Tuesday 12 November 2024

A New Hobby

 

I started a new hobby. Something that will keep me svelte and youthful as ever.

I have taken up synchronised solo swimming. At first I could not swim at all, but I tried learning it from a book. The pages got all wet. 

I have bought a new two-piece costume and I go to the local swimming bath and practice twice a week. 

My instructor says with synchronised solo swimming there is less chance that someone will be out of step with the others.

My instructor is Miss Ava Sprinkle. She made quite a splash at the Olympics some years back. So much so that half the audience nearly drowned.

She taught me how to swim upside down with my legs in the air which I twist round and round like an egg-beater. I can do it for up to 30 seconds then turn over and come up for air.

She explained that we must not fear the water as it is our friend. The best way to gain confidence is to throw yourself backwards in the pool. This way you do not see the water coming towards you. 

To practice, she showed me how to do it on a trampoline first.

I tried it on the trampoline a few times but I eventually had to give up. As I was up in the air bouncing off the trampoline, someone moved it away thinking it was a safety hazard. 

All in all, it is early days yet. Ava Sprinkle suggested I practice synchronised swimming with other people on-line by linking our computer monitors together and see each other on the screen.

Are any of you interested in joining in? We need a team of ten people.

Sunday 10 November 2024

Remembrance Day

 

REMEMBRANCE SUNDAY
ONE MINUTE SILENT PRAYER

Friday 8 November 2024

Investigating Your Bedroom Habits


I am conducting a research project for the University of Dreams and I would be grateful if you would take part in our information gathering exercise. All information will be treated in the strictest confidence and data will be gathered anonymously by researchers who will not divulge their identity to anyone.

We are researching whether sleeping in a North/South position in your bed in alignment with the earth's North/South magnetic polarity affects the way you sleep. 

How is your sleep affected if you slept in an East/West position instead? Will you have a restless night and possibly have nightmares too? Or will it make no difference?

We went out and asked peoples' views and experiences on the matter.

First, we visited a street which is aligned exactly in an East/West direction.

Let's look at the Diagram below:


The man in House A has his bed aligned in exactly a North/South direction. He said that he often does not sleep well and he sometimes has nightmares.

His neighbour living in House B has his bed aligned in an East/West direction. This man said that he often sleeps soundly and wakes up refreshed and ready for a new day.

Encouraged with our findings so far, we went to Houses C and D but there was no one there to answer the door.

We visited other houses down the road and received a variety of responses ranging from, "Mind your own **** business you pervert," to "If you don't go away I'll call the police you **** **** **** !!!"

Undeterred, and fearful for our safety, we rushed to another part of town to continue with our research.

Unfortunately, not all streets run exactly in and East/West direction as in the diagram above.

We found a street which runs at an oblique to the rest of town, so armed with our compass, we continued with our research.

The Diagram below illustrates the point:

The man in house A is not sleeping in a North/South position. He is more North/West. He reported that sometimes he sleeps well and wakes up refreshed, whereas at other times he has a disturbed night.

The man in house B sleeps in a North/East direction. He said that sometimes he sleeps so soundly that he does not hear the alarm clock in the morning. At other times, however, he has nightmares, especially if he has eaten a lot of cheese before going to bed.

We went to House C and asked the man, having loaned him our compass, to sleep at an oblique and exactly in a North/South direction. (See Diagram above).

The next morning we visited him and he said that not only did he not sleep well, but he also had a cricked neck because his head was overhanging the edge of the bed.

In House D we asked the young couple there if they would be willing to sleep in a North/South position and report their findings to us.

The next day they reported that they nearly both fell off the bed sleeping in that position at an angle to the bed. They ended up having a great argument and the husband had to go downstairs and sleep on the couch, whilst his wife locked herself in the bedroom.

When we asked him in which direction he slept on the couch he threatened us with physical violence.

Would you be willing to share with us in which direction you sleep and whether you have noticed any difference in your sleep patterns or the quality of your dreams. 

Also, whether you sleep on your left or right side and does this affect your dreams? Or do you sleep on your back, on your tummy, or the foetal position with your legs right up to your chin?

If you have a beard, do you sleep with the beard above or below the bed covers?

There's evidence that what we wear in bed affects one's sleep. I sleep in a three-piece suit with a tie and socks; but never in my shoes. Party hat optional. How about you?

Finally, we have discovered conclusively that sleeping hanging upside down from a hammock is not affected by the direction of the magnetic pull of the earth, but it is dangerous because you can fall off and smash your head on the floor.

Wednesday 6 November 2024

Peace

 


PEACE

Monday 4 November 2024

Love One Another

 


 UBI CARITAS ET AMOR. 
UBI CARITAS DEUS IBI EST.
 
