Monday 30 September 2024

Let's do some magic

 

I used to be a magician. Every time I tried to pull a rabbit out of the hat he pulled me in instead. Anyway, let's attempt to do a trick. Below there are six cards - A  B  C  D  E  F.

Now select a number from any of the cards. You can write it down if you wish but don't do it near the computer monitor in case I see it. 

Have you chosen a number from any card? Good. 

Now tell me (in the comments box below) ALL the cards on which your number appears. For example say "C, E and F".

I've never tried this trick before, so with your co-operation it might work and I'll get the rabbit out of the hat.

Sunday 29 September 2024

The zebra story

 

Father Ignatius approached the lectern and said, "A reading from the holy Gospel according to Mark Chapter 9 Verses 38 to 41. ‘Teacher,’ said John, ‘we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we told him to stop, because he was not one of us.’

‘Do not stop him,’ Jesus said. ‘For no one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me, for whoever is not against us is for us. Truly I tell you, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to the Messiah will certainly not lose their reward.’ "

The priest waited until they all sat down and then started his sermon, "Once upon a time there was a zebra which looked different from the rest of the herd. People don't like different, do they? Zebras don't like different either.

"This zebra had its stripes horizontally. Instead of having the stripes vertically around the body like all other zebras, this one had its stripes horizontally from the neck to the rear. The other zebras did not like that. They said he was not ‘one of us’. Whatever that means. They wanted the zebra out of the herd.

"They debated, they argued, and then they voted. And the zebra was thrown out of the herd to roam all alone, lonely, and defenceless. It soon got attacked by hyenas and was killed. They did not care which way the stripes went.”

He waited a moment or two as he usually does to make a point and then continued, “Sounds familiar, does it not? The zebra looked different and was not welcome in the herd. The disciples had the same attitude towards the stranger who performed miracles in Christ’s name yet was not one of the disciples.

"And to a large extent, so are we too, are we not. We may well wish to deny it, but deep down we are all prejudiced in some form or other, including me. It is in our very nature to be prejudiced about something or other. We’re too quick to judge. We all have our likes and dislikes and we react differently to peoples’ appearances, attire, age, accents, and the multitude of other feelings we have towards each other.

"When Jesus walked this earth, He must have met many poor people whose clothes were dirty and torn. Lepers too, as well as prostitutes and evil-doers of all kinds. He didn’t use our prejudices in order to avoid them and judge them. Instead, He used pity, compassion and love to help them to a better life.

"Jesus taught us not to judge so that we may not be judged. Have you ever wondered whether in life someone has been prejudiced against you without your knowledge? That job or promotion you did not get for instance? Or the way you’ve been treated by certain people?

"Dear Lord, forgive us if we have unintentionally sinned through our prejudices and treatment of others and teach us to be more aware of our weaknesses and help us to overcome them. Amen."

EXCERPT FROM

Saturday 28 September 2024

Walk the extra mile

 

At the time of Jesus, when the Romans occupied the Holy Land, a Roman soldier had the right to ask a Jew to carry his luggage for him and walk with him. Imagine you were a Jew and a soldier asked you to carry his luggage and walk in the opposite direction you were going; ruining your day and other appointments. And you could not refuse. No wonder the Jews hated the Romans so much. However, the soldier could not force a Jew to walk more than one mile. After that distance he'd let him go; and probably pick another Jew to carry his luggage for another mile.

" ... and if someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles." (Matthew 5:41) 

Hence Jesus' teaching to His followers and the expression to walk the extra mile.

Friday 27 September 2024

The truth about ghosts

 

Did you know that ghosts have never been seen in upstairs floors, or apartments or penthouse suites? This is because being spirits, ghosts can walk through walls; and by the same principle they also fall through the floor to the lowest place in a building. So a ghost in a penthouse apartment would fall all the way down to the ground floor. 

Did you also know that ghosts can talk in the language of the country where they appear? So, whilst the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future spoke in English because the story Christmas Carol was written in English; you will find that if you are abroad ghosts would speak in French, Italian, German or whatever. Very confusing if you don't know what they're saying.

Ghosts are not always human shapes of humans who have died. You can have ghosts of any animals appearing in the most unlikely places. Once in an exotic restaurant I mistakenly ordered chicken. It turned out that they had served me a parrot. It's ghost kept repeating on me all the way home.

