Sunday 14 July 2024

Why did Jesus have to die?

Why did Jesus have to die in order for our sins to be forgiven?

I have attempted an answer HERE.
 

Saturday 13 July 2024

Have you brought anyone to Jesus?

 

He first found his brother Simon and told him, “We have found the Messiah” (which is translated as Christ). Andrew brought him to Jesus, who looked at him and said, “You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas” (which is translated as Peter). John 1:42

Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” John 6:8

Now there were some Greeks among those who went up to worship at the festival. They came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, (same town as Andrew and Peter), with a request. “Sir,” they said, “we would like to see Jesus.”  Philip went to tell Andrew; Andrew and Philip in turn told Jesus. John 12:20

These are three instances recorded where Andrew brings people to Jesus. Look at the results:

Peter became the most important and influential of the disciples, having started the Church of Christ on earth.

As a result of finding the boy with loaves and fishes, Jesus fed the 5,000 and no doubt many came to believe and follow Christ.

Philip came to Andrew for advice and Andrew approached Jesus regarding the Greeks wanting to meet Jesus. Philip also in turn introduced Nathaniel to Jesus.

In those three passages we see Andrew as the one introducing people to Jesus. There are other instances of people bringing people to Christ. John the Baptist for instance started as a voice crying in the wilderness proclaiming the arrival of the Messiah.

But how about you? Have you introduced anyone to Jesus? What an honour if you have.

Knowingly, or unknowingly perhaps, you may have been instrumental in bringing someone to Jesus. If you write a Blog for instance, you never know who visits you without leaving a comment, and something you say there about what Jesus has done to you in your life may well be the trigger, the starting point, for someone to start searching more and experiencing God's love in their lives.

We all have a responsibility to spread the Good News wherever we can. We don't have to be pastors, preachers, or learned in religion to do so. Just by being ourselves, and saying plainly what and why we believe is a first step to a life-changing decision for someone else into eternity.

Friday 12 July 2024

When things go wrong


 

Thursday 11 July 2024

It's hot in this heat

 

It has been very hot in the UK lately as I am sure it is elsewhere. Some days it was over 40 Degrees C in the shade. I was clever though and did not stay in the shade.

The weather forecast woman on TV said it's been the hottest day "since records began".

This set me thinking ... when did records begin?

Apparently a long long time ago a man wrote down on a piece of paper, "Phew ... it's hot today. Records have begun."

The next day, he wrote on another piece of paper "Wowie and double phew ... it's been even hotter today. It's been the hottest day since records began yesterday."

This went on for some time with the man writing every day how hot, cool or cold it was.

Then, years later, another man called Thermo, invented the thermometer and proper records really began. 

Anyway, as I was saying, it was so hot today that the birds were using a jackhammer to dig worms from the ground. 

The chickens in our back yard were laying fried eggs this morning.

I decided to go to the beach to cool off. The fish in the sea were already parboiled. 

On the way there I noticed a couple of parched trees fighting over a dog.

Have you noticed that when wearing a bikini, women reveal 94% of their body? I was too polite and only looked at the covered parts.

Which raises another point: Is it OK for Christian women to wear bikinis? Or any swimsuits? How about men in tiny shorts and swimming trunks? What is the acceptable attire on the beach for a Christian? (I wear a three-piece pin-striped suit and a bowler hat).

How about nudist beaches? Can a Christian be a naturist? (I shower at home fully clothed).

How are you coping in the hot weather where you are?

Wednesday 10 July 2024

Unhappy Feet

 

The most frightening thing happened to me the other day. I was lying on my bed when suddenly one of my feet started to talk.

At first, I was afraid ... I was petrified ... Then they both started singing "I will survive."

Then my left foot said, "It is all right you lying there doing nothing and we do all the work for you. 

"From the moment you get up in the morning we have to carry your heavy weight. Going up and down the stairs, walking down the street, or running for the bus. Even when you are driving the car, it is us who have to push on all the pedals whilst you sit there doing nothing."

I could not believe my ears. 

Then the right foot continued, "We spend all day in the dark not knowing what is happening out there. Held captive in your tight shoes until it hurts, and having to smell your smelly socks."

I didn't know what to say. I'd never thought that my feet felt so neglected and taken for granted. I wonder what other parts of my body I have been ignoring in a life time and not caring for them as much as I should.

Have you ever wondered about your body parts? Are you taking care of each one of them so they work in harmony with one another?

Which body parts do you think should talk to you, and what would they say?

