Did it happen to you?

 

Did this ever happen to you? You're alone at home, or in a room, doing something completely natural like watching TV, or cooking in the kitchen, or washing the dishes, or reading a book, and then suddenly, for a split tiny bit of a second, from the corner of your eye you see a figure. It's so quick you almost have imagined it. Either a figure standing there or walking past you and out of sight.

Has this ever happened to you? And you stop and think. Have I imagined it? Was someone there? Surely not. Don't be silly, I just imagined it ... or did I?

If this ever happened to you; what was it? A ghost? A spirit? An Angel? Or your imagination?

Many people report that they've sometimes seen something or someone and perhaps not really see it. A quick vision as if there was someone there. And it normally happens when they are alone; either at home or in a room with other people elsewhere in the house.

The reason I am asking all this is because last Christmas, one evening I got home late, and as I entered the house I am sure I saw out of the corner of my eye Santa Claus running out of the kitchen into the back garden. He jumped over the fence into the neighbour's garden, and then in the street where he drove off at speed.

I asked my wife about it and she said I was imagining things. People often do.

What do you think?

REVIEWS

 

LINK HERE

REVIEW: 

***** LJC

I was first introduced to Victor's work in the blogging world. I was so enamored with his great sense of humor, that I never hesitated when he announced this book on his blog, "Time for Reflections:. It is so refreshing to read a humorous book filled with wit and humor without the need to spice it up with vulgar language or sexual undertones. Victor shows us, page after page, life is quite humorous--especially when you don't mind making yourself the brunt of the joke. An easy to read--delightful page turner--Victor has once again hit a home room with this little charmer! - 

***** Myra G

Victor's imagination knows no bounds! Were I only to possess a kernel ... but will be content to applaud from the sidelines.

REVIEW:

** Donald D

I do not recommend you buy these shoes. They arrived promptly within two days but instead of a pair I got three shoes. All for the left foot. I wore them by forcing my feet in and I looked like a duck. See photo.
 

REVIEW:

* Simply Slim

Definitely do NOT buy these ladies' underwear. I specifically asked for Very Extra Large size, and although the label says Very Extra Large they did not fit me. Must have shrunk during postage and delivery.

REVIEW: 

***** Adonis

I totally recommend Michelangelo Self-Sculptures. I sent them a photo and they made an authentic statue of me.

REVIEW:

* M A Skunk

Do not buy. Garlic scented air fresheners are a stupid idea. The label said it brings an appetising aroma to your kitchen. The place stinks and the neighbours have complained to the landlord and I am being evicted. Even the mice have escaped from the apartment. One good point is that it kills flies.

REVIEW: 

** Art Nouveau

Totally useless. I bought this authentic porcelain scene and the tower did not lean to one side as expected. I had to put some chewing gum under the legs to make it lean sideways. Why can't they be accurate with their souvenir models?

MUST SEE LINK

Jocularity Bus

 

A skeleton walks into a bar, sits down and says "I'll have a beer and a mop"

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People that don't eat meat are called vegetarians, but what do you call people that don't eat vegetables? Constipated!

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What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark? A chicken.

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Two Peanuts were walking down a dark alley. One was a salted.

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Two little boys are at a wedding when one leans over to other and asks: "How many wives are we allowed to have?"
His friend answered "Sixteen. Four better, four worse, four richer and four poorer!"

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I'm one of those people who can bring traffic to a standstill. By pressing the stop button at pedestrian crossings

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A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips... "Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."

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I went out in the garden to prune a tree. I had my step-ladder with me. I've had my step-ladder for years. I never knew my real ladder. 

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Getting my dad some strong aftershave and a cigarette lighter for Christmas. Can't wait to see his face light up.

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A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners. '
'Go away!' said the old lady. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money!' and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. 'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'
The old lady stepped back and said, 'Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning.

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A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel.
They, as expected, gladly accepted the offer, and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me.

"Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"

A Walk In The Woods

 

I was in France and I volunteered to take little Filou out for a walk in the park and the woods beyond. I was concerned about the responsibility of taking someone else's dog for a walk; but our hosts and friends said, "do not zee woree ... 'e is a obedient dog, 'e will come back when you zee call 'im!"

I took no chances at releasing him; but once in the woods the damned animal shook his head and slipped out of his collar. He escaped as fast as his legs could carry him and despite his age he certainly did not need a walking frame to run away as a sprightly young pup.

I called him, "Filou ... come here ... come here boy ... here ..." but I forgot that the stupid creature did not know a word of English. So I tried again with a French accent, "Filou ... come zee 'ere ... 'ere Filou ... I 'ave zee délicieux KFC leg for toi!"

He ignored me. Possibly preferring frogs' legs to KFC ones; or escargot maybe.

It was getting dark. It was then I met an old man in the woods. He looked like a tramp in his dirty coat and hat. 

I'm not saying he was a tramp. He was just not wearing a tweed jacket or a pin-striped suit made in Saville Row in London. He could have been a rich super-billionaire travelling incognito, for all I know. All I said is he "looked" like a tramp. As do I often, according to my wife. She said I give the impression that she does not care who she is with! Is that a compliment about me, I wonder?