Once when on a cruise ship I actually saw a ghost.  He was about six foot tall with a big red bushy beard, and an eye patch on his left eye. He had a wooden leg, a hook for a hand and a sword on his belt. I believe he was a vegetarian ghost pirate because he had a carrot perched on his shoulder. I asked him about the patch on his eye. He said he once tried to enter a room through the keyhole and someone put in a key at the time.

On another occasion in Paris I saw a ghost in an old auberge where I was staying. He spoke to me in French and broken English. He was wearing an old style type costume, a bit like the three musketeers or something from that era. He then explained about ghosts walking through walls and said, "I used to enter ze rooms by sliding under ze doors, you know. But I stopped doing zat. One day, I slid under ze door and zere was a woman cleaning ze room on ze other side and she sucked me into her vacuum cleaner! But not any more, Monsieur. Now I travel ze conventional ghostly way by walking through ze solid walls!"

At this point a clock somewhere struck 10:35pm. "Oh ... I must go to my wife Suzette," he said. "Madame Penoir, my wife, she gets veree upset when I am late! I usually tell her ze stories zat I am haunting tourists in old auberges; but she is not believing me. She says she can see right through me!"

And with zese words, sorry ... these words, he jumped out of the window and landed in the river below. I think he was in Seine!

My last ghost encounter was at an old castle in Scotland. During the night, whilst I was in bed I heard  a sound in the room. There by my bedside was a tall ghostly figure of a woman standing still. She looked a lot like Gloria Gaynor standing there silently. 

At first I was afraid ... then I was petrified! And now I am imagining the look on your faces reading this!

Thursday 26 September 2024

Seriously Humourous

 


Did you hear about the stolen dog collar? Police are looking for leads.

==================== 

I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems. So I bought 2.

==================== 

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. 

For a second, everything was quiet in the cab. Then the driver said, "Look, mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." 

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver — I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

==================== 

A child asked his mother, "How were people born?" So his mother said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his father, asked him the same question and he told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his mother and said, "You lied to me!" His mother replied, "No, your dad was talking about his side of the family."

==================== 

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.   

==================== 

Q: Is Google male or female?

A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion. (Sorry ladies ... only joking. I got my wife's permission to tell you this joke!)

==================== 

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"

 Student: "A drinking problem."

==================== 

My boss just texted me: "Send me one of your funny jokes!"

I texted him back: "I'm busy working. I'll send one later."

"That's hilarious," he said, "Send another one!"

==================== 

My wife has an odd way of starting conversations ...

She always begins by saying, "Hey, are you even listening?"

==================== 

A woman was admitted to hospital with two burnt ears. Apparently, she answered the phone whilst she was ironing. The doctor asked her how she burnt the second ear. She replied that it happened when she phoned for an ambulance.

==================== 

Two elderly men from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Colin, I'm 93 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Colin replies, "I feel just like a new-born baby."

"Really! Like a new-born baby?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."


AND FINALLY

A few days ago I wrote about talking to a sloth I saw hanging off a lamp post. Some readers questioned my "sanity" about talking to an animal as if he'd understand me. I told my dog about this and we had a good laugh about it.

Wednesday 25 September 2024

Heavenly Thoughts

 

"Don't let your worries get the best of you, remember, Moses started out as a basket case"

 Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews.

 Many folks want to serve God in an advisory capacity.
         

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

 

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the Spirit" over "religious nuts!"

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

He who angers you, controls you!

Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.

We don't change the message, the message changes us.

You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.

Peace starts with a smile. The world will never know peace until it learns to forgive.


"Father, bless the person reading this in whatever it is that You know they need."

Tuesday 24 September 2024

In praise of sloth

 

As I went shopping the other day I saw a sloth hanging from a lamp post. I asked him what he was doing there and he said he could not be bothered to find a tree from which to hang.

"You're such a lazy creature," I said, "hanging from a tree for up to 18 hours a day and going to the toilet whilst hanging there. No wonder they named one of the seven deadly sins after you!"

"That's easy for you to say," he replied, "living in luxurious homes with all amenities and many bathrooms. We sloth nearly didn't make it in life you know. Noah had to wait ages for us to arrive. As it started raining he sent out a search party with umbrellas, you know!"