THANK YOU FOR RECOMMENDING THIS BLOG


 

Tuesday 9 July 2024

To sleep, perchance to dream

 
Do you ever dream that you are high up somewhere and about to fall? It happens to me sometimes, especially after a few drinks before bedtime.

I have now found a remedy. I have fitted an old seat belt from a car to the bed and I tie myself in before going to sleep. The problem is when I get up in a hurry to go to the bathroom. I can never find the confounded release clip of the belt in time. I once rushed to the bathroom carrying the whole mattress and my wife with me.

Do you have your pet in bed with you? Some people says it relaxes them. I tried it once. I had my pet with me in bed and in the morning the bed was soaking wet and my goldfish had died.

I normally sleep with my glasses on so that I can see my dreams much clearer. How about you? Are your dreams in colour or black and white? Mine are techni-colour with stereo sound-surround.

The other day my wife hit me because of the way I behaved in her dream. I don't think that's fair, do you? She interrupted my exotic dream with ...

I used to count sheep when I could not sleep. Now I lay awake wondering about the price of lamb in the shops. Why is it so expensive?

I never know what time I go to sleep. I lay there in bed thinking and then suddenly I am asleep. Do you know precisely when you actually fall asleep?

And then you wake up. Usually you wake up in a different mood each day. Sometimes in the morning I wake up grumpy. At other times I leave her sleeping and get down and make breakfast.

I often bring her a cup of tea in the morning in my pyjamas. She's never grateful. She prefers it in a cup.

Some people like to sleep in their pyjamas. Others in their night-dress whilst others sleep in the nude; which can be hilarious if you wake up and see yourself in the mirror.

In England some people sleep naked but with their hat on. Just in case they meet someone in their dreams and they can take the hat off by way of salutation.

How about you? Do you sleep with your hat on?

One day some Angels were looking out of the window in Heaven and counting, "One ... two ... three, four ... five ... six ..."

Jesus came by and asked them, "What are you doing?"

They said, "We are counting how many people thank God as soon as they wake up for seeing them safely through the night!"


Monday 8 July 2024

How to get old

 


I went to visit my school teacher at a care home. He looked at me and said, "you're getting old!" I replied, "so are you!" In conversation we talked about old age, he said, "getting old is easy, just keep living!"

He then gave me some advice on how to get old. He said many people don't know how to get old. Here's what he said:

Learn not to care. What was important years ago is no longer that important today. Learn what is important enough to care about and don't waste time on trivia.

Try to enjoy what each day brings. Whatever your situation, your health, or your condition; there is always something to be thankful for. 

"Be adventurous," he said, "I wear my trousers pulled up all the way to the nipples and hold them up by braces and a wide belt pulled tightly round the chest. I'm told I'm a sex symbol for women who don't care."

Have fun when you can. There's nothing wrong with an extra scoop of ice cream, or a glass of wine. Life is for living not dieting. Have you ever known someone on a diet to be happy?

Indeed, as we get old our bodies respond accordingly. As best we can we should heed medical advice but not to be afraid to question if we are not sure of the advice given. 

As we get older, many people will offer advice, often unwarranted or asked for. Nod gently but you don't have to take the advice if unsure. 

Have fun ...

If like me, you're a Catholic, go to Confession and ask the priest, "Have you heard any good gossip lately?"

Put a stick of celery through someone's window and shout, "The Triffids have landed. The Triffids have landed!"

Or put a carrot on your shoulder and tell people you are a vegetarian pirate.

Or poor cream on your shoulder and tell them your parrot had diarrhoea.

How about you stick a cigarette in your ear and say you hear that smoking is bad for you. 

Or send the dog's urine instead of yours to the hospital for testing. That should confuse the doctors!

This old teacher of mine told me what he did at the care home. There's this nurse who drives him crazy with her patronising tone of voice: "How are we today? Are we ready for a bath? Are we hungry?" she would say.

To get back at her one morning he took some apple juice off the breakfast tray and hid it in his bedside stand. Later on that day he was asked by this same nurse to give a urine sample in a bottle. So he put the apple juice in the bottle instead. When she returned later to collect the bottle, the nurse looked at it and said: "My, my, it seems we are a little cloudy today!" 

So he took the bottle from her hand and gulped it down saying: "Well, I'll run it through the system again. Maybe I can filter it better this time!" 

The nurse nearly fainted at what she'd seen.

Other advice to help you grow old in a fun way include:

Take a dog lead with you for a walk. Stop by a tree and ask passers-by to help you get your dog down from the tree.