I said, "Hello ... have you seen a dog running here? A small one ... white!"

He looked at me in a confused puzzled expression. I'd forgotten he probably does not speak English. What is it with people abroad? Why can't they learn English?

I said slowly, "HELLO!"

He replied, "'Allo!" in a French accent. I suppose in another country he would have used the accent of that country. But this time it was in French. "Allo!" he said.

At last we were making progress. I then pretended to bark and then motioned with my hands that Filou was small. I almost went down on all fours and then ran on the spot to indicate the dog had ran away.

He shrugged his shoulders and went "Meinhh !!" and walked away. 

As he came close to a tree he just vanished. You normally expect a person to go behind a tree and then appear again as he walked past the tree. Not this guy. He just vanished. Instead, he was replaced by a fox which ran away into the woods screaming in French.

I was desperate to find Filou. I couldn't go back to its owners without him. I kept on walking in the dark woods and every so often shouting "Filou ... Filou ..." in French like a demented tourist in a foreign land. Which I was at the time.

Eventually, I saw the tramp again. 

"'Allo ..." I said remembering to use a French accent, "zee dog ... woof woof ... zee running ..."

He shrugged his shoulders again and kept on walking. As he approached a tree he vanished again and was replaced by a screeching owl which flew towards me and then disappeared in the trees.

A little further on I saw the tramp yet again. Before I could speak he disappeared behind a tree and a deer stood there looking at me.

My imagination was running wild. Faster than Filou did when he escaped. Was this wood haunted? Is this tramp a ghost? Do ghosts speak in accents and are they limited to one language? Or do they understand all languages regardless of where they are? Are those creatures ghosts as well? Can you have fox, owl and deer ghosts? Do animal ghosts exist and speak? In what language and accents? What about Filou? Where the hell is he?

I was dejected and disheartened at the same time. In that order.

I decided to head back home and all the way I was rehearsing in my head how to explain to my hosts that I'd lost their precious dog; and what accent I should use in my explanation.

When I arrived, they said, "Where 'ave you zee been? We all zee veree woree for you ... Filou 'e 'az been 'ere over one hour ago!" 

Oh ... not that again.

 

I make no apologies for returning to this subject again. I am sure that at least one of my readers needs to hear this message today.

I regularly check the statistics on this Blog. They are usually in three digits. So if one person in a hundred gets something from this post today then it was worth repeating.

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:25

If you know something and don't act on it then you are convicted/condemned in the eyes of God. So there you have it. Now you know.

God is asking you; telling you, to forgive or else He will not forgive you.

I have been hurt badly by someone in life. I have tried to forgive that person and asked God in prayer to forgive them and care for them. But if I meet that person again I'd punch them on the nose. Perhaps not literally but figuratively speaking. Because being with that person would not only re-open old wounds but would also place me and others in similar situations as before.

Does that make my forgiveness invalid?

We all owe it to ourselves to protect ourselves and our loved ones from evil and harm. It is our responsibility and duty to do so. If by returning to the previous state of affairs puts us at risk, it is right not to place ourselves in that situation. We can forgive someone without returning to the status quo. God understands and respects such a decision.

But what if that person asks for our help?

Difficult one this. It is also our duty in the eyes of God to help that person as best we can. To say you forgive them and to withhold our help is the same as not forgiving them.

In my books, I have often written that this world will never know peace until it learns to forgive. 

But what is world peace? World peace is when we all genuinely forget the past and truly forgive with a view to moving forwards in love and harmony as God commanded.

And it starts with one person at a time. Starting with you ... and me.

Proclaiming one's Faith

 

Look folks, I find it difficult writing these posts without sounding preachy, holier than thou, and often repetitive. This is predominantly a Christian Blog and from time to time I feel it necessary to write something about God' Good News. In effect, this Blog is an extension, or a sequel, to a radio program I used to present called "Time For Reflections".

The fact that it is sometimes repetitive is because there's only one message from God. And it is worth repeating. If I were to change it, or add my gloss on it, then it would not be God's Good News but something else totally wrong.

If you are honest with yourself, and look back on your life, there will be at least one event or situation where God intervened for the good in your life. Think about it. There's been an occasion or more where you made a decision, or something happened, that changed the course of your life. That's when God was there for you.

No matter who you are, whether you are a Christian or not, whether you believe in God or not; the reality is that He was there for you when you needed Him most; whether you realise it or not.

It is important to remember such events because they will sustain us in future when we meet with other obstacles which may challenge or dent our Faith. It is when we are tired and weak that the devil steps in to tempt us away from God and to derail our Faith in Him. These are the times to remember past events when He saved us from dire situations.

We've all had difficult times in life. I know I've had quite a few. As well as marking them as beacons of God's loving interventions we should also use them as an opportunity to proclaim His eternal love for us in our lives. Our witness may well be the trigger for someone else to be led to believe.

You are not alone

 

I feel led to write this post.

As we approach the season of Christmas, in this secular world we live in, many people are preparing for the festivities by buying food, drinks, presents and all else they need to make the day a joyful and plentiful one. Already around here some houses have decorated Christmas trees and lights at their windows for all to see - and it's mid-November.

