Marital Disharmony

 

OK ... let's be honest. Every marriage has its difficult periods when disagreements come to the fore. Some are eventually resolved amicably whilst others fester on and can lead to entrenched positions and total family breakdowns.

For example, after many years of marriage we still have not resolved how to run the economy and how the country should trade with other nations. I have my own well thought out and costed views on the matter, whereas my wife thinks I should stop talking and take the trash out because it will be collected tomorrow. 

There have also been many other arguments in our marital bliss, and it has always been me who gives way for the sake of peace and harmony and a good hot meal. For instance, I see nothing wrong in using a frying pan to boil water for the pasta. With a larger swimming pool as it were, the spaghetti have more room to swim and paddle and to soften up. My wife thinks I'm soft in the head.

At one point I went to see a Marriage Counsellor. He told me that his wife is also a Marriage Counsellor and suggested that we all meet, him and his wife, and I and mine, and try to talk and resolve our problems. I turned him down because I did not think the four of us in bed together was a good idea. Besides, the bed would be too small for such intimate discussions.

Talking of which; he told me that some people sleep with their pets in bed for comfort. Especially when one of the partners in a marriage is away travelling on business. I only once slept with my pet, years ago before I got married. When I woke up the bed was soaking wet and my goldfish had died.

Anyway, my wife and I have come up with a marital code on how to defuse arguments quickly before they get out of hand.

For example, when an argument starts we should both stop and wear a pan on our head. We go to the kitchen and pick up a suitable pan and wear it like a hat. Somehow, the argument in question gets into instant focus and seems easier to analyse and resolve.

Another alternative is to retire to different rooms and continue the argument by e-mail. We write to each other outlining our points of view and express our opinions and arguments in writing rather than talk them out. Somehow, writing things down takes longer than saying things and it makes us think before expressing ourselves. And it's all there on the screen in black and white, or whichever colour you write, so that you can refer to it again if your point has not been taken on board. Normally the argument is quickly defused because we get tired of writing anyway.

A third alternative when an argument starts is to use the radio program format which is popular over here. Each person has to outline their position on the argument for just a minute without hesitation, deviation or repetition. In just a minute I have to give my point of view. Then it's her turn. Then mine. Then hers and so on. The argument can be helped along with a drink of beer, whisky or wine or whatever after every minute. 

This last method had gained popularity in our marriage for some unknown reason. We now got to the point where we have to think up reasons to have an argument so we can resolve them this way. We even have arguments about which arguments to have.

I like my family. If it was not for my family I'd be arguing with perfect strangers. And it is not always advisable to drink with strangers. 

How do you resolve problems in your marriage?