Wednesday 30 November 2022

You Are A Star

Imagine they made a movie of your life. A very successful film about you. A film with many awards nominations and many Oscars and other trophies.

What sort of film will it be?

An adventure story about all your travels and the people you met and the things you did?

Or a great romance and a story of love winning despite all adversity and difficulties and prejudice?

Perhaps your life has been one of courage struggling against illness, or poverty or some other obstacle that life throws in our way sometimes.

A comedy maybe? It perhaps fits your character and the way you go through life. Or the other extreme, a horror movie ... and so on ... and so on ...

What movie would characterise your life? Is it perhaps a mixture of all these styles ?

Now imagine you are at the cinema for the première showing of this film made to honour you and your life and contribution to society and this world.

Everyone who is everyone is there. Famous people, family and friends, and cinema and TV critics from all over the world.

Also, sitting next to you watching the film is Jesus.

What would He think of your film? Of your life?

Let's think about that for a few moments ... ... ... 

But wait ... the film is not over yet. Do you realise that right now, this very moment, you have a great opportunity to make sure that your film ... your life ... will have a happy ending.

Then Jesus, sitting beside you, will turn to you and with a smile say, "Thank you!"

Tuesday 29 November 2022

More Facts

 

Every so often I like to share with you some interesting facts that you might enjoy or even use in conversation at parties and such gatherings.

Did you know, for instance, that lightning doesn't always strike downwards? Sometimes the lightning, (which is an electric charge), bounces up and meets with another power surge coming down from the clouds.

Whenever there is thunder and lightning and it's very very frightening you should cover all your cutlery. Open the cutlery drawer and cover it with a cloth or napkin. This is because metal attracts lightening which will enter your house searching for the cutlery.

Also, switch off the TV and unplug the aerial because the aerial outside the house will act as a conductor and bring the lightening into your house.

This applies also for people who have metal piercings. Like piercings in their ears, on their face and on their bodies. The metal piercings will attract lightning towards them. I knew a woman who had a metal stud pierced on her tongue. She was out in a storm licking and ice cream. The lightning came down and burned her on the tongue and the ambulance people had to put an Elastoplast adhesive plaster on her tongue for a week until it got better. The ambulance people said she was lucky she was not using a metal spoon to eat her ice cream at the time.

Something similar happened to me years ago in Paris. It was rain, not thunder and lightning. I was eating outdoors in a restaurant with tables on the side-walk as they do in Europe. It started raining and it took me ages to finish my soup.

And now something else. Beavers.

You know the ones? They build dams across rivers. Contrary to popular beliefs beavers do not eat fish but they are vegetarians. They eat plants and wood from trees. Remember that should you ever invite a beaver to dinner. He will eat your table and leave your lovely cooking.

And another thing. If you make tea using tea bags, never ever throw a hot tea bag in the trash bin or else it will start a fire. Take it out of the cup or teapot and let it cool first.

Also, be careful what you mumble under your breath or say when driving with your GPS satellite navigation system on. I got really angry with my car navigation today. I even yelled at it to go to hell. Twenty minutes later, it brought me in front of my mother-in-law’s house.

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper, is a good example.

A key-chain is a device which enables you to lose all your keys at once.

And did you know that the Internet never forgets? The Internet must be a woman.

Finally, some guy knocked on my door today and said, “I’ve got a parcel for your next-door neighbour.”

I said, “You’ve got the wrong house then, mate.”


Monday 28 November 2022

Sur le Pont d'Avignon

 

Sur le Pont d'Avignon
L'on y danse, l'on y danse

Meaning: On the Avignon bridge people dance.

There I was on the bridge dancing, as it were, when I got too near to the balustrade and fell over into the river.

Now I hasten to add that it may or may not have been the actual bridge of which this song refers. Suffice it to say that I was dancing on a bridge and fell into the river.

Normally, as I fell, my whole life would have flashed in front of me. But this did not happen on this occasion because the fall from the bridge into the water below lasted three or four seconds at the most. Too short a time for one's life to flash in front of one's eyes. 

My first thoughts as I plunged into the cold and dark water below were my mortal fear of being attacked by a shark. Once again, I hasten to add, that at that particular time, I did not know whether the river in Avignon does contain sharks or not. When I panic, I panic big time and I had no means of checking.