Whilst all this excess is being planned and enjoyed in the days from Christmas to the New Year, we tend to forget those who are alone and may well spend the day with just their memories for company.

The Saint Vincent de Paul Society near us are already putting together parcels of food and other presents which they plan to donate to those they know are alone and perhaps cannot even afford a proper meal.

In an age of great advancements in technology with many communications gadgets and services like cell-phones, internet, social media, texts and so on; we still have the destructive blight of loneliness which can destroy all hope from one's soul.

It is not always the old who are alone in their homes with no one for company. Loneliness can affect all ages and all walks of life. You can be in a crowd with friends, colleagues, church members, and you are still alone ... inside.

Anyone in such a situation should remember that you are not alone. Christ is close at hand ready to help - only a prayer away. 

But in more practical terms, you should reach out to someone you trust and share what is keeping you isolated. Often, it is a concern, or worry, which we feel we cannot possibly share with anyone else. But it need not be so. There's always someone able to help. A pastor perhaps, a medic, a counsellor, a professional, organisations like St Vincent or The Salvation Army,  or a friend.

Reach out ... and do not suffer alone.

As for the rest of us ... we too should be aware of the loneliness around us and reach out a friendly hand or smile to help. 

Be Jesus to someone. 

Thanksgiving

 

Thanksgiving is a lovely time of the year celebrated in many countries on different days. Years ago, the day was observed as an opportunity of giving thanks for the blessings of the harvest and of the preceding year. Although Thanksgiving has historical roots in religious and cultural traditions, it has long been celebrated as a secular holiday as well. 

It is a time when we gather as families and friends and enjoy good times together in festive food and drinks. A lot like Christmas in the UK. It is such a pity we don't celebrate Thanksgiving here.

I believe that Thanksgiving should also be a time of reflective prayers of gratitude to God for what He has done for us. Not just the gift of Creation and for sending Jesus in our lives to save and redeem us; but also for all the saving miracles He has performed for us throughout our lives; whether we know of them or not. Saving graces from so many dangers and evils that we know little or nothing about.

When times are bad, we often pray to God for help; and when the danger is over we usually forget to thank Him for His Divine interventions. Giving thanks becomes for us a random event remembered for past graces or even present ones if we are going through difficult times. 

But should our gratitude just be restricted to life's events? Should we not also thank God for mercies as yet unrealised?

God does not just control past and present events in our lives. He is there, ahead of us, preparing the way for us back to Paradise should we choose to follow it. He anticipates what is in store for us in the future and protects us from anything which would lead us astray from His Word. 

By thanking Him for the future we are sharing in this anticipation and we are proclaiming our faith and trust in Him that He will protect and guide us through whatever lies ahead. As we thank Him that He will not fail us in the future we are participating in our own salvation hand in hand in His Divine love and caring.

Happy Thanksgiving to all our readers.

The Jogger

 

Well I've been a trucker more than twenty years
From the Charleston coast to the Jersey piers
Sharin' the road with race car nuts and loggers
Sunday drivers scouts on hikes Hells Angels on Harley bikes
I never met a roader I didn't like cept them joggers

 

One day I'm rollin' down 1-0-1
I got 18 wheels under 14-tons
Radio playin' a good ol' country rocker
The day was sure a trucker's dream
The sky was sunny and the air was clean
When up ahead on the road I seen one of them joggers

 

He was dressed like they do in baby blue
With shortie shorts and a headband too
I yelled Sweetie I bet that you are the hit of the men's room locker
But I'm a runnin' late with an overload
So get your Adidas off a this road
I'm LA bound and I don't slow down for dead raccoons or joggers

 

Well without breakin' stride or losin' poise
He said you and that rig sure make some noise
But I can't talk now cause I'm racin' against the clocker
But it's just nine miles to Forkers Leap
And if you ain't afraid to race that heap
We'll see how that ol' rig holds up against a super jogger

 

Race I must be hearin' wrong
The boy's been runnin' in the sun too long
The only place he's racin' to is a doctor's
But before I could say thank you no
That fool yells ready get set go
And the race is on we're off and gone me and that maniac jogger

 

Well I could've left him far behind
But I played with him like a fish on a line
And I stayed about a half a mile behind that sucker
Then I pushed her up to forty-five
And he sees me comin' and he starts to fly
So I pushed her to sixty and shift to high and finally catch that jogger
And it wasn't easy

 

Now I'm doin' eighty and I turned to check
And he's stayin' right with me neck in neck
His hearts a thumpin' like my engine goin' pop pop pocker
Then he yells out I hope you're set
Cause I ain't shifted into second yet
Then he unwinds and leaves me behind eaten the dust of a jogger

 

Then I see him joggin' up into the sky
And he yells hey thanks for the exercise
I hope that losin' this race was not too shockin'
Ya see my dad says heaven's no place to run
And I try to be an obedient son
So I have to come down to earth to do my joggin'

 

Well that's my story take it or leave it
My trucker buddies they believe it
So do those race car nuts and Harley hoggers
And I'm still drivin' much the same
Cept I don't call nobody names
And I tip my hat each time I pass one of them good old joggers

 

Hey here comes one now... Hey good buddy
How ya doin?
Want some gatorade?