Take an old newspaper to the library and tell the assistant you have read it, can you change it for a new one.

Put a suppository in your ear and ask people to help you search for your hearing-aid.

Go to the supermarket and ask to buy one of those dividers they have on the conveyor belt check-out to separate customers shopping.

Go to the baker and ask him, "Have you got any bread rolls left?" If he says Yes tell him, "serves you right for baking so many!"

So there you have it. A lot of advice on how to enjoy your old age. Do this and I'll visit you in the care home or mental establishment when you get there. 

Seriously though: be thankful whatever age you are and trust in God to see you through every day onto eternity.

Sunday 7 July 2024

Are you good?

 

Look folks, this is a difficult question and I'd appreciate your considered views and opinions.

Are you good? Meaning, do you do good things, and live a good life, and do you consider yourself  a good person?

There are many Christians who are good and do good things; so what does God think of them?

I have known non-believers who are good and do good things. I knew a man who did not believe in God, but he was the kindest, gentlest, more generous and forgiving person you'd wish to meet. He is long gone now. Is he in Heaven? I would not like to say. It is not up to me or you who is in Heaven. 

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. (John 14:6)

I don't really know what this means. Perhaps you have your views and opinions.

I don't think it matters to God whether you are good or bad. I think it is more a question of: Do you reflect Christ in your life?

Are you Christ to someone every day of your life?

Christ cared for and loved the people He met and treated each one as an individual with respect, compassion, pity, mercy and forgiveness, as well as generosity in responding to their needs.

Are you Christ-like in your dealings with others?

Saturday 6 July 2024

Tall Tale of Romance

 

A ROMANTIC TALE OF UNREQUITED LOVE

She looked into his eyes lovingly and whispered, "sweep me off my feet, Walter, pick me up and lift me, take me upstairs!"

"All 150 steps?" said the lighthouse keeper.

When he eventually reached the top of the spiral staircase, he lowered her down to the floor and sat on a chair wheezing and coughing out of breath. 

As he recovered, she kissed him and said, "turn the lights out and hug me tonight!"

"But how about the ships?" said the lighthouse keeper, "they rely on the lights!"

She got angry with him and said, "Walter, our love is on the rocks!"

"That's inevitable," said the lighthouse keeper, "considering where we are."

And the moral of the story is:

DO NOT DATE A LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER

Please write your other suggestions in the comments box below.

Friday 5 July 2024

Advice Required

 

I need some advice from my readers, especially Tom and Bill.

Whilst on a river cruise holiday last year a man fell overboard. Should I have used my cell-phone camera to take a photo, or my Fujifilm Finepix camera which I had with me at the time?

Thursday 4 July 2024

4 July

 

HAPPY 4th OF JULY
GOD BLESS

Wednesday 3 July 2024

Doubting Thomas

 

I guess you all know the story. After the Resurrection, Jesus appeared to the Disciples whilst Thomas was not there. When he was told what happened, Thomas did not believe. A week later, whilst Thomas was there, Jesus appeared again.

You can read the whole story in John 20:19-31

Now let's consider this:

Jesus knows everything. He knew that the first time Thomas would not be there. But He chose to appear to the disciples all the same. He could have appeared at a time where Thomas and all the others were together; but He didn't.

This way we have the story of Thomas and his doubts. A story which has been recorded by John in the Gospel and another piece of evidence that Jesus did indeed rise from the dead.

Unwittingly, Thomas gave us all more evidence about the Resurrection.

We all doubt from time to time, we analyse and ask ourselves about our faith and what we truly believe.

God knows our human nature because He created us, and He forgives our doubts time and again.

There once was a man whose son was very ill, and he came to Jesus for help, ‘Help us if you can,’ he asked Jesus. Jesus replied, ‘Everything is possible if you have Faith,’ to which the man said ‘I do have Faith, but not enough, help me to have more.’

Jesus healed this man’s son. He saw that the man was struggling with his Faith, as we all do from time to time. So He helped him.

I believe Lord, help my unbelief.  Mark 9:24

Tuesday 2 July 2024

Peril in the water!

 

I saw this program on TV where they rescued about a dozen or so penguins, some of them babies, which had been caught in an oil slick. Probably oil poured in the sea by a passing tanker.

The poor creatures were covered with oil and would soon perish if not cleaned properly. It was a long and pains-taking job removing the sticky oil from their feathers and ensuring they do not digest it or it goes in their eyes. A team of helpers and vets got together and worked urgently round the clock to clean the birds before it was too late.

