A Ghostly Experience

Do you believe in ghosts? Have you ever met or seen one? Did it speak to you? What did you do?

My very first experience of a ghost was many years ago when I was a teenager. I was walking home late one dark evening and there on the ground, floating away from me as if frightened, was a baby ghost. On second thoughts, it could have been a white paper tissue. Now that's a story not to be sneezed at!

My second encounter with a ghost was in an old castle in Scotland. He was wearing the full traditional Scottish costume. It was on a dark and stormy night when suddenly a gust of wind blew his kilt right up in the air.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified. He must have been just as frightened as me because he broke wind. I think he was putrefied.

I discovered later he was known as the Farting Ghost. His name was I Ken McWind.

Another more recent encounter with a ghost was at the home of an old lady I used to visit every now and then. In this case there were real manifestations like movements from one place to another. I used to visit her and find that she was sitting at a different place from where I'd left her the previous week. Never in the same place. Sometimes on the armchair, or on the sofa or in one case she was sitting on top of the fridge.

There were also sounds involved in that ghostly house of hers. I remember once we were in the kitchen and she was making me a cup of nettles tea.

Why do people drink this stuff? It tastes like the product of a skunk on diuretic!

Anyway, we were in the kitchen and we heard voices in the living room. Like someone talking. I asked her whether she had kept the radio on. She said No. I asked her to stay in the kitchen, I put her on top of the fridge, and I went to the living room. The radio was not on, but the TV was. Strange or what? I switched the TV off and the voices stopped.

Do ghosts speak in different languages depending where they are from? For example in France do ghosts speak in French? Or would they know you would not understand and they would speak to you in English but with a French accent?

Are ghosts always indoors in houses, castles and the like? Or can they be outdoors? If outdoors would the ghost be Al Fresco?

Do ghosts predict your future and tell you what is to happen to you? Like the three ghosts from the past, present and future in that ghostly story whose name I can't remember. It was something to do with Christmas as I recall. What the Dickens was it called?

And if they tell the future, are they truthful or do they lie? Can you see right through them? I wonder.

Are ghosts more frightened of you than you are of them? I mean; it can be quite an experience for a ghost to be alone in a house and suddenly humans come in and turn the lights on and behave as humans normally do. The ghost must hanker to the good old days when he too was human. Imagine a ghostly lifetime without chocolate? Maybe that's why they're always miserable.

Do ghosts age? Or do they stay the same age as the person who died? Could it be possible that the paper tissue I saw was indeed a baby ghost? Are a collection of ghosts a roll of toilet paper? You don't see many of them these days.

Are ghosts always humans, or could animals become ghosts? Can you imagine a whale of a ghost? That would be very big to even enter your house. Our home is so small we would have sardine ghosts.

How about inanimate objects? Can they be ghosts too? Can you imagine a chair being a ghost? As you come to sit on it it moves away and you fall to the ground as all the other chairs and the table laugh.

How about the bed being a ghost? What stories it could tell!

I think my mind is all over the place right now thinking about ghosts.

How about you telling us your experiences or beliefs about ghosts. Is it true they can walk through walls? Or through a key hole?

What happens if you put a key in the keyhole just as a ghost is passing through? Do you get a ghost with an eye patch on one eye?

And finally ... do ghosts go to the toilet? If not, why are there sometimes droplets on the floor?