The Bus Of Jokes

 

A woman's closet door was making terrible sounds whenever a bus was crossing the street outside, so she called a carpenter to check it out.

The carpenter comes to see what's the problem but sees nothing. Right then a bus is crossing the street and a loud creaking sound is heard coming from the closet. He can't believe it, so strange. "Hmmm..." says the carpenter to the wife.

"How unusual. Perhaps if I sit inside before the next bus comes I can see what's making such a noise inside." The wife thinks it's a good idea. The carpenter goes inside the closet and gets comfortable, looking at the wood.

A few minutes later the husband arrives home. While the wife is in the bathroom, he goes into the bedroom and opens the closet. To his shock, there's a man sitting inside! He throws a look to the bathroom, and then slowly turns his face to the carpenter with murder in his eyes.

"What the heck are you doing in MY HOUSE, in MY CLOSET?" he growls ominously.

"Ah, well..." the carpenter swallows nervously. "Would you believe me if I told you I'm waiting for the bus?"

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This is a story about a newly-wed couple who had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife,

"Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India - they had it all.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I promise. OK?"

You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out five dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

The husband tries once again. "But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, sweetie pie? Smiled the wife. "Then drink your bloody beer in your darn frozen mug and eat your stupid snacks, because you are married now, and you aren't going anywhere! Got it, moron?"

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A man came to see his family doctor.

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said: "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

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A man spent all his life alone, finding no love. At age 96, he dies and goes to heaven. At the same time, a woman spent all her life alone, finding no love. At age 102, she dies and goes to heaven.

As chance has it, they both meet at the heavenly library, discovering they both have a deep love for books, they start talking and amazingly enough, after a lifetime of unhappiness, fall in love.

They walk up to God and ask to be married. "Give me some time," Says God, "and I’ll get back to you. This is quite extraordinary." Four years pass, and after the couple waited patiently, God finally tells the man and woman that He can have them married.

A few centuries pass and the man and woman fall out of love. They approach God once more and this time they ask, sadly, for a divorce.

God responds: “It took me four years to find a priest in this place. How long do you think it’ll take me to find a lawyer?!”

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A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!”

His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”

Her husband replied: “That’s at home, my dear. Here the chef knows how to cook!”

Talents

 

I read in an old magazine that men will become extinct in some thousand years’ time because there is something wrong with their Y chromosome. I don’t claim to have understood the article but the fact is men will become extinct.

This is terrible news. If men became extinct then who will catch the spiders when they fall in the bath?

Men have a special talent for that sort of thing.

Jesus tells us a story about talents. You can read it in Matthew 25:14.

It’s about a rich man who gives his servants different sums of money depending on their ability. A while later he checks on them, and finds that two servants had invested the money and earned more. The third servant however had hid the money and it did not grow one penny.

Obviously the rich man was very disappointed with the servant who had not used the money to earn more.

The moral of this story is that we all have talents for something or other. Music, sport, business or whatever.

What is your talent in life? Are you using it to the Glory of God?

Innovative Business Ideas

 

OK folks, put your thinking caps on because I need your help in new business ventures that could make you, and me, a lot of money.

You may remember that 5 years ago I invited you to invest in a successful business venture. Some of you did, and made a pretty penny.

Well, the opportunity has arisen again for you to invest and accumulate. A business consortium has hired me to participate and judge business proposals and plans put to them for adjudication and investments. So far, we have the following proposals.

DRIVING DONKEY DERBY This idea is to set up a school which will teach donkeys to drive. It's not what you think. We don't have donkeys sitting in the driver's seat and using the steering wheel; albeit they would no doubt drive better than some people on the road these days. In this plan the donkey remains upright in a comfortable box/cage suitable for his size and he uses his two front legs to step on two pedals - drive and brake - and the car moves automatically. To steer the vehicle he pushes with his nose on two buttons denoting left and right. Donkeys could be used in agriculture to drive various farm vehicles or in industry to drive lifting equipment like fork lift trucks and cranes.

TOENAIL MUSEUM This proposal is to set up a celebrities toenail museum in London with outlets in other British cities like Birmingham, Manchester, Edinburgh and Cardiff; as well as in other countries. The intention is that celebrities like famous singers, comedians, sports personalities, or politicians would donate their toenails cuttings to the museum and they will be displayed tastefully in glass containers with an inscription about the donors. This will bring fans closer to their idols without having to travel long distances or fight the crowds and security people to get near them. Donors would donate several samples of their produce to be placed in more museums as the chain of outlets grows and increases throughout the UK, Europe and the world.

HAPPY HOME FOR DISTRESSED WEASELS Weasels are small mammals about 6 inches long with slender bodies to enable them to follow their prey into burrows. They feed on small mammals and have from time to time been considered vermin because some species took poultry from farms or rabbits from commercial warrens. They do, on the other hand, eat large numbers of rodents. Basically, they are an important element in the natural food chain but have over the years got a bad press because of the odd chicken or rabbit that ended up in their hot pot with tasty vegetables. Because of this, many of these lovely creatures end up desolate, distressed, disillusioned, disheartened, disappointed, disenchanted and dissatisfied with life. Some are even disgusted at this cheap attempt at seeking sympathy by such a display of alliteration. The Happy Home For Distressed Weasels aims to provide them with a retirement place where they can enjoy their remaining years in contentment and joy watching soap programmes on TV.

