The Prince and the Pauper's duck

 

Once upon a time, a long time ago, before weather forecast records were kept, and well before people moaned about the economy and the cost of living and what's on TV, there was a King who had a baby son.

The King did not want his son to grow up in luxury in the palace and not know the  realities of life like paying the electricity bill, fixing the drains and cleaning the rain gutters. 

So he decided to hand over the baby boy to a poor pauper who lived in the woods and asked him to raise the Prince like a normal boy and teach him about life. The King would give the pauper money every month to pay for the child's upkeep and he would visit from time to time to check on progress.

The pauper readily agreed and in return he gave the King a duck to live and be looked after in the palace.

This went on for a number of years even after weather records were kept, but still before people started moaning about everything. 

The Prince grew up as a fine young man able to cut wood to make furniture and a fire, adept at hunting deer and wild boar, and also to bake and make bread. He did not know he was a Prince.

The King would visit from time to time incognito to check on his son and admire his upbringing.

(NOTE: Cognito is a luxury Italian horse drawn carriage. The Italians have always been good at making vehicles well before cars were invented).

One day, when the Prince was twenty-one, and people started to moan about the weather, the King decided to retire and hand over the crown to his son.

But things did not go so smoothly. The duck claimed that he/she was first in line to the throne and wanted to be crowned instead. The King and the courtiers and the Royal advisers and even the Court jester thought this was ridiculous. You can't have a duck ruling the Kingdom.

But the duck hired Perry Mason and was ready to fight its claim in court. That's a legal court, not the Royal Court - pay attention and stop dozing off!

The King was beside himself. He sat on his throne and then sat again next to himself. His advisers suggested he hires an American Doctor called Dr Gregory House M.D. who looked very much like the British actor Hugh Laurie. He would be able to help decide the case using something called DNA.

This was done, and Dr House proved with a 99.9% degree of certainty that the duck was not the offspring of the King. 

The pauper Prince was crowned King and the duck became a pet at the palace.

And they all lived happily ever after.