor me. Thanks!

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    1. Thank you, Kathy. I'm sure you'll do the best you can.

      God bless you and your family.

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  5. ...my wife and I are blessed, our three children and five grandchildren all live within 15 minutes of us.

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    1. What a real blessing, Tom. God is smiling on you all.

      God bless.

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  6. Words for thought for all ages ...

    At present times, I am so thankful for technology, it is not the same as being with loved ones but at least we get to see them via the internet connection and talk to them.

    Enjoy your weekend.

    All the best Jan

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    1. That is a blessing, Jan. Technology has helped many people in these difficult times. I've noticed we're in communication more often too.

      God bless you and yours.

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  7. When your parents are no longer here, you think of the little things you could have done better. You do your best but maybe it wasn't.

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    1. Such wise words, Bill. Good incentive to do our best now.

      God bless always.

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  8. I can truly declare that I was very attentive to my parents while they were living. They were such loving people that I could hardly contain myself when the Holidays and special occasions arose. I couldn't wait to get to their place to enjoy their company. My children are attentive as well. It was instilled in me, and I hope that I have instilled the same idea that God is first and then family. It brings tears to my eyes when I see some senior people so lonely.

    Blessings

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    1. How lovely, and thank you for sharing your story with us, Nells. Yes, it is sad to see so many lonely people.

      God bless you and your family.

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  9. Wise words for young and old, parents and kids. My parents have both died and I know they loved me and that I loved them too. I tried hard to keep that commandment.
    It is heart breaking to say but our daughter has not wanted anything to do with us for the last 8 years because of our believe in GOd.

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    1. Yes, your story about your daughter is heartbreaking, Happyone. My advice, if you would permit me, is to pray for her and pray some more. Prayer is the greatest gift we can give and receive from someone.

      Remember, St Augustine's mother prayed for him all her life that he might change his ways. He did in the end; and became a great theologian, philosopher, and the bishop of Hippo Regius in Numidia, Roman North Africa. His writings influenced the development of Western philosophy and Western Christianity, and he is viewed as one of the most important Church leaders.

      Praying for you and yours. God bless.

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    2. Yes, I pray for her every single day!! Thank you for your added prayers!

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    3. Trust in God, Happyone. Not always easy, I know. But continue to trust.

      God bless you and yours.

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  10. Dearest Victor,
    Honour your Father and Mother we really had brainwashed into us, during Catechism. BUT we also learned to LIVE it and got to see two older generations living it by example.
    In that regard I feel proud for having traveled 67 times to The Netherlands to visit my Parents. A total of 64 times with Mom still alive...
    That is quite a commitment instead of taking an all inclusive vacation or whatever! But in the end, it is the only way for having peace of mind till it is your time to face the exit of this short life.
    It is very sad that lots of people that live almost within earshot of their Parents, lack the love and commitment to visit them while they still can! Guess the bitterness in their hearts, once there is no more chance in doing so, will eat their hearts away...
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    1. Hi Mariette,

      I guess we need to study why modern generations do not spend so much time with, (looking after), their elderly parents. I believe, (here in the UK at least), it is because society has become too materialistic. Young adults are too busy working, getting money for a big house, well furnished, a good car, holidays abroad; and all the other expenses of modern life to be bothered with looking after their parents. Often, young adults have to move to other towns or cities for work; so they are far from their parents anyway.

      I knew an old lady, whose son lived 30 miles away. He never visited her until she died. Then he came to sell her house and furniture as part of his inheritance.

      Money first. Family second, or third. God not even on the list of priorities.

      God bless.

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    2. We often have said to others, bragging about spending time at 'their beach house', that we have all our money invested into visiting our Parents and for that there is no beach house or any 2nd home for that matter... Guess it earned us some frequent flyer miles to heaven instead - there is NO 2nd chance being able to do that!

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    3. You and your husband are lovely people, Mariette.

      God bless.

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  11. There was one lady i knew whose father was so toxic and evil he tried to kill her. She could only flee and stay away. In a case that extreme, i understand.

    It's not easy to care for our aging parents when they are grumpy and cantankerous, but it's important to at least see to their health and safety as much as possible.

    You've brought up an excellent point in asking the parents whether they have made caring for them difficult for the children by their own behavior.

    As for my parents, whom i refer to as Grandma and Grandpa on my blog because that's what my children call them, i am there every weekend to clean their house, i text them both twice a day, and my brother, my children's Uncle P as i refer to him on my blog, he is over there daily as he lives nearby.

    If they ever get to where they need for me to move down there to care for them, i will.

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    1. I understand that sometimes elderly people make it difficult for their children to look after them. This is sometimes due to the feeling of losing control. All the time they looked after their children; and now they are helpless, probably in pain, and needing medication or help with shopping and so on.

      Patience and love from both sides is needed. Prayers too.

      God bless you and yours, Mimi.

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  12. Some oldsters have proved to be unpleasant to visit, that is sad. I am an oldster who is fun to visit and my family remains connected closely. These pandemic days are hard on all of us with visiting sometimes not being allowed or feeling safe. I sure enjoy visiting in person and on Zoom. Be well.

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    1. Yes Terra, some old people are not fun to visit. This is perhaps because they are not feeling well, are confused and frightened perhaps, or alone. The world is changing fast. Some old people cannot cope with that.

      God bless you and your family.

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