Friday 4 December 2020

The Last Straw

 

I was driving ahead heading for a tunnel when at the last minute the tunnel moved to the left. Luckily I managed to stop on time. 

Earlier in my journey a tree suddenly jumped in front of me and crossed the road. Followed by a road sign indicating end of the road and a cliff suddenly appearing ahead with a hundred foot drop.

It was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Only I did not have a camel with me because the car was a red sports car with just two seats neither of which could fit a camel.

I did not have a straw either. Not a last one or any other one. Regardless whether it is made of paper like in the old days or of plastic.

Plastic straws are bad because they end up in the sea and are bad for fish. Apparently fish use them like lances and fight each other like in medieval jousting tournaments. They swim at each other straws aloft and then when they meet they hurt each other with plastic straws. It is less dangerous with paper straws like the old days. But paper straws don't end up in the sea; and if they did they would disintegrate quickly anyway.

Talking of straws held aloft I could mention what there is in our loft at home. But I will not because we don't have one.

I will return to plastic, however. How is it that I live inland, a million miles from the sea in any direction, including downwards, yet my plastic bags from the supermarket which I carefully place in the re-cycling trash bin end up in the sea? How does that happen? Why am I being blamed for the plastic in the sea?

Our supermarket gave me a "plastic bag for life". I asked them what does it mean? They said it is a plastic bag guaranteed for use for life. I asked them, whose life? Mine or the plastic bag's? They said they did not know.

They called the manager. He did not know. He phoned the supermarket Headquarters. They did not know. They phoned the supplier of the plastic bags. He did not know. They phoned the manufacturer of the bags. He did not know either. No one knew what it means to say a plastic bag for life.

Eventually they said that I should throw the bag in the re-cycling trash bin and it will end up in the sea anyway and stay there for life.

They gave me a cup of tea whilst I was waiting for all their phone calls. As soon as I drank it I had a sharp pain in my eye. They told me to take the spoon out of the cup first.

I went to see the doctor about my eye. He said, "describe the symptoms."

I replied, "They are yellow cartoon characters on TV. One’s called Homer, and Bart and Marge and …"

He then asked me, "Do you have trouble passing water?"

I said, "I feel dizzy when crossing over a river."

I explained that I had water on the knee. He said I was not aiming straight.

He then asked me a very personal question. "How's your libido?" he said.

I replied, "I've sold that Italian car. Now I have a Toyota!"
 
Eventually, he suggested I stop eating a lot of cheese before going to bed.
 
What a nightmare that was! Neigh ... I tell you. A right nightmare.

22 comments:

  1. Oh Victor, you crack me up! Perhaps I should take up eating cheese before bed? When I do dream, they're so dull I bore myself back to sleep.

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    1. I think cheese is good for vivid dreams. Mine are in techni-colour and stereo sound. I dreamt the other day I was visiting a marshmallow factory. When I got up I had eaten through the pillow.

      God bless, Mevely.

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  2. Maybe you can add crackers to your cheese and a Guinness, it might help. :)

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    1. Yes, I hope so, Bill. My head is still spinning.

      God bless.

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  3. ...I marvel at how your mind thinks or doesn't!

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    1. I'll explain, Tom. It all happens suddenly. I could be watching TV, or driving, or on the bus, then all at once my mind comes up with one thought ... in this case the tunnel. Then I actually see it move sideways in my mind, then the tree and so on. Like a cartoon film, which I quickly write down ... or remember in my head.

      It is not planned. I can't just sit there and think up a story or post to write on my blog. It just happens.

      God bless, my friend.

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  4. My nightmares are never that entertaining, Victor. The point of the plastic ending up in the sea, no matter what, is puzzling, and seems to be valid too. Thank you for this funny tale. Blessings

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    1. I fail to understand it, Nells. They show films on TV of the sea filled with plastic bags, plastic bottles and such packaging. How does it get there? You can't possibly blame it all on holiday people at the beach.

      God bless you always, Nells.

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  5. Oh was that funny, the scary part was I followed it just fine!

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    1. You'll have to explain it all to me, Brian. I did not understand a word I wrote.

      God bless you.

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  6. Indeed, what a nightmare, Victor! And I wonder, too, with all the recycling we do, how does that plastic end up in the ocean??? Makes you wonder if it's being recycled at all.
    Blessings!

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    1. Aha ... I always suspected that, Martha. Are they taking our trash and throwing it in the sea. I saw on TV a distinctive plastic lip gloss and manicure purse I had floating in the sea. How did it get there?

      God bless.

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  7. Replies
    1. It hides a very serious personality.

      God bless Happyone.

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  8. Dearest Victor.
    This is an excellent documented nightmare with very funny word playing.
    It is so true, a lot of words are being used and nobody knows what they're conveying... So WHY use them or put them into circulation!
    It is good to play with thoughts and words this way.
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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  9. I would love to see a fish jousting event. Would you please record a video the next time it happens and post it?

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  10. Just go buy a canvas bag to use for your groceries, and don't worry about it beyond that.

    And please continue to make us laugh, it's healthy for all of us, even the fish, i believe.

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    1. I am so glad you enjoy my posts, Mimi. Thank you so much for your visits and your loyalty. It's great to see you here.

      God bless.

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