"No, I did not know," I said, "why are you so slow anyway?"

"The females of the species are the worst," he went on, "they take so long to get ready when we have to go out! The other day we were invited to a wedding and by the time we got there it was their third anniversary."

"You should have taken a taxi or a bus," I suggested.

"Tell me about it," the sloth said, "my cousin was a bus driver and he lost his job within a week."

"Is that because he was always late?" I asked.

"No, that's part of being a bus driver anyway," he said, "he was fired because he kept forgetting his bus route."

As I was leaving, he added, "We eat leaves you know. Can you get me some from the shops? I can't be bothered to get down this lamp post and go up a tree!"

Monday 23 September 2024

Are you clever enough to solve this?

 

There are two rooms side by side in a corridor. Room A and Room B.

You are in Room A. You cannot see Room B or what is in it.

Room A has three electric switches on a table - switch 1, switch 2 and switch 3.

Each switch connects to a light bulb in Room B. But you do not know which switch connects to which light bulb.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to identify which switch connects to which light bulb.

You are only allowed to visit Room B ONCE only. That is the time when you identify which light bulb connects to its correct switch.

Once you leave Room A you cannot go back there - you have to go to Room B to identify the light bulbs.

How do you do it?

Tell us your answer in the comments box below.

P.S. I'll post the answer in the comments box shortly. Good luck!

Saturday 21 September 2024

Obedience

 

Imagine you went out on the road and ignored all the road signs, the red traffic lights, and the speed limits; and you drove on the wrong side of the road and ignored "No Entry" signs.

Imagine you ignored to file your Tax Return, and ignored other legislation. 
 
Imagine you lived your own way, by your own rules, and ignored everyone else.

It won't le long before you're in front of a judge in Court.

Any society, if it is to remain a collective society, has laws; and these laws or rules must be obeyed if that society is to remain intact.

God gave His people instructions and rules through the prophets as recorded in the books of the Old Testament. The most well known set of rules are the Ten Commandments, and they have been broken and ignored ever since they were written.

Over the years, many generations in many lands have set their own rules and these have been obeyed or not and suffered the consequences. Society cannot survive under the rule of law unless individuals want to submit and obey that law.
 
The first place to learn obedience is in the family.
 
Parents must set the example by being obedient themselves, first to God's Commandments and then to those of the society in which they live.
 
They should teach obedience to their children through gentle correction and ensuring that their own rules towards their children do not lead to resentment and rebellion by being too harsh or unfair and unjust.
 
Obedience, like many other qualities, is learnt at the earliest stage in life. Ideally in the family.
 
In recent times many people have distanced themselves from God and His Commandments. The family, as the nucleus of society has been devalued. Marriages, divorces, separations and casual relationships are seen as just normal phases in one's life. Is it any wonder that ... ... ...   

Friday 20 September 2024

Last Night of the Proms 2024

 



LAST NIGHT OF THE PROMS 2024

ROYAL ALBERT HALL

LONDON 


 

Thursday 19 September 2024

Thoughts from my bed

 

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that exercise is not for me. It's the tortoise life for me!

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat, whereas a rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, but a tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.

Why should I exercise? I'll just sit here; just go around me.

As I got older I've discovered that I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

Funny that, I don't remember being absent-minded. Have I told you that I don't remember being absent-minded?

I often go up to the bathroom and then realise that I live in a one storey bungalow. 

I ask myself if all is not lost, where is it? In life, some days, you're the dog; some days you're the tree.

Do you know that kids in the back-seat cause accidents. Accidents in the back-seat cause kids.

I think it's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. These days the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.

The doctor told me to exercise and I'm fitter than him. He tripped whilst out jogging across the road and a car hit him. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. I can’t remember whether I’ve told you all this before.

Wednesday 18 September 2024

Agony Uncle Vic

 

 
Dear Agony Column,

Sorry to phone in rather than write. I had a great argument with my wife and stormed out of the house. I got in the car and drove and drove. I've been driving non-stop for 23 hours and 55 minutes and I don't know where I am any more.

Dear lost in traffic,

You're five minutes from Tulsa!