I started shouting, "HELP ... HELP ... HEEEELP !!!"

Almost immediately, ten minutes later, three locals appeared on the bridge. One of them said to the two others, "Wot eez zees ELP E eez ze speaking about?"

I did not know whether it was a French or German accent. Or it could have been any other accent. When you're drowning all accents sound the same.

I searched my pocket for the English to French dictionary but it was all wet and of no use. At that point one of the three locals pulled out of his pocket a French to English dictionary and said, "Allo Monsieur ... c'est interdit ... not allowed ... four bitten for you to do zee swimming in ze ri ... ver!"

"I am not doing ze swimming," I said imitating his accent, "I am being afraid of ze shark!"

Have you noticed that when you speak to foreigners you tend to imitate their accent almost without intention. It's as if we subconsciously feel that by imitating their accent they will understand us better.

So I told him in English French that I was terrified of sharks.

"Wot eez eet ze shark?" replied the local after a few minutes having consulted his dictionary.

"Eet eez a biiig fish!" I shouted back in a French accent whilst trying to remain afloat.

"Oh non Monsieur," he replied, "eet eez also ze four bitten to do zee fishing wizout zee licence ... you 'ave zee licence, Monsieur?"

I did not reply because at that point I went under the water for a few seconds. All three of them jumped in and fished me out. I don't know whether they had a licence for this or not.

"You are sa ... ved!" said one of them, "sa ... ved from zee ri ... ver in Avignon!"

I thanked them by saying "merci" several times and one of them offered me his coat to keep me warm.

"Bienvenu to Avignon," said one of them welcoming me to his town.

The other then said, "Good you not do zee fall in zee ri ... ver in Paris. Zis would bee insane!"

Sunday 27 November 2022

Thank you Jesus

 



Jesus, I want to take the time right now, 
To tell you how much I thank you
 With this song I bring to you the praise that's due 
For they come from you through your Spirit 
 
Thank you Jesus, oh thank you Jesus 
For the life you gave to me I thank you Jesus 
Thank you Jesus, oh thank you Jesus 
For the peace that's in my heart I thank you Jesus 
 
I can feel the Spirit dwelling inside of me 
Makes my blind heart see the truth from you 
And I can feel the joy you give now overflow 
And it lets me know that you care for me 
 
Thank you Jesus, oh thank you Jesus 
For the life you gave to me I thank you Jesus 
Thank you Jesus, oh thank you Jesus 
For the joy that fills my soul I thank you Jesus
 
Thank you Jesus, oh thank you Jesus 
For the life you gave to me I thank you Jesus 
Thank you Jesus, oh thank you Jesus 
For the joy that fills my soul I thank you Jesus

Saturday 26 November 2022

Thankfulness

 

Let's look in the mirror. What do you see? Do you see a happy face always smiling, laughing and joking? Or is it a miserable face often complaining, worried or concerned about what might happen?
 
When people meet you, are they happy to do so because you'll cheer them up; or do they dread being with you and sharing your problems and difficulties?
 
If we are honest, we all have a tendency to complain. Some more than others. Some justified some not always really so.
 
We seem to complain about so many things. The weather, that's a favourite in the UK. The cost of living, the Government, the environment and the planet, some family members, our health or so many other things.
 
When Moses got the Jews out of slavery in Egypt they did nothing but complain. Complain. Complain. Complain. They spent forty years going round in circles in the desert and wilderness of their souls rather than be thankful to God for having saved them from their enslavement. 
 
Perhaps we are like that sometimes. We are enslaved in our own mindset of negativity and pointless anxiety rather than be thankful for what we have already received and hopeful of more to come.
 
How do you think God feels about that? Our doubts, our worries, our concerns and anxieties? Do they betray a certain lack of trust in Him despite what He has done for us?
 
