Pizza Meravigliosa

I went to my favourite Italian Restaurant for one of their famous pizzas.

The customer at the counter was waiting for his pizza take away (or "to go" as they say in USA).

The restaurant assistant put the hot pizza in a cardboard box and then holding the pizza slicer said: "Would you like it cut in eight or six slices?"

The customer replied: "Oh ... only six slices; I don't think I can eat eight slices".

Prayer Gift

Prayer is the greatest gift we can give one another.

It shows a generosity of spirit, love and caring for each other - just as Our Lord asked us.

Should any of you need prayers, or wish to offer a prayer for me, or seek prayers for someone else or a particular cause, you can always join us in prayer by clicking HERE

Or by visiting the link "Donate a Prayer" at the top of this page.

At the Circus

Why is it that people mistake the way I dress for what it is not?

Let me explain.

The other day we went to the circus as a family. I was dressed in my usual cowboy type hat with a large feather on the side, an orange colored jacket with large squares in a lighter shade of orange, and bright red tartan trousers; not forgetting my favorite bow tie of course!

We sat in the big top, which as you all know is a large circular tent with the audience sitting all round the circumference with the show taking place in the middle area of the tent.

The music was blaring loudly, every one was happy with excitement and all was going well … until someone pointed out that they’d forgotten something in the car. Being the gentleman that I am I got up to get the forgotten item.

On the way back I must have mistakenly taken the wrong opening in the tent. I stood in a long corridor type enclosure with a lot of other people some dressed as clowns, others in Tarzan type outfits carrying heavy weights, others in ballerina costumes, and then behind me people came holding on to horses, and one man gave me a small donkey to hold by a rope tied to his neck. Then further behind us came more people with elephants and tigers in cages on trucks.

There was a big drum roll from inside the tent and pretty soon everyone moved forwards to a loud fanfare.

It was obvious to every one but me that I was part of the big entrance into the large tent announcing the start of the show.

I had no option but to walk forwards with the crowd holding on to the donkey.

As we entered the tent the clowns beside me started to throw a large beach ball at each other.

One of them caught the ball and threw it at me knocking my hat off!

I heard the audience roar in delight.

I stopped and bent down to pick up my hat when the clown behind me kicked me in the backside to the delight of the audience, except my family sitting nearby!

I let go of the rope holding the donkey and went back for my hat. At which point, for some reason, the donkey ran away from the orderly queue and started hopping up and down like a wild bucking bronco.

This frightened the elephants which started trumpeting loudly.

Fortunately someone caught the donkey quickly and order was restored although the audience thought it was all part of the show as they applauded enthusiastically and laughed loudly.

I put on my hat and walked in unison with everyone else once more around the big tent. Whilst looking straight ahead trying to avoid eye contact with my family I accidentally stepped into a deposit left there by an elephant. The audience near me at the time whooped in delight!

Eventually I followed everyone else out of the big tent and I made my way back to the car to get cleaned up.

I returned to my family and had great difficulty explaining the whole situation to them.

Silent Prayer

In a Catholic Church, when we celebrate Mass, just before the Gospel is read, the congregation makes a small Sign of the Cross on their forehead, on their lips, and on their breast.

What's all that about?

In fact, it is a silent prayer all by itself.

The Sign of the Cross on one's forehead reminds us that the word of God should always be in the forefront of our minds. No matter what we do throughout life, it should always be in accordance to God's wishes and God's Commandments. By keeping God always on our mind we ensure that we're always close to Him and that we're less likely to go against His will.

The Sign on our lips means that we pray that we're always prepared to witness for God when the right time requires it. Many people often shy away from speaking up for God in conversation with family and friends, especially when He is ridiculed or spoken against. People tend to keep quiet for fear of offending others, or for fear of being ridiculed themselves. Instead, our lips can often be used to gossip, malign others, to spread rumours, lies and ill will. The Sign on our lips is a prayer that our lips are always used to glorify and serve God in all that we say.

The Sign on our breast is a prayer that God may always be within our heart and that we may grow to love Him and never stray from His love. Hearts can often hide grudges, hatred, revenge, envy, and all sorts of other sins. Signing the Cross on our heart is a prayer that we may be always pure and receptive to God's love and grace. 

The Sign of the Cross on our forehead, lips and hearts. A silent prayer all in itself.

Kyrie Eleison

Originally, the Mass in Eastern Europe, where it started, was celebrated in Greek.

With time, as Christianity spread further West into Europe it was celebrated in Latin.

And as time moved on, it is now celebrated in English, or whichever language is spoken in the Country where Mass is celebrated.