Dear Vic,

I keep having these weird dreams that I'm being chased by a mandrill. Can you help please?

Dear Bonzo,

Are you making a monkey out of me? What's a mandrill anyway?

Dear Agony Vic,

For our wedding anniversary next week, I'll try cooking lobster thermidor. But we don't have a thermidor, would a frying pan do instead?

Dear potential cooking disaster,

Try phoning in for a pizza instead. He'll appreciate it more.

Dear Agony Column,

Despite our good fortune financially, I am not happy with life. What do you suggest?

Dear Introspective,

Happiness is relative. It is different for different people. For me, who is not as wealthy as you, happiness is getting home and finding a piece of cheese in the mousetrap. It's all to do with Einstein's Theory of Relativity. The richer you are the more relatives at your funeral. So at least you won't be alone.

Hi Agony,

I keep imagining I am Tom Jones and I think I can sing like him. Is this common?

Dear Tom,

It's not unusual!

Dear Mr Advice Column,

I am writing to you anonymously. I am a politician and the press and radio seem to ignore me. What shall I do?

Dear Anonymous,

Join them!

Dear Victor Agony,

I was reading a scientific article which said that every time I breathe in and out someone dies. What do you think about this statistic?

Dear friend,

Try a better mouthwash.

Dear Newspaper Column,

If the Universe is so full of twinkling stars, why is it dark at night?

Dear Star Gazer,

So you can get to sleep. 

Dear Vic,

I think I'm becoming paranoid. I keep thinking I am being followed. Can you recommend a book or a psychiatrist to help me?

Dear Paranoid,

It's behind you! 

Any problems that weigh heavily on your mind can be discussed in all confidence, in the Comments box below. I'll try my best to help.


 

Tuesday 17 September 2024

Smile

 


Monday 16 September 2024

Daylight Robbery

 

The police are looking for two robbers who have been terrorising the town of Glazier for the last few weeks. They work in tandem and have been identified on camera as Ivan Eye-Glass and Ivor Monocle. Whilst one man distracts home-owners by engaging in conversation pretending he is a door-to-door window cleaner; his colleague gets to the back of the house and steals their windows.

Mr Walter Vision from 72 Acacia Avenue said, "I was having a shower when I heard a noise and suddenly my window was gone. Where once there was a window now there is just a gaping aperture, a big hole in the wall. I have nowhere to hang my curtains. They were left in a pile on the floor!" 

Miss Curley Blonde reported that she was driving her car through the car wash when suddenly her car was flooded with soapy water. The thieves had stolen her car windows whist she was in motion.

There have been reports of missing windows all over town. The opticians in the High Street, I Lash, have had their shop window stolen and all the glasses in the shop window have had the lenses missing. "All we have now is a lot of frames with no lenses," he said. "This is not enough evidence to frame the culprits," he added later.

Sales of new replacement windows have gone through the roof. "There's more demand than we can supply," said the owner of the business, "because all our windows stock has been stolen and all we have is an empty warehouse. Even the windows in our building have gone."

"If this continues, we will have a world with no windows," said an expert speaking through a hole in his house, "and who knows what a window-less world would reveal!"

So beware what you do behind closed windows with curtains drawn. Your deeds may well be known to all.

Friday 13 September 2024

Lead us not into temptation

 

When we recite the Lord's Prayer we use the words "And lead us not into temptation". (Matthew 6:13)

This phrase has confused people who have misinterpreted what Jesus was teaching us to pray. Let me first of all clarify that God does NOT lead us into temptation. He tempts no one to do wrong. God does not play games with us. It is the devil who tempts people into wrong doings to lead us astray from God.

"When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone;" (James 1:13)

More accurately, the phrase means "do not let us yield to temptation."

In Greek, from which the Bible we use was written, the word PEIRASMOS has two meanings. The same word is used for trial and temptation. So the phrase is more accurately "lead us not into trials/tests (which we cannot overcome)."

God does not test us. He already knows how we will react and behave in certain circumstances when things go wrong in our life, like health issues, finances, relationships and so on. He allows those things to happen in life in order to maintain our free will to behave as we want. To stop bad things from happening would be to interfere with our gifted free will.