INVITATION If any of our readers wish to invest in any of these business ventures, or have a business idea of your own you wish to put forwards please contact me at the "CONTACT US" button at the top right or in the comments box below. Let's show the world that innovation is still alive and kicking and can beat AI any time of the day or night ... or evening ... afternoon ... dawn ... twilight ... dusk ... sunset ... sundown ...

Are we there yet?

 

Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Of course we're not there. If we were there I would not keep driving would I?

Don't speak to them like that. You're upsetting them.

Upsetting them? Me? They've been going on ever since we left home. Are we there yet ... are we there yet ... Can we stop to go to the toilet ... I am hungry ... I'm thirsty ... Why couldn't they go to the toilet before we left home? 

Don't shout. You'll traumatise them for the rest of their lives with your shouting.

Are you kidding me? Traumatise them? What about what they are doing to me? I can't concentrate on my driving with their constant nattering and continuous demands for food drinks and toilets. 

Now look what you've done! You've made them cry ... Here ... dry your tears. Don't worry about him, he is highly stressed and in some pain since they cut off that pimple on his backside. There ... that made you smile ... who's got a pimple on his bum? He has ...

Very funny.

At least I managed to soothe them and calmed them down. You really need to cool down a little and be more understanding. They can't help it at their age.

I guess you're right ... anyway ... we've now arrived at our destination as the GPS machine would say.

Here we are Mom and Dad. We've arrived back at the Seniors Home. We'll see you again next week perhaps. Bye.

Punch up in Heaven!

 

You're a good Christian trying to live life as Christ would want you to and despite a few stumbles every now and then, for the most part, you're doing OK.

You meet another Christian, in Church, at work, at the tennis club or perhaps on the Internet.

That person too is a good Christian, like you, trying to live up to Christ's Word and be an example to others.

Somehow, the two of you fall out a little, you don't see eye to eye on certain matters; Liturgy perhaps, or Christian behaviour, or interpretation from the Bible. Slowly relations cool down to the point where you don't talk any more.

Years later, you meet up in Heaven.

Do you pick up the argument where it left off and try to prove, with evidence from Jesus and the Saints, that you were right all along?

Or do you rejoice in what unites you rather than dispute over your differences?

If the latter ... then why wait until you're in Heaven to do it?

A Good Heart

 

Potatoes Have Eyes

 

Potatoes have eyes, but they cannot see. Those little white sprouts on the potato that look like roots are called eyes, and can be used to plant a new potato.

Bats have eyes but they have poor vision. This is because they are nocturnal and they live in caves, (like Batman). So their eyes have adapted to the darkness of the cave. If they were to go out at night the brightness of the moon would be like a flash from a camera to them. They'd need sunglasses, or moonglasses! These are expensive to make for bats and they'd fall off and break as they hung upside down from trees.

So over the years the bats have adapted through evolution and their eyes are suitable to see when in the caves but they use their ears, (sound/sonar) for guidance when out flying at night.

Deep under the sea it is very dark. So how do fish see and not bump into each other? Glasses are of no use to them because they'd get wet and you can't see through wet lenses.

Like bats, their eyes have evolved to detect a lower number of photons (bits of light) so they see the darkness as light. If you were to lift a fish from deep down up to the surface the chances are it will be in agony and go blind because of the light up here on the surface. More photons per square metre than deep down in the sea. So, unlike bats, these fishes have decided to stay at the bottom of the sea and not come up to the surface or hang upside down from trees.

And whilst we're talking about water; did you know that humans cannot feel wet? We can't feel the sensation wet. If you blindfold someone and give him two sets of clothing, one wet/damp and one cold he could not tell the difference by touch. (Not wringing or squeezing - just touching). The human skin can feel cold and hot. Not wet. Admittedly if you put your hand in a bowl of water you'll feel it - but this is feeling the existence of water not feeling the wetness. And if someone's asleep and you put his hand in a bowl of water he'll feel wet - but that's different.

And finally ... we've talked about darkness here - in caves as well as deep in the bottom of the sea. But in reality, there is no such thing as darkness. Darkness is the absence of light. Remember that next time you stub your toe against something in the dark; or you fall over on the way home at night from the pub.

“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows Me will never walk in the darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

NOTE: If there is anything else scientific, or religious, you wish me to explore and write about here then please let me know.

Wise or Selfish

 

Father Ignatius approached the lectern and said, "We have just read from the Gospel of Saint Matthew Chapter 25 onwards Jesus telling the parable of the five foolish women and the five wise ones who took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom.

"What is Christ teaching us here? The obvious answer is that we should always be ready for His return. Keep awake, He says, you don't know the day or the hour of His return.

"There's always someone predicting when the world will end, and they read signs in the state of the world today and from that they deduce that we are near the end times. The reality is that only God knows when this will happen. Jesus said that even He did not know the date or time. 