Except for three words which have survived time and are still from the original Greek Mass.

Kyrie Eleison

Christe Eleison

Meaning "Lord have mercy" and "Christ have mercy".

It is important to remember that by "Lord", or "Sir" we do not mean that we look up to Our Lord as some Master or Ruler. In this context, the word "Kyrie" means "Lord" in the sense of a child looking up to one's loving parent and asking for help, love, guidance and protection.

So when we sing at Mass "Kyrie Eleison" we look up to God our loving Father and ask Him to be always by our side and have mercy on us. And we call upon Christ His Son, in the same prayer.

Alleluia

When celebrating a Catholic Mass, just before the reading of the Gospel, the congregation and choir sing "Alleluia".

It's an old English word, derived from Latin, and originally from the Hebrew word Halleluyah meaning "Praise the Lord!"

Now ... if we look carefully in our Missal, it says "May be omitted if not sung".

Have you ever wondered why it says so?

Well ... let's imagine you are at a Birthday Party and in a straight face you recite calmly:

Happy Birthday to you 

Happy Birthday to you 

Happy Birthday dear friend 

Happy Birthday to you

It doesn't quite have the same effect does it? It just has to be sung.

Some songs have to be sung. They cannot be recited, however well we might try.

And it's the same with the "Alleluia. It is an ancient song of praise to Our Lord giving us all an opportunity, however bad we may think our voices are, to praise Our Lord in song for all He has done for us.

So let us raise our voices in joy and Praise Him now and when we next attend Mass.

Are you a Christian role model?

I was reading the parable of the lost coin the other day (Luke 15:8) and my thoughts wandered … what is the greatest loss one can experience in this world? Is it the loss of a worthless trinket with great emotional value to the owner; or an expensive item of jewelry or such like; or great sums of money? Is it the loss of a loved one? Or what?

I concluded that for a Christian the greatest loss is the loss of one’s Faith.

I am often saddened by the number of people who say they are losing their faith or belief in God.

Why is that I wonder. Is it because we live in a technologically advanced age and people find it difficult to relate to a super-natural omnipotent God whose love they have never actually experienced in their lives? Or is it because when times are hard people struggle to relate to a Supreme Being they can turn to for help?

The other day on TV someone said: "Now that more and more people realise that there is no God, how can people relate to such issues as death, what comes after death, and why we are here on earth in the first place?"

Note the significant verb in that sentence. "Realise".

The speaker is implying that if you still believe in an omnipotent God then there's something wrong with you. You are not enlightened and awake enough to "realise" that it is all a work of fiction invented years ago by man to suit man's own needs.

So ... is this why people are losing their Faith, even some Christians? Is it because of peer pressure not to believe?

Or is it perhaps a shortage of good Christian role models? People who set us a good example of how to be Christ-like.

I then realized that we are all role models for others; whether we are parents, teachers, preachers or whatever. We are all unwittingly setting an example for others to emulate.

The magnitude of that realization frightened me.

Being a Christian is quite a responsibility you know!

It's MAGIC

Let's try to perform a magic trick on the Internet and see if it works.

The success of this trick will depend very much on what you do, so it's important that you please follow the instructions below TASK by TASK very carefully as we perform this magic trick together. If it works it’s only because you’re brilliant and you've made it work ... it has nothing to do with me.

Let's first identify the four kinds of cards available in a pack:

They are SPADE, HEART, CLUB and DIAMOND

OK ... let's get started. 

TASK 1 

Take a pack of playing cards and remove the jokers. 

 

TASK 2 

Now shuffle the pack well and select a card.  

DON’T SHOW IT TO ME !!!

TASK 3 

Now multiply the value of that card by 10.

So if the card is a 6 you now have 60. If it's a 9 you have 90 ... and so on. Very easy this bit.

REMEMBER the Jack is 11, the Queen is 12 and the King is 13. So if you selected a Queen you now have 120.

OK … done that? Good! You're very good at this ... well done.

TASK 4

Now add 13 to the number you’ve got.

You’re doing well so far.  

Please keep your card close to you so I can’t see it.

TASK 5 

Now look at the card carefully.

If it is a SPADE add 1 to the number you have.

If it is a HEART add 2 to the number you have.

If it is a CLUB add 3 to the number you have.

And if it is a DIAMOND add 4 to the number you have.

TASK 6 

Nearly there … this bit is simple.

In the comment box below type the number you now have after performing all the tasks outlined above.

OK ... that's it!!! 

Now give me some time to think about all this and I'll reply to you in the comments box below soon.

