I went to see see a chiropractor. A friend of mine is a pain in the neck working his way South. So I went to see this medic recommended by ... would you believe ... by this pain in the **** friend.
I'd never been to this chiropractor before, or any chiropractor. So he asked me some questions which he typed on his computer. What I did not realise at the time, until much later, is that he had one of those tiny ear-pieces in his ear which connected to a cell-phone; and whilst talking to me he was having a conversation with someone else.
It went like this:
Come in ... sit down, Sir. I need to take some details first. Name? I gave him my name.
That's good darling ... I frowned. I did not know what to say. Odd comment to make to a client, I thought.
Address? I gave him my address.
Very nice of you to volunteer this, my sweet! ... I frowned some more. He just asked me my address. I did not volunteer the information. What's going on here?
Date of birth? I gave him my DOB. He asked various other questions seeking information which I answered. Then in conversation he said ...
I do like the way you talk, darling ... I was getting rather panicky by now. I thought he was coming on to me. Does he fancy me? How personal is this medical check up going to be?
I nearly said something when he jumped in first. Where exactly does it hurt Sir? He called me "Sir". We're getting formal once again rather than darling and my sweet. What's going on?
He asked again where it hurts. I told him pointing to my neck and lower back.
Would you take your clothes off and lie on the couch please, Sir ... ... ... just put them next to mine sweetheart.
WHAT? Put my clothes next to his? He asked me to put my clothes next to his ... I nearly punched his lights out at this suggestion ... then suddenly he said ... Yes, next to mine in the garage.
Garage? What garage? I was more confused than before. I stopped in mid-thoughts and mid-undressing.
Just lie on the couch, Sir, he continued. He ran his fingers up and down my spine chasing a frisson doing the same in unison with my trembling fears. What's going to happen next?
Now hang up, darling. He said.
What? Hang up what? What exactly is he asking me to do?
Yes, hang up. I'll talk to you later darling. Bye love ...
The penny should have dropped as they say in my part of the world.
I should have realised he was having a phone conversation with someone else. But I don't think like that you see. I am a very clear thinker who analyses the situation quickly and jumps to the wrong conclusions. I thought he was schizophrenic. This guy has a double personality.
I jumped out of the couch and got dressed very quickly. Quicker than it takes to get undressed. I even put on my bow tie.
I figured if he gives me an invoice for the consultation I'd tell him I paid his other personality.
I made an excuse I remembered I had to be somewhere else fast. Another Continent or other planet maybe.
As I was leaving he said, "I hope you don't mind my being interrupted by my wife on the phone ..."