Where charity and love are
God is there.
BIND US TOGETHER WITH LOVE

Saturday 2 November 2024

Do you stand up for Jesus?

 

Why did God create us? I believe it is because He wants us to spend eternity with Him in Heaven. It is as simple as that.

Our life on this earth is only a temporary journey in preparation for an eternity with our Maker and Creator in Heaven; together with His Son Jesus and the Saints and Holy Spirit. By Saints I mean all those loved ones who have gone before us in a state of grace and love for God.

God wants us all in Heaven for ever. The invitation is sent to everyone. But not everyone responds. Some indeed turn down the invitation and decide to go their own way believing what they want. Denying the very existence of God even. 

And God allows them to go their own way. No one goes to Heaven against their will. No one is forced there.

Just like any loving parent hurts when their child goes astray; so does God grieve when we choose our way as opposed to His. He grieves bitterly but allows it to happen.

It is fashionable these days to proclaim that God does not exist. It is all folklore and antiquated thinking and belief. 

Years ago I worked in London, close to Saint Paul's Cathedral. No one at work knew I was a Christian. Talking about religion and politics was not encouraged at work. One day I visited St Paul's Cathedral with a  colleague. As we entered the vast building he waved his hand in the air in grandiose fashion and said, "Tell me Vic, do you believe in all that?" Meaning God and Christianity.

I replied, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do!" He said nothing. But from that day he acted differently towards me. More polite and respectful. So did other colleagues. In time, other senior managers also acted differently towards me a junior. Word had got round about me. Maybe they thought I was odd, weird, whatever ... but at least they saw me as different.

As Christians, we all have a Mission given to us by Christ Himself. To go out and witness for Him and to spread His Word as best we can.

We don't need to be priests, deacons, nuns and monks, preachers, pastors or whatever else to do so. We can quite simply stand up for Jesus by the way we live our example for others to follow.
 
Recently, a nurse lost her job because she said to a patient, "I am praying for you!" The patient objected because he did not believe in God and took offence at the suggestion of prayers for him. The nurse lost her job - but what a way to stand up for Jesus. The case hit the headlines and eventually made news.
 
We can stand up for Jesus by the way we Blog. Someone might meet Christ for the first time in their lives by what we write. 

Whether we write about our families, or about food and recipes, photos we've taken or art we enjoy, music or humour, as long as every now and then a Christian message seeps through our writings it will do some good somewhere.
 
You do the writing and God will ensure the right person will read it.

Thursday 31 October 2024

Snakes Alive

 

I read in the papers that there is a real possibility that we might have snakes in our homes. Apparently with colder weathers in some countries snakes are entering houses and hiding in the loft or attic by climbing up drain pipes or even hiding in wall partitions or in cellars. They could be hiding behind furniture or anywhere warm; like behind the fridge.

So beware around the house and be on the look-put for anything out of the ordinary. Be careful when picking up clothes left lying on the bed, or a chair or on the floor; as a snake could be curled up amongst the clothes to keep warm. Snakes also like humid conditions for their skin; so be in the look-out in the bathroom, in the laundry basket, or hanging clothes like dressing gowns; you might put one on and find you're sharing it with a python.

A man found a snake in his car engine. It seems the snake crawled into the car from underneath when the car was parked and the engine still warm. When the owner switched on the engine the next morning there was an odd sound. When he opened the bonnet he found the snake had been caught in the cooling fan and had been killed.

With colder weather in some countries, many creatures are finding new living habitat in homes and offices. Especially various spiders, scorpions, snakes and insects.

As for bats ... they may be out and about at night, but where are they the rest of the time? In the wild they live mainly in caves, but if there isn't one near your house where do you think they hide? Try your loft, or your cellar, or the garage, or any other out-building. They can enter your house from any small gap under the roof tiles between the roof and the wall. They are as small as a mouse or rat and can squeeze themselves in. If you go up in the loft or attic to search for something you may well disturb a whole flock of them. If they can't all get out at once, like a crowd from a supermarket, they'll just fly around "blindly" and most likely get entangled in your hair. That's one advantage of being bald.

Have a Happy Halloween ... statistically speaking you are always nearer to a snake, scorpion, bat or rat than you think. "It's behind you!!!!"  

Wednesday 30 October 2024

Family Tree Surprises

 

I have discovered another relative from my family tree search. This is Quentin Smythe-Humphrey the Third. Originally born in Melbourne in Australia. He is a distant cousin twice removed. And you can't get more distant than Australia. Every time we removed him he came back to the UK.  

He fancied himself as somewhat of an explorer always searching for something new to put his name to it. He claimed that he invented the spoon rest. You know, that contraption some people have in the kitchen for putting your spoon when cooking. There is no evidence to substantiate his claim though. 

He also discovered that when you cut down a tree and count the rings in the trunk you can tell the tree's profession - table, wardrobe, desk, bed and so on. He claimed that if a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to see it; it remains upright. 