I hope you'll like this trick ... I've never tried it before so I'm hopeful it will work.

Good luck.

Father Ignatius in hospital

Father Ignatius had visited his parishioners in hospital so many times that he was now well known by the medical staff and the nurses. So it came as no surprise to him when one afternoon he was phoned by the Hospital Ward Matron and asked to come over as quickly as possible.

Agatha Dartford had been admitted to hospital by ambulance and she was asking for him by name.

Agatha was 93 years old and three years ago, being no longer able to look after herself, she had to leave her lovely cottage in the countryside and she was moved by her family to the Green Meadows Home for Senior Citizens.

She lost her independence that day, as well as all the lovely memories which her little cottage in the country contained.

She had moved in that little house many years ago just after marrying her husband. She raised her family there; all five of them who have now grown up and moved to other towns and cities far away with their own families.

The day she moved to Green Meadows was a dark day indeed in her life. She knew it was the logical thing to do of course; but sometimes logic really hurts. There’s no way that a frail person like her could look after herself alone in the countryside. So her family decided to sell her cottage and most of the furniture and other items which they did not want and moved her to the Home more through coercion than love.

“It’s better for you Mom. They can look after you better there; and you’ll have company with other people …” they said; “Green Meadows will provide you with all you need and you won’t have to cook or clean or do any of the household chores anymore. Aren’t you lucky Mom … it will be wonderful!”

But Agatha liked to cook for herself, and to eat when she wanted, sleep when she wanted and do as she wishes; rather than be regimented in a home with other people.

Yet; old age teaches you patience and it teaches you to accept what is inevitable and outside your control.

She was rather weak and in poor health so it seemed logical to have someone care for her; but wouldn’t it have been nice to live with one of her children and enjoy the company of her grand-children and see them grow up!

“We’ll come and visit you often …” was no substitute to living with her family and share their lives and dreams and hopes. To see them every day in good times and bad and to share their lives together.

Her children had all done well in life and all had large houses which could have easily accommodated her; but she’d be in the way no doubt and would cramp their successful lifestyles. They’d made that plain enough; even though they never actually said it.

So, reluctantly she accepted their decision and did move to Green Meadows; and indeed they did look after her very well in there. The personnel were very kind and helpful, including the nurses and medics whenever she needed them.

As for her family … yes … they visited her as promised … about once a year or so.

She was fortunate enough to have befriended Father Ignatius who used to visit another resident at Green Meadows.

So he visited her regularly about once a week and sometimes he brought her some of her favorite chocolate cakes from the bakery just next to St Vincent Church. They normally chatted for about half-an-hour or so and then they recited the Rosary together before blessing her and giving her Holy Communion.

Today, however, the priest was rushing to the hospital in response to her calls for help.

When he arrived there he was greeted by the Hospital Ward Matron who knew him well. She explained that Agatha had fallen at Green Meadows Home and had bruised her arm and left side badly. She was obviously in terrible pain and the medics wanted to take some X Rays photos to check that there are no broken bones.

But Agatha would not co-operate despite her obvious pain. The nurses tried to help her prepare for the X Ray tests and she held her left arm close against her chest and would not open her hand which was closed tightly.

They asked her what she was holding but she would not respond and closed her hand tighter still; asking for Father Ignatius to come and see her.

“Thank you for calling me Denise …” said Father Ignatius to the Ward Matron, “perhaps you’ll take me to her.”

Moments later he entered Agatha’s room and the nurses in attendance left closing the door behind them.

“Hello Agatha …” said the priest gently, “you’ve given us quite a fright … tell me what happened to you …”

“I fell at the Home Father … and they brought me here by ambulance …”

“Ah … I see; any excuse to escape Green Meadows is it …” he smiled, “or is it a trick to get me to bring you some chocolate cake?”

She smiled back and her eyes brightened at the thought.

“They want me to have some X Ray photos Father … and they want to take this from me …” she added motioning her clenched hand.

“I don’t understand …” said the priest calmly.

“When I moved to Green Meadows three years ago … just after my 90th Birthday it was … I lost everything.

“My children sold my house, they sold my furniture … and took away whatever ornaments and little things I had … or got rid of what they did not want. I had some lovely porcelain ornaments Father; and they sold the lot; or took the valuable ones for themselves.

“They moved me to Green Prison … that’s what I call it … with only the clothes I was wearing. That’s the rules of that place. They provide you with everything; including your clothes you know …

“My children even took all my old photographs of my dear Ken and I when we were wed … and the photos of the children as they grew up … and every bit of souvenir and memory that I had in that little cottage were I spent all those years …

“I have nothing in this world that belongs to me …

“Except this …” she said shaking her tightly closed hand gently.