  In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
 

Friday 25 November 2022

Thank you Lord

 


Thank you for the flowers that grow in blossoms on the trees

Old familiar faces that I'm always glad to see

Comic strips and fish and chips and people who like me

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Thank you for all the creatures from the mouse to kangaroo

Lambs and spreading birds that fly across the skies so blue

If we took a closer look we'd learn a thing or two

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Gratitude is a simple debt that anyone can pay

Thank you is two little words that go a long long way

So however busy, help me find the time to say

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Thank you for the happy songs that bounce inside my ears

Something clicking something picking the songs I love to hear

Spinning tops and busy shops with Christmas drawing near

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Thank you for your only Son who hung upon the tree

Dying so that we might live for all eternity

It's not much in return but Lord for what you did for me

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

NOTE: I should be grateful for your help please. This song was played by me on my radio program many years ago. Unfortunately all I have is the tape of that program. I do not have the record and I do not know who the singer is, nor the lyrics. I listened to the tape several times and wrote out the lyrics above. Can anyone please help identify the singer or the song and when it was recorded?

Many thanx. God bless.

Thursday 24 November 2022

Happy Thanksgiving

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL OUR READERS
 
Give thanks in every circumstance, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
 1 Thessalonians 5:19
 
GOD BLESS

Wednesday 23 November 2022

Something to smile about

 


 

My massage therapist got fired. I guess she rubbed too many people the wrong way.

======================

I love to pamper my wife after she’s had a stressful day at work.

I get her to text me when she’s leaving so I can get the hot tap running, swirl around the foam and bubbles and time everything perfectly so that the moment she walks through the door… the dishes are piled up and waiting for her.

======================


I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.

======================

I said to the doctor, “Every time I eat birthday cake I get heartburn”. She told me to take the candles off first in future

======================

I was walking along the street yesterday when I slipped in some dog poo.

A minute later this big guy did the same thing. I said to him, “I just did that,” and he punched me in the face. 

======================


I’m allergic to bread but eat it anyway. I’m a gluten for punishment.

======================

Whoever said you can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop!

======================

My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.”

I was home in 5 minutes. I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.


======================

How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

======================

I get a sharp pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. The doctor told me to take the spoon out of the cup first.

======================

The party was very successful and everyone got rather drunk. One of the guests approaches the hostess and asks: "Do lemons have feathers?"

She says, "No".

He slurs, "In that case I squeezed the canary in my drink!"

======================

Don't worry if plan A fails. There are 25 more letters in the alphabet!

Tuesday 22 November 2022

Father Francis in Concert

 

FATHER FRANCIS MAPLE


 

Monday 21 November 2022

Small and Tiny

 

Commenting on Martha's Blog the other day I said that in the UK distances are much shorter because we are a small country. 

Let me explain. To me a distance of 50 miles can be a long journey. Why, I even find going down the road to the small shop a long journey. Everything in this small village where I live is small. It's not like in London or Edinburgh or other cities. Over here in my corner of the world everything is small and everything, by comparison, is far away. I look out of my small window out to the fields across the road and I see small cows grazing. Either that, or they're too far away. Or perhaps these cows are the ornaments my wife bought from the small ornaments shop. As I said, the shop is small because everything here is small and close to each other. 

Cars are small in our village too. This is because the other villages are so close to us that if you had a big car the front would be in one village and the back in another. No need to drive. Just get in the car at the front and get out of the back seat and you've arrived.

Our houses here are so small that there is no room to swing a cat. We have to do it outdoors. Our church is so small that the church mice are hunchbacked. 

If some ladies in our village were to have breasts enlargement or, as in some modern fashionable cases, a derrière enlargement surgery, then they would have to build an extension to their house in order to fit in. I know a large woman who visited us last week and her large breasts arrived in our home half an hour before her.

In our village if you are a large person in a tiny house then you need to have two people sitting on the same chair because of lack of space.

I went to a local concert the other day. The theatre was so small we were all crammed on top of each other. If the woman in front of me did not have pierced ears I would not have been able to see the orchestra. The conductor was told to stop waving his stick or else he'd take the musicians' eye out.

There was no space in that theatre to fit in a whole concert. The music was mostly unfinished symphonies because all the notes from the musical instruments were bumping into each other like on a pinball machine.

Our house is so small that when I went to the kitchen to get the meal from the oven the neighbour had his hand through the wall and was helping himself to a KFC leg. 

I found two mole hills in our garden. We now call them a mountain range. It rained all day. I stepped in a puddle and nearly drowned. 

Even everything we do over here must be small. I sneezed yesterday and blew the windows out. 

All I can say is ... small is beautiful. My wife is not convinced.