"But there's more to this parable than just this message. You will note that the five wise women took enough oil for their lamps when they waited for the bridegroom. Whilst the foolish women took no additional oil with them.

"When eventually the bridegroom arrived, the foolish women ran out of oil and asked to borrow some from the wise ones. The wise women refused and told them to go buy some oil for themselves.

"Were these women wise or just selfish? Should they have shared the oil evenly? Isn't that what Christianity all about? Being kind to one's neighbours and share with those who have not?

"What is Jesus teaching here?" 

Father Ignatius stopped a while, as he usually did, to allow the message to sink in; and then he continued.

"Jesus is teaching that there are some things you cannot borrow from someone else. You cannot borrow their faith, their preparations, their zeal and their love for God, their fruits of the Spirit. 

"The wise women had faith in the bridegroom arriving and prepared for that event. Their love for the bridegroom was obvious by their actions. We cannot as individuals say because someone else has great faith therefore we are saved. A man can't say that because his wife is a good faithful Christian therefore he is OK because God will see him right. Our entry into Heaven does not depend on someone else's faith. Only God decides who enters Heaven. He has invited everyone; but we should respond to that invitation. We don't go in as wife plus one!"

The congregation laughed. The priest waited a moment and then went on.

"What are the fruits of the Spirit? In Galatians 5:22 and 23 Paul says the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.These are gifts given to those who have the Holy Spirit abiding in them. You can't borrow them from someone else. 

"I believe that's the secondary message in this parable. The first one is that we should always be prepared for the coming of the Lord because we do not know the day or the hour. The second message is that we cannot borrow our salvation from someone else. If we want to be saved we should ask our Lord to help us on our road to Paradise."

Remembrance Day

 Armistice Day and Remembrance Sunday- 11 November

IL SILENZIO

So what did you do in life?

 

My friend JACK in a recent Blog post asked the question "did you follow a life close to your parent's?" You can read him HERE.

Well, NO - I did not. I am not as clever as my Dad or Mom. I just got along from education to a junior administration job in a large multi-national and then made a career there.

But I do come from quite and inventive and clever family. Obviously, the cleverness missed a generation when it came to me.

My grand-father was a famous explorer. He travelled round the world trying to find things. Once when on the Equator he discovered the East Pole. We all know about the North and South Poles, but he discovered the East One. Unfortunately he was unable to pin it down in any one place because the Earth kept moving round from left to right and the East Pole kept escaping away.

My other grand-father worked in a famous zoo. His job was picking up penguins. As you know, penguins just stand there looking at the visitors in the zoo taking photographs. However, when an air-plane flies overhead the penguins get distracted and they all look up and follow the plane with their eyes. If the plane comes from in front and flies slowly at height over them, they raise their heads up and follow it slowly tilting back and back until they all fall flat on their backs. That's when grandpa would come into the enclosure and pick them up again and makes them stand in a line. It was a 24/7 job because the zoo was nearby to an airport. No sooner he picked some penguins up, than another species in another enclosure would fall over and need picking up. He spent his time running from one enclosure to another. So being a descendant from an inventive family tree, he tied all the penguins in a straight  line to a long wooden pole, (not the East one), running behind their backs. So when they fell he just picked up one of them and they all stood up in unison. The manager was not amused and threatened to fire him. So he spent the rest of his career picking up penguins one at a time.

My other grand-father invented the spoon rest. Before that, cooks and chefs, and everyone in the kitchen had a problem when using spoons in the kitchen. They would stir the soup, or the broth or whatever they were cooking and then did not know where to put the spoon. If they left it on the table it would make a stain of soup or whatever they were cooking. Also, it was unhygienic placing the spoon on the table and then  back into the pot for another stir. Some cooks put the spoon behind their ears like you would a pencil or pen, but this resulted in soup or sauce in their hair. Others, tried putting the spoon in their pockets; but that wasn't clever either. So this grandpa invented the spoon rest, (see prototype above), and now we have an extra thing to wash and clean when in the kitchen.

My other grand-father invented the cold air balloon. But it did not take off.

My other grand-father was a film star actor. He was the hump on The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

My other grand-father was a glazier fixing broken windows. One day he replaced all the glass panes in an office block then realized he had a crack in his spectacles.

My other grand-father invented a humane way to kill ants. Totally natural with no polluting chemicals. He started with a flat stone upon which he mixed a spoonful of sugar and a spoonful of pepper. The ants would be attracted by the sugar. Inhale the pepper and sneeze knocking themselves dead on the flat stone. 

My other grand-father wanted to be a lion whisperer. He finally achieved his life-long ambition just moments before he died.

My other grandfather invented a compass which always pointed in the opposite direction he was travelling. He did not know whether he was coming or going. He also invented a luminous sundial so he could tell the time at night. His sundial watch did not catch on though ... except on his sleeves as he put his shirts on.