“And now the nurses want to take even this … I want to go back to my cottage Father!”

Father Ignatius hugged her gently so as not to hurt her where she was bruised and kissed her forehead.

“Now then Agatha … you know well that your cottage was out in the country … and if you were to go back there it would mean that I’ll have a terribly long drive to come and visit you … you don’t really plan to inconvenience me do you?”

“No Father …” she said smiling.

“Besides … at Green Meadows they look after you well don’t they?”

She nodded.

“And it’s so much nearer for me …to come and visit you” he smiled.

“But I tell you what … as soon as you get out of hospital I’ll arrange with the Warden at Green Meadows to take you out for a drive in the countryside and we can visit your cottage. Would you like that?”

“Yes Father …” she replied enthusiastically.

“But first we need to have these X Rays done to make sure you’re OK. Can we ask the nurses to get on with this do you think?”

She nodded.

“Would you look after this for me Father?” she asked as she opened her hand.

And there, held ever so tightly that it had imprinted itself in her palm was a finger Rosary.



“You remember you gave me this some years ago Father?” she said.

The priest nodded gently.

“It’s all I have in the world that is mine. And I use it every time we recite the Rosary together and also every day when I sit by the window watching the birds in the garden at Green Meadows.”

Father Ignatius took good care of Agatha’s finger Rosary; and returned it to her when she’d had her X Rays done.

He also kept his promise and took her for a drive in the countryside by her cottage when she was eventually discharged from the hospital fully recuperated. And he took her to her favorite bakery for chocolate cakes and tea too!

At the seaside

I was on business at a seaside town and I finished my afternoon meeting early. I decided to take a walk on the beach.

It was warm and everyone was either swimming or lying there on the sand half-naked enjoying the sun and cooking slowly.

Not me. I decided to be as inconspicuous as possible in my pin striped suit, emerald green bow tie with pink spots, hat with a bright feather sticking out of the side, and of course, dark sunglasses.

I must admit though, I envied all those people enjoying the cool sea. They certainly looked happy, so I decided to join them.

I approached the edge of the sea and took off my shoes and socks, which I put inside the shoes. The red sock in the left shoe and the green sock in the right shoe … that way I’ll remember which is which when I get to wear them again. Then I rolled up my pin-striped trousers all the way to just above the knee and I walked into the sea.

Oh … it was lovely. Even though people looked at me suspiciously! I could see the expression on their incredulous faces through my dark glasses and they could not see that I was looking at them looking at me. So I had the advantage on them I think. Even though they were giggling surreptitiously and nudging each other.  

Anyway … I ignored them as I am accustomed to doing when people stare at me in the street or on the train in my attire.

Suddenly, I started dancing and hopping from foot to foot in the sea, splashing water everywhere and attracting more attention to myself.

A woman asked: “Is this Candid Camera?”

A number of onlookers laughed at me and someone said “I think he’s filming a comedy film. Where are the cameras Mister?”

I must admit, the same thought would have crossed my mind if I saw someone in pin-striped suit dancing in the sea; but I was in too much pain to see the funny side of what was happening.

I got out of the water to reveal a huge jellyfish stuck to the outside of my right leg. Why is it that with all these half-naked people in the sea the jellyfish chose me to attack? Does he not like business attire perhaps? Or is it the feather in my hat and my green bowtie?

“Jellyfish … jelly fish …” I cried out in pain.

“Oh … quickly,” said a rotund woman, “you must wee-wee on it!”

How could I possibly wee-wee on it whilst wearing a pin striped suit? Or wearing anything for that matter! The creature was attached on the outside of my leg just below the knee and I can’t see it as a physical possibility to attack it with … Oh never mind.

The woman then said, “Or you can let someone else wee-wee on it!”

As I could not see a queue of volunteers ready to assist me in this manner I continued to jump up and down and hitting the jellyfish with my hat. It broke the feather right off and made the hat quite un-wearable.

A young man came running to my help and said “You have to pour vinegar on it! Do you have any vinegar?”

“Oh yes,” I thought, “I always carry a gallon bottle of vinegar in my pocket just in case of such an occurrence.” 

But I was in too much pain to say anything. I just shook my head.

The man asked someone to run to the Fish and Chips shop nearby and get a bottle of vinegar.

“I have no money!” said the other person.

I got out my wallet and gave him a £5 note … the smallest currency I had. He smiled and ran away. I wondered if I’d ever see him again.