Saturday 19 November 2022

A Daily Walk With Christ

 
A DAILY WALK WITH CHRIST contains favourite short stories that have appeared here as well as new ones featuring Father Ignatius. 
 
Available in both paperback and KINDLE formats. This book would make the perfect Thanksgiving or  Christmas present for yourself or for a family member or friend.
 
Reasonably priced to keep costs down as well as Royalties. Available from AMAZON USA UK and other countries worldwide.
 
Paperback $4.99 from HERE
 
KINDLE $3.09 from HERE
  

Friday 18 November 2022

The squirrel lady

 

A few days ago I visited my Australian friend Matilda. You remember her? An elderly lady living on a farm with all sorts of animals like cows, pigs, chickens and ... even a kangaroo; or a wallaby as she pointed out at the time I was there.

This time I was very careful not to help her feed the pigs. I remember falling flat on my face in the mud.

It was a pleasant evening catching up on old times and I stayed the night there ready to travel back on business the next day. It's more convenient staying at Matilda's rather than go in a hotel, especially since her farm is so close to the motorway and out of town.

As I got ready for bed, I noticed there was a large cage in the corner of the room. The sort of cage you would use for a medium sized dog when travelling in a car. It was empty. 

I got into bed and there was a knock on the door. "Are you decent?" asked Matilda

I'm always decent, and I asked her to come in. She entered with a squirrel in her hand. "I hope you don't mind sharing the room with Superman," she said as she placed him in the cage.

"Superman?" I asked.

"Yes, the poor fella injured himself," she said in her Australian accent, "he had a wife and is now all alone the little mite!"

"A wife?" I asked again.

"Yes," she said, "I used to see him with his wife in the woods at the back, both of them playing together. But lately he's been alone and has injured his leg. I let him stay the night indoors until he gets better,  and let him go in the morning."

"What happened to his ... wife?" I hesitated.

"How should I know, cobber? Maybe they divorced, or separated or perhaps she's dead. What kind of stupid question is that?"

I decided to say nothing. She's the one who mentioned a wife and I'm the stupid one.

"I normally let him loose in this room," she said, "he likes to hide under the covers. But seeing you're here tonight I thought you wouldn't want him in bed with you searching for nuts!" 

"So that's what those acorns were doing under the sheets?" I asked.

"Yes, I put them there in case he wants a snack at night. But tonight he'll be in this cage, and you'll be safe!" she said as she left the room.

I must admit I was nervous all night. I did get some sleep, but every so often I could hear Superman rattling in his cage. Perhaps he was trying to get out. Who knows!

Thursday 17 November 2022

On the couch - Part 3

 

On yesterday's post, Mariette asked to hear the opinion of the little dog in the painting of Venus by Titian. So, to spare no expense, we have brought the dog for you and asked for a statement. He said, "I am not allowed on the couch; but I am on the roller skates, not the couch!"

And that, my friends, is modern logic.

Oh ... and another thing. On yesterday's post comments were made about body hair on the nude Venus. Did you know that Titian painted this painting several times? 

SEE HERE

Wednesday 16 November 2022

On the couch - Part 2

 

 Venus and Organist and Little Dog (Titian - 1550)

Imagine a scene at a psychiatrist's practice:

Madam ... what are you doing? When I said lie on the couch I did not expect you to take all your clothes off. And ... and ... you've left the window open. What will the neighbours say?
 
Oh lighten up ... how was I to know what you meant?
 
And what is this dog doing here? It is so unhygienic. You've turned my medical practice into a menagerie. And what on earth is this man doing playing with his organ? I must insist ...
 
Don't be so Freudian with me doctor. Or is it Jung or Yang or whatever. Just lighten up as I said. It's not as if I am posing for a famous painting am I?
 
Yes,  she was
 
And here's the video to prove it.
Watch till the end.

 

Tuesday 15 November 2022

On the couch

 

Thank you for seeing me so quick doctor. My real doctor said I needed to see a psychiatrist.

You real doctor hein? OK ... lie on the couch and tell me what's wrong with you.

I feel run down.

Don't worry about that; I'm sure the police will catch the driver who did it. How do you feel at this very moment?

Well, if I knew how to spell it I would say I was lethargic.

Lethargic? You mean you feel tired?

Sluggish is perhaps the mot juste to use. One has to be precise in one's conversation. It gives it that certain je ne sais quoi!