My other grand-father ... are you keeping up with me? He was a medic. He practised reverse liposuction. He put fat into thin people. Something he invented when he worked at a sausage factory. He was fired from the hospital when he also invented instant laxative. He also invented a new technique to deal with loose excess skin when overweight people lose weight. He tried it on a colleague. He pulled up all the loose extra skin upwards, ever so upwards, and stretched it tightly until all his excess skin was tied into a knot and hidden behind the man's neck. He looked perfectly well except that his navel was now on his forehead. He also had a very unusual tie.

Is God Boring?

 

You know what it's like with some people. They say that they believe, although they probably don't know what they believe. They used to go to church at some point in their lives but now they have stopped. They say because it's boring.

Well let me tell you; God is not boring. Christians are boring; or some of them at least. 

You go to church and the priest, or minister, pastor or vicar, is as boring as a rice pudding going mouldy. His name is Fartoo Long to coincide with the length of his sermons which are delivered in a slow, monotonous, droning voice which would make the dead glad not to be in his congregation.

And it's not just the priest. Look at the parishioners too. Most of them have long faces like a mile or two of bad road; and some of them look down on you from on top of their glasses so as not to wear out the lenses. 

Then there's the choir led by Mrs Tone Deaf screeching at her heart's content solo as if she's an opera singer. How does she really know the tune to all those psalms she sings interminably? Did those archaeologists who found the old scrolls find the music score too? How does she know that her continuous wailing is exactly as those psalms were meant to be sung? Does God really deserve the punishment of her voice?

No ... God is not boring. People are.

God created us out of love and because He loves us so much He gave us so many things to enjoy. He does not want us to endure this life, but to enjoy it in preparation for more joy and happiness for eternity in Heaven.

Look at the beauty of the world He created. The mountains, the seas, countryside, clouds and beautiful skies. Look at the different colours of the trees, flowers, birds and fauna and animals.

Consider all the wonderful sounds for us to hear. The sound of the waves by the shore, the singing of birds, the droplets of rain, the laughter of a child, as well as music and singing for our enjoyment and praise to our Lord. (Mrs Tone Deaf take note).

Think about all the different tastes and the wonder of touch and all our other sense which God created for our pleasure and enjoyment.

These are not the gifts of a boring Divine Father. 

It is humanity, through its selfishness and taking everything for granted, which has turned Paradise into the hell we now inhabit - physically and spiritually.

Christians have an obligation to be joyful and to display this joy for all to see. 

How else do they expect others to admire them and follow their example?

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

What happens next?

 

This article is to help us test understanding and beliefs. Please share your views in the comments box below or write to me at the "Contact Us" tab at the top right.

Let's start a discussion.

When someone dies we say they are in Heaven. This suggests that for them, a judgement has already happened and they are now either in Heaven or hell. Let's not discuss the belief in Purgatory for now.

Jesus implies this in the parable of the rich man and Lazarus. Luke 16:19-31

Both individuals died and Lazarus was sent to Abraham's side (meaning Heaven), and the rich man to Hades (hell).

Also, when on the Cross, Jesus said to the repentant thief that "today" he will be in Paradise.

So, this being the case, what is, and when is the final judgement? When Jesus will come and divide the goats from the sheep?

Does our judgement happen the moment we die and we go to our eventual destination? Or do we wait for judgement day?

Also, the Bible teaches that when we are "resurrected" we will have new bodies. That is, we will not be just souls but have a body. Just like Jesus did when He was resurrected. 

When Jesus was transfigured on the mountain, (Matthew 17:1-9), the disciples saw Moses and Elijah  with Jesus on the Mount of Transfiguration.They recognised them as bodies not as souls, or ghosts. So what happened I wonder? Where they already resurrected in their new bodies before the "Rapture"?

How about all the people in the past like Saint Peter, Mary, Joseph, Thomas etc ... Where are they now? In Heaven as bodies or as souls? Or are they also waiting for judgement day?

Your views and comments, especially with Bible references, would be appreciated. Especially if you know any pastors etc who could add their views too. 

What do you think?

NOTE: CATHOLIC CHURCH TEACHING.

The moment you die your Particular Judgement takes place.  

It is then decided by God if you will go straight to Heaven or spend time in Purgatory or you will go straight to Hell.

No one can say that when someone dies they are in Heaven.  

Only God knows that.  

You may think that that good person is in Heaven, but you may be wrong.

The Final Judgement takes place at the end of the world when God will divide the sheep from the goats.

Our Particular Judgement takes place the moment we die but there is the General Judgement for all at the end of time.

When resurrected we will have new bodies.

Peter and the rest of the Apostles are souls in Heaven. 

They have to wait until the end of the world before they have their resurrected bodies.  

Catholics believe that Mary has her resurrected body because she was assumed body and soul into Heaven.

Unique Sartorial Style

 

I find that one way to go around incognito and also not to be disturbed by people on the bus, in the library or generally in the street is by wearing scruffy clothes. I have an old hat I use when gardening. So I put that on. Also an old T shirt and a pair of jeans with large holes at the knees. Fashionable these days, I am told. I also put on an old coat with a tear in one pocket and stains from working on the car or painting the garden fence and gate.

I am told I look like a sex symbol for the woman who doesn't care.

But at least it keeps people away. No one sits next to me on the bus, or in the library when I'm reading the business papers, and on the streets people usually cross the road to the other side to avoid me.