He is also reputed to have discovered the West Pole; as opposed to the North and South Pole. One day whilst sitting on a beach in England near Liverpool he looked at the sun over the sea. Instead of the sun rising as he expected, the sun actually set slowly down on the horizon and disappeared. Obvious really, seeing he was facing West at the time. He suddenly deduced (wrongly) that the West Pole is in America, which is why people said "Go West young man!" So he took the first plane available and flew to the States in search of the West Pole.

As soon as he landed he hired a car and drove and drove in search of the illusive West Pole. Or is it elusive? What's the difference? Look both of them up in the dictionary and decide for yourself. (You learn something new every day on this Blog).

Anyway, he drove everywhere. On one occasion he drove non-stop for a whole day. Tired, he stopped and asked for directions, (which is a miracle for any man to do). He asked, "Am I 24 hours from Tulsa?" The reply was, "No; you're 48 hours from Tulsa; you've been driving in the wrong direction!"

Quentin Smythe-Humphrey the Third never found the West Pole; but he is revered in the UK for something totally different. Whilst Sir Walter Raleigh is often credited with introducing the potato to Ireland in 1589 and England it was Quentin Smythe-Humphrey the Third who introduced us to French fries and potato chips. Until then, the British cuisine consisted of "boiled meat and two veg" - potato and carrots, potato and peas, potato and parsnips, potato and potato. Sometimes it was three veg, potato, carrots and peas. But Quentin brought us fried fish and chips. A staple diet to this day. Without fried potatoes we would not have French fries, and potato chips. Thank you Quentin.

And another thing. Whilst in America Quentin discovered pizza. We did not have pizza in the UK until then. He tried pizza in the States and liked it. He tried every kind; cheese and tomatoes, with pepperoni salami, with vegetables, with ham, with tuna. He tried every kind of pizza and liked it. It is what is known as the Domino effect!

Monday 28 October 2024

The priest and prostitute

 
ISBN-10: 150106570X 
ISBN-13: 978-1501065705
 

.
AMAZON REVIEWS
 
 This is a very well written 'Who Done It'. I thoroughly enjoyed the plot, and many original lines. The one I remember most was concerning a conversation in which the old saying "If someone yells in a vacuum can it be heard?" You have to appreciate the wit of the author and also the surprise ending. It is a very enjoyable read and I definitely would recommend the author. Yep, tis a fun read. Jack Darnell
 
 A man of many talents, Victor, entertains us with a "Who Don It" in this offering! What I liked MOST about the story---the reminder to not jump to judgement based upon circumstances! Victor tells a story with a touch of tongue in cheek--always--and adds a lesson in morality and faith while weaving an intriguing tale of murder and mystery. The faithful stand by Father Ignatius, but most fall away and even call for heads to roll--reminiscent of the last days of Christ. A talented writer, Victor, has once again used the infamous Father Ignatius to keep us on the edge of our seats--while at the same time gently reminding us of important life lessons. A Great Read! LJC

An intriguing and riveting story that will keep readers interested and engaged through the entire story. Highly recommended! Martha J Orlando 

This is a great fictional book, Moubarak has a talent for writing. Catherine
 
I so much love this book! I am still reading it, have not finished, but love how the story combines adventure, faith, and suspense. The author is very talented and has crafted a wonderful story. My highest recommendation! Deacon Patrick Kearns 


Saturday 26 October 2024

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble

 

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
when I'm perfect in every way.
I can't wait to look in the mirror
cause I get better looking each day.

We live in an age where humility is seen as a weakness. Life has become ever more competitive and to succeed you must push yourself forward, take control, and beat the opposition to end on top of the world - the winner - the Victor!

History is littered with people who made it to the top - kings, rulers, emperors, dictators, military leaders, politicians and so on. They all succeeded by being strong and decisive; or so they'll have you believe. Most of them are now just milestones along the way of history and often forgotten.

The only ever lasting King and Leader of generations, the One Who changed time itself as well as humanity, is Jesus Christ. And He did it with humility and sacrifice. A rare quality these days.

People today believe that they are in control of their lives and events. But in reality they are not.

Only God controls everything everywhere. 

People just go with the flow. Whether we are world leaders, business executives or whatever ... we all go with the flow. We are like tiny ants on a leaf being carried away down the river. We think we're controlling where the leaf is sailing, but in reality we are controlling nothing and we're going with the flow. Carried away with time and events. 

Humility is not a weakness, a compromise, and cowering in fear.

The opposite is true. Humility is a strength of character. It is standing up for what we believe done the Jesus way. He did not hide in fear. He stood up for the truth but did so with gentleness and loving. Humility is caring for others more than we care for ourselves.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.