Somewhat pretentious are we?

Not pretentious, but perhaps a little tentious. Everything seems to feel so burdensome these days and so depressing.

Do you sleep well at night?

In between my wife snoring and talking in her sleep.

I see ... what does she say? 

I don't know. She speaks in French and I don't know French.

C'est la vie, I suppose. You say you don't feel well, tell me ... what are the symptoms?

They are little yellow people on TV. There's Homer and his wife Marge and the children Bart and Lisa and ...

OK ... I understand ... now then this is a little bit personal, when you're in bed with your wife ... how is your libido?

Oh I sold that Italian car. I now drive a Toyota instead.

OK ... let's try something else. Tell me about your dreams ... when you manage to sleep that is with your wife snoring ...

OH ... it is only one recurring dream doctor. I keep dreaming about the football games. The elephants versus the giraffes in the jungle. Every night the same dream. Sometimes the elephants win and sometimes the giraffes. 

Well, that should not be a problem. Take one of these pills tonight and the dreams will be gone.

Not tonight doctor ... it's the finals.

I see ... now tell me something else. Do you have any irrational fears?

I was afraid you were going to ask me that!

Why is that?

Because I am afraid of psychiatrists. They ask all sort of questions. Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist needs to have his head examined. I'm so fearful of psychiatrists that I went to a hypnotist to cure me of my fear of psychiatrists.

What happened then?

He put me to sleep and when I woke up there was a psychiatrist in bed with me.

And did that cure you?

No ... I fell off the bed and broke my wrist. 

Well, we've run out of time. I diagnose you are a little hypochondriac, a bit pretentious, with tendencies to being ostentatious as well as preposterous. 

What does all that mean?

It means you have to buy a copy of the Oxford English Dictionary.

Monday 14 November 2022

I need to cheer up

 


An Eskimo brings his friend to his home for a visit. When they arrive, his friend asks, puzzled – “So where’s your igloo?”
“Oh no, I must’ve left the iron on…”

======================

A new boss is appointed in an office, and he has a really fierce reputation.
He’s walking through the office for the first time when he spots a guy just leaning against a doorframe, doing nothing just staring in mid-distance.
The boss decides to show everybody how things are going to be from now on. He approaches the guy and asks him sternly, “What is your monthly salary?”
“£1200,” replies the man, a bit surprised.
The boss whips out his wallet, thrusts £600 at the guy and yells, “There’s your two weeks’ pay, now get out of here and never show your face again!”
The guy takes the money and leaves. The boss, feeling good he’s shown everybody how idle hands are dealt with, asks, “So what was that lazy jerk doing in this place?”

A clerk shrugs, “He just delivered our pizza.”

=====================

When I look at chocolate, I hear two voices in my head…… The first one says: “You need to eat that chocolate.” The other voice goes: “You heard. Eat the chocolate.”

=====================

My friend talked me into lending her money for plastic surgery. I’ve been trying to get it back for months. Unfortunately, I have no idea what she looks like these days.

=====================

I saw a poster today, somebody was asking “Have you seen my cat?” So I called the number and said that I didn’t. - I like to help where I can.

=====================

I’m dating this wonderful girl and she has a twin. People often ask me how I can tell them apart – but it’s easy, really. Jane likes to paint her fingernails and Pete has a beard.

=====================

How can they call it "Alcoholics Anonymous" when the first thing you do is you stand up and say,
‘My name is John and I am an alcoholic’?

=====================

My friend went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his food all over the wall. I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.

=====================

Police officer: “Sir, I don’t understand. You lost the credit card a year ago, why are you reporting it now?”
Guy: “The thief wasn’t spending nearly as much as my wife used to…”
Police officer: “But why report it now?”
Guy: “I think the thief’s wife got hold of it now.”

=====================

We had a first date. When I brought her to her door, she suggested, “Do you want to come up for a cup of coffee?”
I said I don't really like coffee. She winked at me and said that it’s OK because she doesn’t have any coffee anyway.
I just left. I hate it when people are this illogical.

=====================

Not every badly unkempt guy is homeless. It could well be that he lives with 4 females and only 1 bathroom.