They then dried them carefully and put them in isolated cages where they fed them and monitored their progress 24/7. It took at least three or four weeks until they were sure the birds had recovered and there was no ill-effect as a result of their ordeal.

It was time to return them to their natural habitat. One evening, just before sunset at about five o'clock, they put them in a boat which set out to sea where they would be released. 

The boat stopped, and one by one the dozen penguins were lowered into the water. At first they floated together not daring to wander away. 

When the boat slowly moved off a shoal of sharks appeared and ate every last penguin!

MARK THIS STORY ON YOUR HUMOUR COUNTER
1 TO 5
1 = NOT FUNNY
5 = HILARIOUS

Monday 1 July 2024

Growing old in England

 


Growing Old in England

Someone asked the other day, ‘What was your favourite fast food when you were growing up?’

‘We didn’t have fast food when I was growing up,’ I informed him. ‘All the food was slow.’

‘C’mon, seriously. Where did you eat?’

‘It was a place called “at home,”‘ I explained. ‘Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn’t like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.’

He laughed at me. I explained that I had to have permission to leave the table.  But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood:

  • Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis, never set foot on a golf course, or had a credit card.
  • Pizzas were not delivered to our home … But milk was.
  • All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers.
  • We didn’t have a television in our house until I was 19. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem.
  • My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds and only had one speed, (slow).
  • I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line.
  • Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn’t know weren’t already using the line.
  • Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies.
  • There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity, violence, or anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren.  

Growing up isn’t what it used to be, is it?

Sunday 30 June 2024

Who are you?

 


When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, He asked His disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”

They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

“But what about you?” He asked. “Who do you say I am?”

Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Matthew 16:13-20

If I asked you, "Who are you?" you would probably give me your name. But that doesn't help, does it? You'd say "I am Victor, Tom, Dick or even Harry ..." what does that really mean? It is only a label we have put to a body to identify that body. It does not really say who you are.

You might add, "I am a doctor, lawyer, teacher," or whatever else. But that does not add anything does it? All it says is what your trade or job is. 

You might describe yourself as a spouse, parent, grandparent, son, daughter ... and that might add more information as to who you are. And the more questions we ask the more we get to know an individual as to who they are, as opposed to just a name or a trade.

The disciples could have said, "You're a teacher, a healer, a preacher, a wise man," and other adjectives to describe Jesus. They had been with him for some time and had seen Him teach and heal people. 

Peter was first to speak and declare, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” Then He ordered His disciples not to tell anyone that He was the Messiah. Matthew 16:13-20

Note specifically what Christ said, "this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven."

This was not Peter, a human, just talking. It was the Holy Spirit, through Peter, Who proclaimed who Jesus was.

At that point, God spoke, through Peter, to declare that Jesus is His Son.

It also happened when Jesus was baptised, the Holy Spirit appeared like a dove and a voice from Heaven said, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased!"

And at the Transfiguration, a voice was heard from the cloud and said, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. Listen to Him!"

Worth thinking about when someone ever asks you why you believe in Christ.


Saturday 29 June 2024

Get me there on time

 

When I have to go somewhere I like to get there early. Preferably 24 hours early or a week even.

Today I had to go from my city to another big city to meet a marketing executive who said she can increase my book sales. The journey consists of a taxi from home to the railway station, a train ride lasting more that an hour and another taxi ride to her office at the other end.

I was keen to create a good impression and get there on time. The night before I prepared all my business papers, records of book sales, and other documents and even got dressed and wore my best tie and slept standing up by the front door ready for the pre-booked taxi. I had phoned the executive's secretary and suggested I come early and spend the night with her; but she said it would not be ethical. That is, to spend the night with the executive and/or her secretary.

At the railway station I was annoyed whilst waiting for the train with all the advice on the loudspeakers and on the electronic boards. Advice like:

The weather is very hot today. Make sure you carry some water with you to avoid dehydration which can affect your health.

Also ensure that you wear a hat or other head covering, especially if you are light-haired (presumably meaning bald as a coot).

If you loose a shoe, do not walk with just one shoe as this may cause you to unbalance and fall; or it would wear out the sock in the shoe-less foot. To avoid this please ensure you have another pair of shoes with you.

Why can't they just bring the train along and let's get moving?

On the train I got even more irritated by a man talking loudly on his cell-phone. These things should be banned in open-spaces. This is the one-sided conversation.

Thank you for looking after Daisy for me. How is she?

Is she? Oh dear ... she does sometimes bark and growl ... she gets upset when I'm not there.  

