Friday, 14 June 2019

L'Esprit En France


It all happened in France all those years ago. I was staying overnight at an old auberge in Paris. It had been a long day working on business as well as sight-seeing whenever the opportunity allowed. But now I was really tired and shattered at the same time; if that is at all possible.

I jumped into bed and, as a last dutiful act of loyalty to my employer, I decided to read a Census Report showing population trends over the years in different French locations and how this would affect our business in this country.

A few minutes afterwards, as I was reading, I noticed a ghost standing by the foot of my bed. He was staring at me. I was frightened out of my Census.

He was wearing an old style type costume, a bit like the three musketeers or something from that era. And he had a patch on one eye.

When I gathered whatever courage there was left lying around all over the place, I asked him, pointing at the patch on his eye, "Are you a ghost of a pirate?"

"Oh non, Monsieur," he replied in a typical French accent, "I am not a peerate! I got zis one day when I entered a room through ze keyhole in ze door, and somebody put ze key in ze door at ze same time!"

"Oh!" I said, as he continued.

"I also used to enter ze rooms by sliding under ze doors, you know. But I stopped doing zat too. One day, I slid under ze door and zere was a woman cleaning ze room on ze other side. She sucked me into her vacuum cleaner!

"But not anymore, Monsieur. Now I travel ze conventional ghostly way by walking through ze solid walls!"

"Oh ..." I said in an English accent; not knowing how to say it in French.

"Ze problem  about ze walking through ze walls," he continued, "eez zat sometimes zere is a cupboard in ze ozer room and I end up locked in a cupboard. Or if zere is a table or ozer furniture zat is low I get ze corner of ze furniture hitting me in ze private bits!"

I winced as I felt his pain.

At this point a clock somewhere struck 10:35pm.

"Oh ... I must go to my wife Suzette" he said. "Madame Penoir, my wife, she gets veree upset when I am late! I usually tell her ze stories zat I am haunting tourists in old auberges; but she is not believing me. She says she can see right through me!"

And with zese words, sorry ... these words, he jumped out of the window and landed in the river below. I think he was in Seine!

16 comments:

  1. Methinks those sorts of demographic materials must surely induce such nocturnal encounters. If one happens your way again, won't you send him/her my way? I'd love to meet a ghost!

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    1. There are so many spirits (ghosts) in the world Mevely that the chances are we have all met one or two. My favourites are from Scotland - Drambuie and Glenfiddich.

      God bless you.

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  2. Oh, Victor, it is probably more likely that you 'lost your Census' when you fell asleep and dreamed of this 'ghostly' encounter! I mean ... what self-respecting 'French ghost' would have the EXACT SAME (very 'British') sense of humor as you?! 'In seine', indeed! What had you eaten for dinner that evening?! I wouldn't eat that again, if I were you; lest this 'ghost's' WIFE also decides to pay you a late-night 'visit'!

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    1. Two things Suzanne ...

      That evening I had eaten escargots, (snails). It took me ages chasing them round the plate before I finished them off. They were sauteed with garlick. I'll never eat them again.

      Secondly, the ghost's wife, Madame Crap Suzette Penoir, did visit me that night. She stood by my bedside.
      At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
      Kept thinking I could never sleep with her by my side.
      But then I spent all night thinking how I might be wrong.
      And I grew strong.
      And I learned how to get along.
      And I survived.
      Yes I survived.

      God bless you Suzanne. Keep smiling and keep visiting here. Invite your friends.

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  3. Oh please promise us Victor that you will never gain back your "seinety". What would we do without you?

    God Bless ✝

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    1. As long as people smile, or laugh, at what I write I shall continue to think something funny to say. All I ask is that they share my writing by inviting people here.

      God bless you, Jan.

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  4. Your imagination has gotten to the next level, whatever that means. :) I think we all have to be in seine every now and then. Keep the humour always in your daily life, Victor. Smiles travel miles. :)

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    1. Seeing humour whenever I can is what helps me keep going, Bill. Life can be difficult often; but I try to smile through it and hopefully make others smile too.

      God bless you my friend.

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  5. "Frightened out of my census." So clever, Victor! Yet another entertaining and amusing story here. Thanks and blessings!

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    1. I'm so glad you enjoyed this story, Martha. Thanx for letting me know. I have now come back to my census.

      God bless.

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  6. This must be another one of your dreams! : )

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    1. I think zis one waz for zee real, 'appyone.

      God bless.

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  7. Always a treat to read and I always either shake my head in dismay or giggle myself silly!

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    1. I guess either is good. Do you agree?

      God bless you, Terri.

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  8. Thanks for your post, and I always enjoy reading the comments too!
    Loved Bill's thought "Smiles travel miles. :)" … and they do!

    All the best Jan

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    1. Thank you Jan. I always try my best here to make people smile. I hope it works ... often. It is like having a good diet for the mind. Too much gloom in this world.

      God bless you always, Jan.

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God bless you.

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