Eventually he returned with a small bottle of vinegar which the first young man gently poured on the jellyfish. It shriveled and let go of my leg.

“You must get this seen to in hospital.” said the young man.

I nodded and thanked him. I turned round to get my shoes only to find that the tide had come in somewhat and taken them out to sea with the red and green socks waving at me happily as they sailed away!

I hopped bare feet and minus my hat into a taxi and to the nearest hospital.

And the moral of this story, dear friends, is: Never go to sea in a pin-striped suit!

Money money money

The reading in church today was from Mark 10:17-27.

I’m sure you know the story about the rich man who was told by Jesus to sell everything he had, give it to the poor, and follow Jesus.

The man just could not do this, and went away sad.

Jesus also says that famous saying about it being harder for a rich man to enter Heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle.

And people have been debating that hyperbole for years. What did it mean? Did Jesus refer to a gate called Needle, or was it a mountain pass which was so narrow you had to unload your camel of what it was carrying, pass the camel through, and then load it again.

In reality, it doesn’t matter.

What’s important is the message behind the hyperbole and the advice to sell everything and give it to the poor.

Did Jesus mean it?

Here’s my take on it – unorthodox as it may be.

I doubt very much if every rich man on earth sold all their property and gave it to the poor that it would make any difference. It would be like putting a snowflake in a burning furnace.

Anyway, it is not physically possible, since if every rich person sold their property, by implication, they would sell it to someone else who would in turn be rich in order to be able to buy it. I’m sure you follow the tautology.

So what did Jesus mean?

He certainly was not speaking against wealth. Wealth creates wealth. It creates jobs and it creates the wherewithal to help others less fortunate than ourselves.

Christ condones, nay encourages, the creation of wealth in His parable about the servants given a gold coin each by their master. When he returned from his travels the master discovered that two servants managed to make their fortune increase whilst the third just didn’t bother. So he rewards the hard-working servants and punishes the other. Luke 19:11-27.

Jesus was teaching responsible wealth. There’s nothing wrong in working hard and amassing a fortune honestly.

As long as we use it responsibly.

Those who are fortunate to have wealth should remember their responsibility to share it with others, and to help others, as best they can. This doesn’t mean sell everything and give it to the poor. It means be aware of those around you who are less fortunate than yourself; and share your good fortune with them.

If you were to sell everything then once it's gone, it's gone - you can no longer help the poor and you may well become poor yourself. What's so clever about that?

In the parable of the rich man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31) Jesus does not condemn the rich man for being rich; but for not even realizing, never mind caring, for a poor man starving at his gate.

So there you have it: work hard, be wealthy, but remember others less well-off than yourself.

And wealth does not necessarily mean riches and money.

Some people are wealthy in different ways: wealthy in wisdom and knowledge, wealthy in health and stamina, wealthy in talents and so on.

Those amongst us who are well educated and knowledgeable should not look down on others haughtily and with disdain. Use your knowledge to teach others.

Those who are fortunate to be healthy should remember the sick and if possible visit them or help them as best they can.

Those with talents for music, the arts, sports or whatever should share their talents with others. Imagine the good you can achieve as a sportsman if you visit a school and share a few moments coaching children in whatever it is you do. Or if a musician or celebrity shared a few moments with less talented yet aspiring youngsters. That visit would be imprinted on young memories for life – and may well inspire them to do better and achieve more.

Let’s all look at ourselves deeply and discover what wealth God has given us.

Money, good health, a talent for music, painting, singing or whatever … and let’s share it for the glory of, and in thanksgiving to, God our Creator.

Hardened hearts.

Father Ignatius came across some sad realities of life the other day. 

It was a dark and wintry cold evening when he was called out to visit an elderly parishioner at home who was very ill and nearing the end of his life. The old man's wife was there and a few other relatives all gathered around the old man's bed praying and crying. 

In conversation the priest learnt that this parishioner had a grown up son living not far away. Although he had been warned about his father's poor health he had not come to see him. Apparently, father and son had not met or spoken to each other for years following a family argument.

Sadly, even though the son had not visited his dying father, the father in turn did not want to see his son.

The priest, in an attempt at reconciliation, made an effort to contact the son by telephone. But it was too late. By then the father had died.

The son never turned up to the funeral.

Father Ignatius’ heart was at breaking point during the funeral. He remembered the fifth Commandment about respecting one's parents and the words in Our Lord's Prayer "forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sinned against us". He wanted to say something about this during his sermon but decided that it was not appropriate at the time.

Instead he offered a private Mass for the whole family and prayed that the act of reconciliation may never again be so thwarted by entrenched self-indulgent righteousness.