Christmas at Nan Melba

 

Christmas is such a lovely time. It always takes me back to my childhood when we used to visit Nan Melba. Nan Melba was not really my grandmother, not genetically that is. You could say she was genetically modified. She was an elderly friend of my parents and out of courtesy we called her Nan Melba.

She lived a few miles away, so a few days before Christmas we used to travel to her house to stay most of the day and deliver our presents to her.

"Arrrr me hearties," she would say welcoming us, "bring y'ar selves on board. Park y'ar backside on a barrel near the fire!"

As you may have guessed, she was a pirate. Although the eye patch she always wore may have been a quick give-away had you been there. She actually was a pirate in years gone by in a film they made in a small film studio nearby. She liked it so much that she decided to remain a pirate albeit she had never ever been to sea on account that she was terrified of the underneath of ships. She was worried in case the captain ever asked her to swim under the ship and remove the barnacles stuck there. 

Another thing ... because she was a devout vegetarian she did not have a parrot on her shoulder like pirates do. She had a carrot instead.

She used to sit by the fire smoking her pipe and opening our presents; mostly chocolate coins covered in gold or silver paper to make them look authentic. She used to count them and say, "pieces of eight ... pieces of eight ..." 

To be honest, I was more intrigued rather than frightened of this elderly pretend Nan pretending to be a pirate. One year, as we drove back home, I questioned my parents about the sanity of this woman whom we visit as a family once a year. I had by then grown up enough to reason in my mind why she would do that and to enquire of my parents as to her motivation.

"Oh ... she doesn't do that all the time!" said my father, "only at Christmas. The rest of the time, for instance I visited her once in the summer," he continued, "and she believed she was a Bishop!"

She wore some clerical vestments made from old blankets and table cloths and walked sideways just like bishops do on a chess board. She also insisted in speaking in Latin only; which made conversations with anyone rather short.

Apart from that, she was completely sane ... apparently.

In fact, she was a professor at the local college lecturing in graffiti and bad behaviour.

Nan Melba ... wherever you are ... may you bring joy to all around you!

Books For Christmas

 

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It's Christmas Time

Happy and Blessed Advent everyone.

We have a tradition in our family. As we approach Christmas we tend to visit family and friends and have gatherings usually at weekends. There's about four or five such gatherings leading on to Christmas day itself.

It was our turn last weekend and we had about a dozen people around.

As everyone was cheerful and merry I remembered an old lady who lives alone a few houses down the road.

No one ever seems to visit her. No family. No friends. No neighbours. No one.

Can you imagine that? Being all alone in her home at Christmas with no one with her. I felt sorry for her.

So I put on my coat and walked down to her house and asked her if we could borrow some of her chairs.

She refused.

What a selfish person. No wonder she is all alone at Christmas!

OK ... I AM JOKING

YOU LOT SHOULD STOP TAKING ME SERIOUSLY!

Thank you

 

The Salvation Army
Territorial Headquarters,
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London,
SE1 6BN
fr@salvationarmy.org.uk
0207 367 4800
Registered charity number England (214779), Scotland (SC009359)

Donation receipt

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Donation amount £102.60
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The Salvation Army is a Christian church and registered charity in England (214779), Wales (214779), Scotland
(SC009359) and the Republic of Ireland (CHY6399)

Help An Elf

 

Well ... perhaps not quite an elf; but you can help someone less fortunate than yourself. And you can do so without spending a penny. Yes, not a penny, or dime or anything else apart from a few seconds of your time.

And it is easy. Here is how you can help someone in need. 

Just leave a comment here below on this post.

For every comment left here I will donate £1.00 to The Salvation Army.

The Salvation Army is a Christian Organisation which helps unfortunate and lonely people, especially these times at Christmas when people and the elderly can be alone and forgotten.

So, to give The Salvation Army a helping hand I will donate £1.00 to them for every comment left here below - up to a total of £100.00 ($120).

Let's get started and see if we can reach 100 comments. 

No repeats please, but invite family and friends to write in.

No Anonymous comments. Leave your name and Blog address if Blogger locks you out so I can visit you and say thank you.

INVITE YOUR FRIENDS TO COMMENT HERE 

This offer will remain open for a few days to help 

The Salvation Army

God bless you all this Christmas and always.

You Are A Star

Imagine they made a movie of your life. A very successful film about you. A film with many awards nominations and many Oscars and other trophies.

What sort of film will it be?

An adventure story about all your travels and the people you met and the things you did?