He allows these tests (trials/temptations) to happen in order that we might grow and learn from them. In order that we can remember in future when other things happen how we behaved before and how God helped us in those difficulties. Our tests in life are milestones and reminders to turn to God for help whenever life is difficult.

The phrase could be more accurately translated as "don't let me be tested beyond my capabilities and strength".

But God will not allow us to be pushed to the limit, He is not in the business of losing His followers.

“Every test that you have experienced is the kind that normally comes to people. But God keeps His promise, and He will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, He will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out”. (1 Corinthians Chapter 10 Verse 13).

Thursday 12 September 2024

Who is Jesus to you?

 

WHO IS JESUS TO YOU?
Is this a difficult question to answer without resorting to slogans and catch-phrases like "He is my Saviour, my Lord, He died for me, The Son of God" and other descriptions.

Let's analyse this by first looking at Jesus through the eyes of His contemporaries; those who lived with Him. To them, He was a human born of Mary who was married to Joseph. They knew His parents and watched Him grow up as a child working in His father's carpenter's shop and become a man amongst them. But as He grew up they noticed something different about Him. He was knowledgeable, even at the age of twelve discussing scripture in the temple with the elders; although He had no formal education as such.

When He started His mission on earth He spoke with authority and conviction, and all that He said made sense. He lived on a higher moral plain than society of the time. He showed compassion for the sick, the destitute and those forgotten by society. He cared for the hungry and the poor and showed kindness for everybody. The people witnessed His many miracles, and this really set Him apart from the rest of society; especially when He claimed that He was the Son of God. This upset and scandalised many of them, but a few believed He was Who He said He was. And this truth grew throughout the world after Pentecost when the Holy Spirit descended on His followers.

Move forwards 2000 years. Who is Jesus to people today?

Many don't believe in God or Jesus. Some have heard of Him and consider Him a wise man, a teacher, healer, preacher or prophet. Others profess that He is the Son of God and worship Him as they do God His Father and our Creator.  

But  WHO IS JESUS TO YOU?

There is a great difference between knowing about Jesus and knowing Jesus. We could have heard about someone and read about someone extensively but not know Him personally. The distance between the head and the heart is only about 18 inches but it could be the longest journey we ever make. Do we really know Jesus?

In my case, it happened suddenly at the age of eight. I remember it as if it was yesterday. I was on the bus on the way to school when I suddenly realised that there must be a God, and Jesus is His Son. All I had been taught by my parents and teachers seemed to make sense. Somehow, I knew it was all true. 

Since then, I have felt His presence and guidance and help many times in my life.

WHO IS JESUS TO YOU?

(The video at the top of the right hand column entitled Time for Reflections may be of interest to some readers).

Wednesday 11 September 2024

Make me a channel of your peace

 


Make me a channel of your peaceWhere there is hatred let me bring your loveWhere there is injury, your pardon LordAnd where there is doubt true faith in You
 
Oh, Master grant that I may never seekSo much to be consoled as to consoleTo be understood as to understandTo be loved as to love with all my soul
 
Make me a channel of your peaceWhere there is despair in life let me bring hopeWhere there is injury your pardon LordAnd where there is doubt true faith in You
 
Oh, Master grant that I may never seekSo much to be consoled as to consoleTo be understood as to understandTo be loved as to love with all my soul
 
Make me a channel of your peaceIt is in pardoning that we are pardonedIt is in giving to all men that we receiveAnd in dying that we are born to eternal life

Tuesday 10 September 2024

Classroom Stories

 


Classroom Stories

After a day of listening to my eighth graders exchange gossip, I decided to quote Mark Twain to them: “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

After considering my words, one of my students asked, “What does it mean to remove all doubt?”

======================= 

For 98 percent of the students at the school where my wife teaches, English is a second language. But that didn’t stop them from giving her Christmas cards. Still, their enthusiasm for the occasion sometimes exceeded their grasp of English. Among the many cards that flooded her desk were: “Happy Birthday, Grandma,” “Get Well Soon,” and “Congratulations on Passing Your Driving Test!”

=======================   

Walking through the hallways at our middle school, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, “How did you get yourself into this?”
Knowing he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. “Are you okay?” I asked. “Can I help?”
He lifted his head and replied, “I’ll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker.”

=======================   

I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, “I always liked you. You never had favourites. You were mean to everyone.”