Humility is not denigrating or devaluing our self-worth. We are priceless in the eyes of God. Humility is standing up for what we believe and focussing less on ourselves and more on others.

I repeat: Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.

In everything we do we should think of how it will impact on others. How can we moderate our thinking, planning, and actions for the benefit of others rather than ourselves? 

In every day life, when we meet others our focus should be more on them rather than on us. How they're doing, their families, their health, their hopes and worries. We should be genuinely interested in other people rather than thinking and talking about ourselves and our achievements.

Only then can we be Christ to someone every day on our way to Paradise.

Friday 25 October 2024

Whale of a time

 

There was a crashing noise in the kitchen whilst I was in the lounge watching Baywatch on TV. I ran to investigate and found a whale in my kitchen. It got straight through the roof and caused a real mess everywhere with broken debris, pots and pans everywhere and smashed furniture. Worst of all, it had ruined my Lancashire hotpot with potatoes, carrots, parsnips and swedes and plenty of mutton. The recipe did not call for fish and there I had a huge whale in the middle of it all.

We are over 60 miles from the sea. How did it get in my kitchen? I phoned the fire brigade but they would not come out because it was not on fire. The police said it was not on their wanted list and strictly speaking, although it was breaking and entering, it had not stolen anything. 

The Animal Rescue people turned up and said it had probably been picked up by a seagull and it proved too heavy for it after 60 miles. They could not help either because the whale was already dead.

I tried to flush it down the toilet but it was too heavy for me to carry upstairs. 

I planned to sell it to a cat food manufacturers. They declined the offer.

Does anyone out there want to buy a whale going cheap? It does bird impersonations too ... cheap ... cheep ... cheep!

Thursday 24 October 2024

English as it is spoke

 

Believe it or not, the two people above are speaking English ... or is it Scottish ... or Australian?

The English language seems to have developed and changed through time as well as geography. In the UK we say chips to mean fried sticks of potatoes, (French fries), and in the USA it means those crispy slices of potatoes which we call crisps. We say lift, you say elevator. We say petrol you say gas ... and so on.

Even in the UK, a small island just North of Europe the size of a postage stamp, we have different meanings for the same words. And different accents too. 

Up in Scotland we have different accents in Edinburgh and in Glasgow, a distance of just a few miles, (or inches if viewed on the map). 

Then we also have Welsh and Irish accents as well as the many accents in England itself. Someone from Liverpool would sound totally different than from Manchester, or from Birmingham, Norfolk, Cornwall or London. In fact in London you'd find different accents depending from which part of London you come from.

Here are some Scottish words and their meaning:

You ken - you know.

Braw - excellent or pleasant.

Dreich - dreary, dull or gloomy.

Eejit – Idiot (this word is also used in Ireland).

Canny – Careful, or sometimes Clever

Dinnae – Don’t

I’ll gie ye a skelpit lug – I’ll give you a slap on the ear!

Yer bum’s oot the windae - actual translation: ‘your bottom is out of the window’; meaning You are talking rubbish, or even You’re not making any sense.

And now some Cockney London Rhyming Slang.

Adam and Eve - meaning "believe" - Would you Adam and Eve it? (Would you believe it?)

Apples and Pears - meaning "stairs" - He went up the apples and pears.

Barney Rubble - meaning "trouble" - He is real Barney Rubble he is!

Brahms and Liszt - meaning "pissed" (drunk) - He came out of the pub totally Brahms and Liszt.

Bristol - short for a football team called Bristol City - which rhymes with titty meaning breast. So you would say - She had some large Bristols on her. Or, look at those Bristols.

Butcher's - short for butcher's hook - rhyming with and meaning "look" - Let me have a butchers at it. (Let me look at it).

Dog and bone - phone. I spoke to her on the dog and bone. She said her dog's meat (feet) hurt her and she had an itch on her fireman's hose (nose) and a pain in her Gregory Peck (neck). She went out and crossed the frog and toad (road) to fetch her dustbin lid (kid). When he got home, her dustbin lid (kid) was Hank Marvin (starving) and wanted feeding; but he said he wanted a Jimmy Riddle (piddle = urinate) first. So he went up the apples and pears - or tables and chairs (stairs) and pointed Percy to the porcelain (pointed his man bits to the porcelain urinal or toilet). She called him down but he must have been Mutt and Jeff (deaf) at the time because he didn't answer her.

She heard him wash his hands with a bit of Bob Hope (soap) and then he had a bread and cheese (sneeze) because he was coming down with a cold. He sat in front of the custard and jelly (telly = TV) and watched the baked bean (queen) give her Christmas address to the nation.

Enough Cockney Rhyming Slang for now. I'll say goodbye and go to the trouble and strife (wife) in the hope that she's got a Vera Lynn (gin) ready for me.

Tara now!