Or a great romance and a story of love winning despite all adversity and difficulties and prejudice?

Perhaps your life has been one of courage struggling against illness, or poverty or some other obstacle that life throws in our way sometimes.

A comedy maybe? It perhaps fits your character and the way you go through life. Or the other extreme, a horror movie ... and so on ... and so on ...

What movie would characterise your life? Is it perhaps a mixture of all these styles ?

Now imagine you are at the cinema for the première showing of this film made to honour you and your life and contribution to society and this world.

Everyone who is everyone is there. Famous people, family and friends, and cinema and TV critics from all over the world.

Also, sitting next to you watching the film is Jesus.

What would He think of your film? Of your life?

Let's think about that for a few moments ... ... ... 

But wait ... the film is not over yet. Do you realise that right now, this very moment, you have a great opportunity to make sure that your film ... your life ... will have a happy ending.

Then Jesus, sitting beside you, will turn to you and with a smile say, "Thank you!"

More Facts

 

Every so often I like to share with you some interesting facts that you might enjoy or even use in conversation at parties and such gatherings.

Did you know, for instance, that lightning doesn't always strike downwards? Sometimes the lightning, (which is an electric charge), bounces up and meets with another power surge coming down from the clouds.

Whenever there is thunder and lightning and it's very very frightening you should cover all your cutlery. Open the cutlery drawer and cover it with a cloth or napkin. This is because metal attracts lightening which will enter your house searching for the cutlery.

Also, switch off the TV and unplug the aerial because the aerial outside the house will act as a conductor and bring the lightening into your house.

This applies also for people who have metal piercings. Like piercings in their ears, on their face and on their bodies. The metal piercings will attract lightning towards them. I knew a woman who had a metal stud pierced on her tongue. She was out in a storm licking and ice cream. The lightning came down and burned her on the tongue and the ambulance people had to put an Elastoplast adhesive plaster on her tongue for a week until it got better. The ambulance people said she was lucky she was not using a metal spoon to eat her ice cream at the time.

Something similar happened to me years ago in Paris. It was rain, not thunder and lightning. I was eating outdoors in a restaurant with tables on the side-walk as they do in Europe. It started raining and it took me ages to finish my soup.

And now something else. Beavers.

You know the ones? They build dams across rivers. Contrary to popular beliefs beavers do not eat fish but they are vegetarians. They eat plants and wood from trees. Remember that should you ever invite a beaver to dinner. He will eat your table and leave your lovely cooking.

And another thing. If you make tea using tea bags, never ever throw a hot tea bag in the trash bin or else it will start a fire. Take it out of the cup or teapot and let it cool first.

Also, be careful what you mumble under your breath or say when driving with your GPS satellite navigation system on. I got really angry with my car navigation today. I even yelled at it to go to hell. Twenty minutes later, it brought me in front of my mother-in-law’s house.

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper, is a good example.

A key-chain is a device which enables you to lose all your keys at once.

And did you know that the Internet never forgets? The Internet must be a woman.

Finally, some guy knocked on my door today and said, “I’ve got a parcel for your next-door neighbour.”

I said, “You’ve got the wrong house then, mate.”

Sur le Pont d'Avignon

 

Sur le Pont d'Avignon
L'on y danse, l'on y danse

Meaning: On the Avignon bridge people dance.

There I was on the bridge dancing, as it were, when I got too near to the balustrade and fell over into the river.

Now I hasten to add that it may or may not have been the actual bridge of which this song refers. Suffice it to say that I was dancing on a bridge and fell into the river.

Normally, as I fell, my whole life would have flashed in front of me. But this did not happen on this occasion because the fall from the bridge into the water below lasted three or four seconds at the most. Too short a time for one's life to flash in front of one's eyes. 

My first thoughts as I plunged into the cold and dark water below were my mortal fear of being attacked by a shark. Once again, I hasten to add, that at that particular time, I did not know whether the river in Avignon does contain sharks or not. When I panic, I panic big time and I had no means of checking.

I started shouting, "HELP ... HELP ... HEEEELP !!!"

Almost immediately, ten minutes later, three locals appeared on the bridge. One of them said to the two others, "Wot eez zees ELP E eez ze speaking about?"

I did not know whether it was a French or German accent. Or it could have been any other accent. When you're drowning all accents sound the same.

I searched my pocket for the English to French dictionary but it was all wet and of no use. At that point one of the three locals pulled out of his pocket a French to English dictionary and said, "Allo Monsieur ... c'est interdit ... not allowed ... four bitten for you to do zee swimming in ze ri ... ver!"