=======================  

When our school librarian announced she was changing schools, my fellow teacher asked a student, “Why do you think Ms. Richardson is leaving?”
The third grader opined, “Because she’s read all our books?”

=======================  

My father began teaching business classes at the local prison through a community college. On his first night of class, he started a chapter on banking. During the course of his lecture, the subject of ATMs came up, and he mentioned that, on average, most machines contain only about $1,500 at a given time.
Just then a man in the back raised his hand. “I’m not trying to be disrespectful,” he told my father, “but the machine I robbed had about $5,000 in it.”

=======================   

Performing Mozart should have been the highlight of my middle school chorus class. But after a few uninspired attempts, an exasperated student raised her hand and said, “Mrs. Willis, we want to sing music from our generation, not yours.”

=======================    

A junior in my English class gave a big thumbs-down to the autobiography he’d read. His reason: “The author talks about only himself.”

=======================  

When one girl had finished the English portion of the state exam, she removed her glasses and started the math questions.

“Why aren’t you wearing your glasses?” she was asked.

She responded, “My glasses are for reading, not math.”

======================= 

 During a parent-teacher conference, a mother insisted I shouldn’t have taken points off her daughter’s English paper for calling her subject Henry 8 instead of Henry VIII.

“We have only regular numbers on our keyboard,” she explained. “No Roman numerals.”

Courtesy of Reader’s Digest

Monday 9 September 2024

Spot the difference

 

SPOT THE DIFFERENCES
IN THE TWO PHOTOS
BELOW
 
 
 

Sunday 8 September 2024

Christian Falsehood

 

Being in a secular world is sad enough where people seem to have ceased to believe in God, in His Son Jesus, or in anything at all. Without God as their guide people create their own god in the shape of riches, possessions, power, influence, celebrity and whatever else can provide them with temporary pleasure and entertainment. 

At the risk of being "preachy" I feel I should point out at another danger in our society - namely Christian Falsehood.

This is the trend or fashion to invent sayings and notions that sound Christian in basis but in reality are far from such. This way, they lull people into a false sense of Christianity leading them to believe that all is well in their lives when the direct opposite is true. For example:

"God helps those who help themselves" - this is not Biblical. I have not found anyone in the Bible who said this. Taken in its literal sense it would mean that if someone is dishonest and does something wrong for gain or to advance himself then God is smiling on him and approving of his behaviour. Total nonsense of course. But often used as a saying to condone or encourage such behaviour.

"An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" - Let me first quote Leviticus in the Bible where this comes from: "If a man injures his neighbour, just as he has done, so it shall be done to him: fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth; just as he has injured a man, so it shall be inflicted on him. Thus the one who kills an animal shall make it good, but the one who kills a man shall be put to death. (Leviticus 24:19-21)

Let me explain that at the time this was meant to be a statute of limitation. It meant to say "don't go overboard and over react to what has been done to you". It was a set of rules to control what must have been an uncontrollable situation with people seeking revenge much more than what was done to them. It reminds me of a saying I heard once "retaliate first!" That is certainly not Christian teaching; and let me remind you that Leviticus was written many years before Jesus was born. But over the years, this saying seems to have been interpreted as a right to get your own back and to beat the other person as he has beaten you. No wonder the world is in the state it's in.

Here's what Jesus said about it, "You have heard that it was said, ‘AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.’ But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.

"You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.(Matthew 5:38-48)

"God answers all prayers" - Again, this is not Biblical and is not true. If God answered all prayers there would be no more funerals in the world and we would live for ever. God certainly listens to all prayers and He answers many in His own time and in His own way. It may not be what we expect but you will find it is always what is best for us. God's time is eternity and His ways are not our ways - so let us stop measuring Him by our standards.

"God is everywhere" - No ... He is not. God is where He is allowed to be. If a heart is closed and set against God, and the very existence of God, then God will not force Himself on that person. God will make Himself known to that person through various means but at the end of the day the choice remains with that person to decide for himself. No one goes to Heaven against their will.

"A loving God would not let us suffer for eternity in hell" - Another modern non-sense thinking. Hell exists all right; Jesus said so many times. But God does not send people to hell. They freely go there by their lifestyle choices.