The Humour Bus

 

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

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I just discovered that the word "nothing" is a palindrome... Backwards it spells "gnihton", which also means nothing.

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Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

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When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

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Husbands are the best people to share your secrets with. They will never tell anyone because they aren’t even listening.

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I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which came first.

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I wonder if any Policeman has ever managed to keep a straight face while telling a woman she has the right to remain silent.

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Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish?

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After twenty-five years of marriage a man goes to Court seeking a divorce because his wife keeps throwing things at him when angry: plates, cups, saucers, whatever is at hand she throws.
The judge asks: What took you so long to decide on divorce?
He replied: Her aim is getting better!

BEWARE - NAUGHTY JOKE

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. 'Wow, this is great,' he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

'Hey,' he called. 'I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?

'Yes. Come and join us,' they cried.

Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. 'What else do you wild rabbits do?' he asked.

'Well,' one of them said. 'You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.'

This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.

Later, he asked them again, 'What else do you do?'

'You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well.' The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. 'Is there anything else you guys do?' he asked.

One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly. 'There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there,' he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. 'They're girls. We make love to them. Go and try it.'

Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning making love to many girl rabbits until, completely exhausted, he staggered back over to the guys.

'That was fantastic,' he panted.

'So are you going to live with us then?' one of them asked.

'I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't.'

The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. 'Why? We thought you liked it here.'

'I do,' our friend replied. 'But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette.'