Ideas to improve the world

 

I often spend time thinking of ways to improve our lives as individuals and a society. For the benefit of all, here are some ideas I came up with:

1    Socks should be sold in threes and not as a pair. This would increase your chance of picking up two the same colour when searching your drawer. I wrote to three sock manufacturers, in triplicate, suggesting that this would increase their sales by 50% - all three ignored me. Three times.

2    Consequent and supplementary to the above idea, I think trousers should be made with three legs also. When one leg wears off and is damaged by a hole, you just tuck it into your pants and pull out the third leg and wear that instead. Same for shirts, pullovers and such like.

3    We should wear more wool. All hats should be made of wool. This way it would be easier to pull the wool over peoples' eyes. And easier to tell a wolf in sheep's clothing. Have you ever seen a wolf wearing a woollen hat or scarf? 

4    Tattoos should be made with invisible ink so no one could see them. Or with florescent ink so you could see them in the dark. Can you imagine having whole-body tattoos in florescent ink and standing there naked in the dark? All you'll see is the wonderful designs. Alternate between switching the lights on and off and you'll have a great trick to perform at your next party. That will certainly get your friends talking. You'd be the life and soul of the party. 

5    Aerosols and body sprays should smell of garlic, fried onions or other foods. This would not only be original but would also enhance the appetite when going out on a date. There's nothing more aromatic than going out to a restaurant with a beautiful lady smelling of herring or pickled onions in vinegar.

6   More people should be encouraged to wear hairnets. It was quite the rage years ago. Now ... not many people do wear them. I remember years ago having a girl-friend who disliked hairnets and never wore them. I had an open-top sports car then and as I drove fast her hair used to blow in the wind. I had to stop often and pick it up and return it to her. A hairnet would have solved the problem but she was very stubborn. Eventually we broke up and she became a solo synchronised swimming performer.

7   Another idea of mine that would improve the world is political in nature. These days at elections a lot of money is spent on campaigns and politicians come on TV and radio and discuss their views politely and with mutual respect even if they don't agree. It was not so in my days in politics. In my days things were different.

When I was involved in politics years ago, in an open debate with a live audience in a packed hall, the other politician accused me of lacking vision because I wore socks of different colour.

I explained that I was open-minded. He replied, “There’s no point in being so open-minded that your brains fall out!”

At a radio interview during the election campaign I was asked by a caller what I wanted for Christmas. I said “A pair of slippers”. The following day the newspapers said, “Victor wants a pair of slippers whilst his opponent wants to improve life for the community of this town”.

Needless to say I didn’t win the election. Even my Electoral Agent refused to vote for me.

The thing I hated in politics is calling on houses to deliver leaflets or to introduce myself as a candidate and ask whether they'd vote for me. One has to keep a cool head, look and be interested in the individual you're talking to, and above all, be honest - not tell fibs like some politicians do.

I knocked at a door and a young lady opened it and she was completely naked. I kept a cool head and looked interested in her. She stood there totally nude smiling as she said, "What can I do for you?"

I was honest ... I said, "I forgot!" and ran away.

Anyway, my political idea does away with such potential embarrassments and having to run long campaigns. I think the candidates should come on TV and play rock paper scissors. You can have as many candidates as you wish and eliminate them until the last one wins and is elected. No  need for policies, promises, and wasting everyone's time with debates and TV and radio appearances.

I wrote to the political parties over here with my suggestion and they ignored me. I am not appreciated I think.

So there you have it; seven ideas to improve our lives and our world. What do you think? Tell us of your ideas also.