=====================

Little Johnny asks his father: "Where does the wind come from?"
"I don't know."
"Why do dogs bark?"
"I don't know."
"Why is the earth round?"
"I don't know."
"Does it disturb you that I ask so much?"
"No son. Please ask. Otherwise you will never learn anything."

Sunday 13 November 2022

Gone Missing

Father Ignatius was a kind and gentle priest, slow to anger and always jovial; and he always put his parishioners first. That’s why most of them thought nothing of approaching him first when they had a problem, no matter the time of day or night.

Early one morning, before he’d even had time to have breakfast and prepare for morning Mass, the phone rang.

“Father Ignatius … have you seen our Rosemary?” cried a frantic Mrs Butterworth.

“Eh … No … I haven’t seen her … not for a few days or so …” replied the confused priest.

“Father …” continued the voice at the other end holding back the obvious tears “we went to wake her up for school and she was not there. Her bed hasn’t been slept in … Jack is out looking for her … we don’t know where to look … we phoned her friends …”

“One moment Sally …” interrupted the priest who called most of his parishioners by their first name, except the snooty ones of course! “One moment … are you saying she left home last night?”

“We think so …” continued the distraught mother sobbing her heart out on the phone.

Father Ignatius managed to calm her down a little and promised to be there immediately after morning Mass. And yet another of his days had been disrupted from the beginning regardless of whatever plans and arrangements he had made.

An hour or so later he was at the Butterworth’s. The parents were totally heart-broken and in a state of panic. They did not know where their daughter was and whether they’d see her again. Had she left town, had she been abducted, is she safe, is she alive … the questions followed each other each one depicting its own horrific ending to a terrible situation.

When the priest managed to calm them down the couple explained that they had an argument with their fifteen-year old the previous night and her father had told her to go to her room. That’s the last they had seen of her and this morning they discovered that her room had not been slept in and she was no where to be seen.

The priest shared their agony deeply but he felt that he had to remain focused and clear-headed if he were to be of any help.

“Have you contacted the police?” he asked.

“No … we contacted all her friends, our neighbours, and the school … but not the police. Well … we didn’t know whether she’ll just turn up as if nothing happened … we didn’t want to bother them …”

The priest looked at his watch and decided that it was perhaps time to contact the authorities, assuming that is that she’s been missing since the previous night. He stayed with the anguished parents to give them moral support whilst the police asked them several questions and took a lot of details.

By late morning Father Ignatius decided to leave the Butterworths but promised to keep in phone contact every so often in case there was some news. Throughout the day he kept his promise with several phone calls and numerous prayers that the young girl might be found safely. But his every call found them more and more in despair as time passed and no news was heard of their missing daughter.

At about ten o’clock that evening, as he drove back to the church the car headlights caught a dark figure by the garage door. At first he thought it was an intruder, then he thought it was perhaps a homeless person sheltering there waiting for his return to beg for some food; an event which happened quite frequently in this poor and desolate town.

He approached the garage door slowly and to his surprise he recognized the young girl.

“Rosemary … what are you doing here?” he said gently, “your parents are worried sick about you …”

“Please don’t tell them I’m here … I can’t face them just now …” she pleaded.

“You look cold … Come in …”

He let her in and sat her by the fire, then proceeded to the kitchen to prepare her something to eat and a hot drink.

She had calmed down a little by the time he returned with a tray of food.

“Where have you been all this time Rosemary?” he asked calmly.

“I spent last night hiding in alley ways … I was frightened but I did not want to go back home … ever …

“This morning I went to the homeless shelter … no body knows me there … I told them I wanted to volunteer to help and they let me … then I thought I’d come here …” she sobbed.

“I’m glad you did … your parents said you had an argument last night … is that why you left?”

Despite her obvious distress and in between tears she managed slowly to tell him what had caused her to run away.

Quite by accident, she had discovered that she was not the natural daughter of the Butterworths. It seems that she was born in another town and was adopted there as a baby before they moved here to start a new life. They had told no one of the adoption and kept it a secret all these years until yesterday when she overheard her parents talking in the kitchen.

Father Ignatius listened calmly throughout and silently prayed for this family torn apart by love.

“Tell me Rosemary …” he asked when she finished talking, “all the time you grew up with your parents, did you at any time suspect that you were adopted?”

“No … how could I?”