Have you fed her? Give her another biscuit ... she's still growling?

Try singing to her ... yes, singing ... it often quietens her down ...

Try Presley songs ... You ain't nothin' but a hound dog, Cryin' all the time, You ain't nothin' but a hound dog, Cryin' all the time, Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine.

Is she still barking? Do it in a Presley voice. Yes, you can Mary. Just try ... Old Shep ... Daisy likes this one ...

I thought this idiot would go through Presley's whole repertoire just to annoy me. I had a good mind to give him a piece of my mind but I could ill afford it. Besides, he might well bite my leg.

I eventually did get to see the marketing executive on time. She asked me why are my books so generously priced? I explained that the intention was not to make money but just to cover printing costs. She thought I was an idiot. She did not say it but implied it by her demeanour. She suggested I encourage my readers to write positive reviews of my books on AMAZON.

Thursday 27 June 2024

Faith

 

In Hebrews Chapter 11 we read: To have Faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see.

Or as someone put it: To have Faith is to believe when your common sense tells you not to.

There are a lot of people who believe in God. They have Faith in Him and they have proved, to themselves at least, that He exists.

These people’s beliefs grow stronger all the time, even when they face great difficulties and tribulations in life. I’ve know people who are very ill, or have endured enormous problems, yet their Faith in God remains forever strong.

How do they do it? What makes their Faith so unyielding even through the most difficult of times? Is it a special gift from God? Or is it of their own doing?

Other people, however, although they have Faith in God, yet, when faced with a problem or a difficulty they doubt whether He will hear their cries for help. They pray that God may help them out of their particular difficulty; or that He might heal them, but still, somehow, they feel frightened. Scared that He may not answer. That somehow their illness will not be healed or their problem will not be resolved. Their doubts get the better of them.

Do these people feature less positively in God’s sight? Is He disappointed that their Faith is weak? Does He forgive their wavering and doubting?

People aren’t all the same. Some are stronger than others. Some have more Faith than weaker ones who waver.

These people have not denied God. They believe in Him, yet they are not so sure whether He will help them right now or not. They are, after all, human. With human frailties, fears and doubts.

God understands that. Whether He answers their prayers or not, He understands why they waver and He does forgive them.

In Mark 9:24 The father of the sick boy was honest enough to say to Jesus: I do have Faith, but not enough. Help me to have more.

Jesus took pity on him and healed his son.

So too will He have pity on those amongst us whose Faith wavers from time to time.

What's behind your front door?

I was reading about a recent research done by some scientists or other. It's amazing how many people are paid to carry out research which seems pointless and leading to nowhere.

In this research they asked people what do they have immediately behind the front door of their homes.

I can't see the point in that, can you? Why doesn't someone pay me to conduct some pointless research like how quickly can certain TV programs put one to sleep?

Anyway, this research discovered that 30% of people had a mirror by the front door so they can have a final look before they go out. 15% had a small table where they put car keys and other things. 32% had an umbrella container or a place to put walking sticks, 18% had a coat hanger, and so on.

Personally, I have none of these. I have behind the front door a big butterfly, or fish, net. You know the one? A large hoop fixed to a long stick with a long conical net pocket to land a fish when you have caught him with a hook and line.

I keep that net in case there's ever a butterfly or fish calling on me at the most inappropriate time; like when I'm getting ready for a shower. Or if ever an alien from outer-space calls, like a Martian for instance. I could capture him and become famous.

So far I've had no use of the butterfly net. But a while back I found a snail on my doorstep. To save him from being stepped on and killed I picked him up and threw him in the bushes. A week later the doorbell rang and he said, "What's the idea of throwing me in the bush?"

What's behind your front door?

Wednesday 26 June 2024

Door-To-Door


Did you know one of my first jobs when I was young was as a door-to-door salesman? I fancied myself as a good talker and took up the challenge to be a salesman able to sell just anything.

The marketing agency for which I worked linked me with a door manufacturer and my first job was a door-to-door salesman selling doors.

I had three doors strapped on my back to show potential clients the different qualities available; and I also carried two suitcases. One was full of locks and handles for clients to choose, and the other case was full of hinges of different sizes and materials.

I remember once I knocked at a door and a very tall man opened it and said: “Yes? What do you want?”

“Good morning Sir,” I said as I was trained by our chief salesman to say, “I am here to open doors to great opportunities!”

I know, it’s a corny opening line, but it was part of our slogan and it had to be said every time we met a new customer.