"I am not doing ze swimming," I said imitating his accent, "I am being afraid of ze shark!"

Have you noticed that when you speak to foreigners you tend to imitate their accent almost without intention. It's as if we subconsciously feel that by imitating their accent they will understand us better.

So I told him in English French that I was terrified of sharks.

"Wot eez eet ze shark?" replied the local after a few minutes having consulted his dictionary.

"Eet eez a biiig fish!" I shouted back in a French accent whilst trying to remain afloat.

"Oh non Monsieur," he replied, "eet eez also ze four bitten to do zee fishing wizout zee licence ... you 'ave zee licence, Monsieur?"

I did not reply because at that point I went under the water for a few seconds. All three of them jumped in and fished me out. I don't know whether they had a licence for this or not.

"You are sa ... ved!" said one of them, "sa ... ved from zee ri ... ver in Avignon!"

I thanked them by saying "merci" several times and one of them offered me his coat to keep me warm.

"Bienvenu to Avignon," said one of them welcoming me to his town.

The other then said, "Good you not do zee fall in zee ri ... ver in Paris. Zis would bee insane!"

Thank you Jesus

 

Jesus, I want to take the time right now, 

To tell you how much I thank you

 With this song I bring to you the praise that's due 

For they come from you through your Spirit 

 

Thank you Jesus, oh thank you Jesus 

For the life you gave to me I thank you Jesus 

Thank you Jesus, oh thank you Jesus 

For the peace that's in my heart I thank you Jesus 

 

I can feel the Spirit dwelling inside of me 

Makes my blind heart see the truth from you 

And I can feel the joy you give now overflow 

And it lets me know that you care for me 

 

Thank you Jesus, oh thank you Jesus 

For the life you gave to me I thank you Jesus 

Thank you Jesus, oh thank you Jesus 

For the joy that fills my soul I thank you Jesus

 

Thank you Jesus, oh thank you Jesus 

For the life you gave to me I thank you Jesus 

Thank you Jesus, oh thank you Jesus 

For the joy that fills my soul I thank you Jesus

Thankfulness

 

 

Let's look in the mirror. What do you see? Do you see a happy face always smiling, laughing and joking? Or is it a miserable face often complaining, worried or concerned about what might happen?

 

When people meet you, are they happy to do so because you'll cheer them up; or do they dread being with you and sharing your problems and difficulties?

 

If we are honest, we all have a tendency to complain. Some more than others. Some justified some not always really so.

 

We seem to complain about so many things. The weather, that's a favourite in the UK. The cost of living, the Government, the environment and the planet, some family members, our health or so many other things.

 

When Moses got the Jews out of slavery in Egypt they did nothing but complain. Complain. Complain. Complain. They spent forty years going round in circles in the desert and wilderness of their souls rather than be thankful to God for having saved them from their enslavement. 

 

Perhaps we are like that sometimes. We are enslaved in our own mindset of negativity and pointless anxiety rather than be thankful for what we have already received and hopeful of more to come.

 

How do you think God feels about that? Our doubts, our worries, our concerns and anxieties? Do they betray a certain lack of trust in Him despite what He has done for us?

 

  In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Thank you Lord

 

Thank you for the flowers that grow in blossoms on the trees

Old familiar faces that I'm always glad to see

Comic strips and fish and chips and people who like me

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Thank you for all the creatures from the mouse to kangaroo

Lambs and spreading birds that fly across the skies so blue

If we took a closer look we'd learn a thing or two

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Gratitude is a simple debt that anyone can pay

Thank you is two little words that go a long long way

So however busy, help me find the time to say

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Thank you for the happy songs that bounce inside my ears

Something clicking something picking the songs I love to hear

Spinning tops and busy shops with Christmas drawing near

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Thank you for your only Son who hung upon the tree

Dying so that we might live for all eternity

It's not much in return but Lord for what you did for me

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

NOTE: I should be grateful for your help please. This song was played by me on my radio program many years ago. Unfortunately all I have is the tape of that program. I do not have the record and I do not know who the singer is, nor the lyrics. I listened to the tape several times and wrote out the lyrics above. Can anyone please help identify the singer or the song and when it was recorded?

Many thanx. God bless.

Happy Thanksgiving

.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL OUR READERS

 

Give thanks in every circumstance, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

 1 Thessalonians 5:19

 

GOD BLESS