“And you see my child …” he continued soothingly, “that’s precisely the point I’m trying to make. You never suspected anything. And that’s because your parents brought you up as if you were their very own … which in a lot of ways you are … they loved you as if you were their own flesh and blood.

“They loved you so much that they did all they could to give you a good and happy life.

“Your loving mother has devoted her life to you. I know for a fact that she loves you very much … how she used to worry when as a toddler you were often sick …

“I remember a few years ago when your father lost his job, he was totally out of his mind as to how he’d be able to provide for you and your mother … in some ways he reminds me of St Joseph. He adopted the baby Jesus as his own son and provided for Him as He grew up …

“I was with your parents this morning, and they were out of their minds with worry. I’ve never seen them so distraught … they didn’t know what to think … where you were … whether you were alive or …

“Anyway … I believe you know, deep inside, that your parents love you very much. I think they meant to tell you the truth some day … but I suppose they never knew when is the right time to tell you. They were probably just as scared of telling you as you are now that you have found out the truth … Shall we go and see them do you think?”

Eventually, after she could cry no longer, he drove her to her parents and witnessed the most loving reunion since the prodigal son returned to his father.

Saturday 12 November 2022

Lost

 

Father Ignatius was at the pulpit reading from the Bible:

“Jesus said to them, ‘I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me will never hunger, and whoever believes in me will never thirst. But I told you that although you have seen me, you do not believe. Everything that the Father gives me will come to me, and I will not reject anyone who comes to me, because I came down from Heaven not to do my own will but the will of the one who sent me. And this is the will of the one who sent me, that I should not lose anything of what He gave me, but that I should raise it on the last day. For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in Him may have eternal life and I shall raise him on the last day.’ ”

The priest waited until the congregation sat down and then said:

“There’s an important message here from John’s Gospel at Chapter 6 verses 37 onwards.

“Jesus says that the will of God is that He, Jesus, should not lose anything, or anyone, that was given to Him. What does this mean? Are we all destined for Heaven and none of us should be lost?

“Let me tell you something which happened to me lately.

“Monsignor Thomas at Bishop’s House celebrated his 30th Anniversary as a priest recently. The Bishop held a party which I attended and I bought the Monsignor a lovely antique clock as a gift.

“Unfortunately, by the time I got home the clock stopped working. I took it to a shop and they agreed to fix it for £20.

“A few days later when I got back for the clock I was told it was lost. It was not anywhere to be found. The shop attendant explained that the clock had indeed been fixed yet somehow it got lost during refurbishment of the premises. He offered me compensation which I reluctantly accepted; but it was a small recompense for the lost valuable antique.”

The priest stopped for a while as he usually did during his sermons; then he continued.

“A few days later I received a letter saying the clock was ready for collection. You can imagine my delight at finding this precious antique once again.

“I of course offered to return the money the shop gave me as compensation but the attendant refused to accept it. He said it was Company policy never to lose an item. The clock was never lost; he told me emphatically, it was just temporarily misplaced.

“Not lost; but temporarily misplaced.

“And since the clock was never lost the shop attendant could not take back any money paid in compensation. It was mine to keep and use as a donation from the shop.”

The priest stopped again for a while.

“This set me thinking dear friends ...” he continued.

“God created us body and soul. We know that the body eventually turns to dust yet the soul lives on.

“It is given to each one of us for safe-keeping so that we may return it to God as He intended and as Jesus said.

“But through our sins we manage to lose it time and again. A lost soul destined for another destination than the one intended ... all because of our sin.

“God, in all His love and mercy sent Jesus to pay the price of restoring our soul. He has made us whole again. And the price was not a mere £20 which I paid to repair the clock. Jesus paid the price with His own life when He was so cruelly and horribly nailed to the Cross.

“That is a high price indeed my friends.

“The Son of God paid the price for our soul to be restored once again; just like that clock of mine.

“And it is our job ... our duty and our great responsibility not to lose or misplace our soul ever again.

“Whether it is temporarily misplaced in Purgatory or forever misplaced in hell ... this is something which each one of us will have to account for to God when it is our turn to meet Him face to face.

“What have you done with the soul I gave you for safe-keeping? He will ask us.

“I hope we’ll be ready to say ‘Here I am Lord, it is I returning to you. Not lost, nor misplaced.’ ”