Anyway, I said my line to the astonished man standing there then as I stooped down to place the two suitcases I was carrying on the ground, I bent forward a little, and the doors on my back hit him hard on the forehead.

He had a small cut on his head and it started bleeding a little.

"Do you have any Band-Aid and bandage dressing?" I asked him.

"Do you need some too?" he replied holding a handkerchief to his head, "where did you hurt yourself?"

"Not for me ... for you ..." I said. "I’m a trained first-aider you know, as well as being a door salesman. Anyway ... it looks like your injury has stopped bleeding now, and I'm glad you didn't damage my doors."

He grunted and said nothing.

I then unstrapped the three doors off my back and proceeded to explain how well made they were. One was made of oak, another of mahogany, and the third was cheap plastic in case the clients couldn't afford the other two.

"It's the de-lux economy version ..." I said trying to encourage a sale.

He explained that he already had a front door which suited him quite nicely, thank you.

On another occasion I was selling in a very posh area of town. To be honest, I had no chance of selling a door there. The houses were so big and luxurious that I wouldn’t mind guessing that their front doors cost more than the house where I was living at the time. But I was assigned that area by the chief salesman and as an extra incentive he doubled the commission I would make if I sold any doors there.

I rang the bell at one of these luxurious houses and it was opened by a young woman totally naked.

“Yes?” she whispered softly standing there with a smile on her face.

For a moment or so I forgot our opening line, “I am here to open doors to great opportunities!”

I just mumbled, “Do you want a door?”

She smiled and said, “Not today, thank you!”

Before I could say anything more, the strap holding the doors to my back broke and the three doors I was carrying crashed to the ground with a big bang. A large dog inside the house began to bark ferociously. I left the doors there and ran away.

I phoned my chief salesman and he instructed me to retrieve the doors or else he would deduct the money from my pay.

I plucked up courage and returned to the house. My doors were no longer there. I summoned every ounce of courage and rang the bell again.

This time it was opened by a big man, also totally naked.

I explained the situation about the doors and my chief salesman and I must admit I was surprised at how understanding he was.

I guess I am the only salesman to buy back his products from a client who never paid for them in the first place.

IF YOU WANT TO LAUGH MORE AT ME 
READ MY MEMOIRES HERE



Tuesday 25 June 2024

What shall I write about?

 

I make a point of posting something new here every day. This is because my most loyal readers visit here every day, and I believe I owe them the courtesy to write something interesting and to thank them for their support and encouragement.

The way I maintain my daily writings is that sometimes I write a number of posts, say ten or even more, all at once and keep them in reserve to be posted every day. As the number of posts in reserve gets depleted I hope that more inspiration comes to mind so that I can write some more. In order to encourage the brain cells, (or is it the soul?), I stop shaving until inspiration comes to mind for another post.

Today, as I tripped on my beard and fell down the stairs, I had a thought.

Why do we pray? Will it change the will of God, or budge Him in any way?

As parents, we do sometimes change our minds and give way to our children’s demands, especially when they go on and on about something that they want.

So will not also our Father in Heaven give us what we ask Him?

In Luke 18:2, Jesus tells the story of a widow who pestered a judge for so long that he eventually gave in and helped her. This parable teaches us not to be discouraged and always pray to God for our needs. 

But will our continuous prayers over and over again change God's mind? 

I believe that God listens to all prayers but some get unanswered for a variety of reasons.

Perhaps what we're asking for is not good for us. As parents we often say "No" to our children; and God in His loving way is saying "No"; or "Not now", what we are asking for is not in line with His Divine will and the timing is all wrong. God is not there to answer our every prayer like a magician. You'd be surprised how many people like to serve Him in an advisory capacity; telling Him what to do, and when and how.

God does not work to our timescale; or respond to our every whim.

He listens. He cares. And He answers appropriately to our every prayer in a loving way in line with our every need. Whether we pray for ourselves or for someone else. Because prayers are the most important gift we can give or receive from someone else.

And one more thing: Sometimes God answers our prayers by saying, "Are you kidding?"

Monday 24 June 2024

Signs of the times

 


Sign over a Gynaecologist’s Office:
"Dr Jones, at your cervix."

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In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

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On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

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On a Plumber’s truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

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On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

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On a Church's Bill board:
"7 days without God makes one weak."

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At a Tyre Store
"Invite us to your next blowout."

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On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

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In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

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On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

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At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

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On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

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On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

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At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

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Outside a Car Exhaust Store:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

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In a Vets waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

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In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

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And don't forget the sign at a
RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

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……… and the best till last
Sign on the back of yet another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"