I am also not recognised, which is good. Although one day someone actually had the temerity to stop me despite my disguise aimed at dissuading anyone from approaching me. 

He asked me if I am Alphonse Goodbetter, whoever he is. I said I wasn't. He asked, "are you sure?"

His wife then said that Alphonse Goodbetter is dead. The man insisted that he wasn't because here I am in the flesh, Alphonse Goodbetter the circus fire eater. 

They got into an argument as to whether I was Alphonse the fire eater and sword swallower. Eventually they did not know what to believe and they asked me, "What do you think? Are you Alphonse or not? He had long hair like yours only longer. Blond hair and a little singed at the edges."

I replied that I was off to the circus to put my head into a lion's mouth, and I walked away.

On another occasion I was outside the bank trying to get some money from the ATM machine. A bank clerk saw me from a window and grew suspicious of my attire. Two security guys came out and asked me, politely but forcibly, to follow them into the bank.  

Once inside I was asked whether this was my Debit Card I was using to get money from the ATM. I said it was. They asked me my name. It tallied with the card. They were not convinced so they asked if I had any ID cards or anything with my photo on it, like a driving licence. I didn't.

They asked me to prove I was who I said I was. I said that if they gave me a mirror that would prove I was who I am by just looking at it. They were not amused.

There was no way to prove I was who I really am. Without any documents or anyone to vouch for me I could have been anybody. At least I knew I was not Alphonse Goodbetter because he is apparently dead. Or is he?

A manager then tapped a few things on the computer and asked me to name my employer who credits my salary into my account. I got that one right. He asked me for any out-going payments like electricity, water and so on. I named most regular monthly payments I could remember that I make from my account. That convinced him.

He looked at me up and down once or twice and said, "We have to check for security reasons, Sir!"

You'll note he called me "Sir". Up to that point I was addressed as if I was a tramp, or beggar as befits my clothing.

As I left the bank I ran into my boss. He recognised me. He looked me up and down suspiciously and said nothing.

I smiled and said I was going to a fancy-dress party.

He said, "What? In the middle of the day?" and walked away.

When I got home the priest and a couple of nuns were there collecting for the homeless shelter in town. 

After they left, my wife gave me the silent treatment all day. Obviously she is not a woman who doesn't care!

Meet My Marketing Manager

I have a new Marketing Manager and Public Relations Adviser. His name is Bonzo Bookcase. You can see his photo above.

We met today to discuss ways of promoting my books and how to get help from my loyal readers to pass the word around about my books and recommend them to other potential readers.

The conversation went something like this:

Marketing Manager: You must stop monkeying around Vic and take this question of book promotions seriously.

I didn't pay much attention as I was eating some monkey nuts he had in a bowl at the time. He threw a banana at me to get my attention and asked: How many books have you got published so far?

Me: Forty - and a cartoon one available to download FREE from my website (HERE).

He stopped and scratched his armpit for a while and then said: Forty? You have a lot to say for yourself. Are they all available on-line as well as in the shops?

Me: Yes, some are available in paperback and Kindle format, whilst others are available in Kindle format only. I have a website which shows my Christian books and my Funny books too.

Marketing Manager: Funny books?

Me: Yes, they attract new readers who may then hopefully read my Christian books too. My website has an option called "more" at the top of the screen where people can choose the style of book they want to read (HERE).

Marketing Manager: Good ... have you had any feedback from your readers. And I don't mean have they sent you bananas and peanuts!

Me: Yes, some have e-mailed me saying they liked the books, others have left Reviews on the AMAZON website.

Marketing Manager: Why don't you encourage them to write more Reviews on Amazon for you?

Me: How? Anyway, I don't want to impose.

Marketing Manager: You're not imposing you ape! If your readers genuinely like what you write they'll be happy to spread the word for you in AMAZON Reviews or by word of mouth even.

Ask them ... beg them ... to tell others about your books. If they are as nice as you say they are, they  will oblige.

Me: Sounds a good idea! I just don't want to bother my readers.

Marketing Manager: Your books are not expensively priced ... why is that?

Me: The intention is not to make money. The price of the books is based on production costs and postage. The royalties I get are very low ...

Marketing Manager: No wonder you pay me peanuts then? WAIT A MINUTE !!! Are you mad Mister? It says HERE that you are giving some of your books for FREE. For FREEEE!!!!

Me: Well ... my intention is that people would like what I write and then get to read my Christian books and ...

Marketing Manager: Giving away books for free! Well that's an excellent business model that is. Are you trying to make a monkey out of me?

Me: well ... I thought ...

Marketing Manager: That's the problem with you ... you thought ... well, stop thinking and leave the planning to me.  People these days want to know the person behind the author. Who are you? What kind of person are you? They like to get to know you ... and a heart-rending story helps ... it makes them like you more.

Tell them a sad story about you to make them feel sorry for you and buy your books. I can arrange to have you run over by an elephant for example through a friend of mine at the zoo. Or get a bear to bite your backside ... or a lion to maul you over ...

NOTE: At this point I decided to run out of Bonzo's office without signing a Contract with him. Any ideas or advice as to promoting my books gladly appreciated.