On Tuesday Mrs Floret our friend was rushed into hospital with two burnt ears. Apparently she answered the phone whilst ironing. The doctors asked her how she burnt her other ear. She replied, "It happened when I phoned for an ambulance!"
A moth flew in through a chiropodist's open window and said, "Doctor, please help me out! I am depressed ... always sad and depressed ..."
"Sorry I can't help you," said the medic, "I am a chiropodist. Not a psychiatrist, or psychologist, or hypnotist or any similar medic that can help you with depression".
"Yes, I know," said the depressed moth.
"Why did you come in and see me then?" asked the medic.
"Because the light was on ..." replied the moth.
Just bought a microwave oven. In the box there was also a big booklet with instructions to make the oven work. It was written in many languages ... French ... Italian ... German ... Dutch I think ... and lots of other languages. It was a waste of time seeing I only speak English.
I learnt to swim from a Teach Yourself to Swim book. Unfortunately the pages got wet and stuck together.
A friend of mine was very concerned that her hamster sat in the corner of his cage for three days motionless apart from blinking every now and then. She took him to the vet who discovered he had swallowed a fridge magnet.
Don’t worry if you have spilt some ice cubes. It is water under the fridge!