Monday 11 January 2021

Quote Unquote

 

 
When writing a letter, or a text or e-mail; read it carefully in case you can be misunderstood.
 
Here are some quotes from letters to Housing Associations and Insurance Companies.
 

Letters to Housing Associations.

"I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage."

"I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall."

"Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant."

"Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink."

"I am a single woman living in a downstairs apartment and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night."

"This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get the News Channel."

The following are allegedly real quotes from insurance claims

Question: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?

Answer: Travelled by bus?

"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"

"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."

"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."

"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."

"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."

"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. "

"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."

32 comments:

  1. Dearest Victor,
    Some, about the older, sound a bit sadistic...
    Hugs,
    Mariette

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think the writers meant to be sadistic. They just don't know their grammar.

      God bless, Mariette.

      Delete
    2. For example, ""I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."

      This could have been written differently: "Sadly, the old gentleman was too slow crossing the road; and I hit him with my car."

      God bless.

      Delete
  2. ...as you no doubt have learned by now, I'm an awful proofreader!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're not as bad as some of the examples above, Tom.

      God bless always.

      Delete
  3. Yes, these writers need BIG help with their grammar.
    Blessings, Victor!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's sad, Martha. Education is slipping backwards. Some teenagers over here have great difficulty with spelling. Most of their communications are in text like OMG, LOL and such with predictive text. I thought LOL meant Lots Of Love ... and got worried when a male colleague used it in a text to me. I kept away from him for a week!

      God bless.

      Delete
  4. That sounds about right for the times, too funny!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, and it's sad.

      God bless, Brian.

      Delete
    2. It is sad but true. Grammar is falling by the wayside much like good manners. Have a good day. God bless.

      Delete
    3. You are right, Nells. Grammar, good manners, general knowledge, common sense - very sad.

      God bless.

      Delete
  5. Poop reeding is deafinitly important?

    This was so funny Victor!!!
    God's Blessings My Friend

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A greed ... we moss cheque our right ings.

      God bless, Jan.

      Delete
  6. What a panic, these claims! The good Lord must have a soft spot in his heart for fools.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God likes stupid people. That is why He created so many.

      God bless, Mevely.

      Delete
  7. Stupid people can't even talk right never mind spelling words correctly. The planet is being dumbed down to a low level of intelligent.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly, you are so right, Bill. Stupidity is catching. Just watched a program on TV featuring celebrities. Their ignorance of general knowledge was outstanding.

      God bless.

      Delete
  8. You always have me laughing, Victor!
    Blessings

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I try my best to amuse my readers with different styles of humour. Thank you for visiting again, Lulu.

      God bless always.

      Delete
  9. These are too funny. I think I know some people who have excuses for everything. You are correct. Grammar and spelling have fallen by the wayside in schools. It was bad then, and even worse now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly it is getting worse amongst some students here in the UK. Some just do not want to learn. They will all be famous celebrities - they think.

      What annoys me more is when celebrities glorify ignorance. They say openly, "I am no good at Maths. I'm awful at grammar ... geography ..." or whatever is being discussed.

      God bless, Susan.

      Delete
  10. These are so funny!! I guess a lot of people don't read what they write before sending it in. Thanks for the laughs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's true, Happyone. They write what comes to mind regardless of how it is interpreted.

      God bless.

      Delete
  11. Some funnies here, My car was legally parked when it backed into another car. LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for visiting us here, Terra. We look forwards to your return, soon and often.

      God bless.

      Delete
  12. It's astounding how many ways there are to fracture English grammar.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks for sharing these Victor :)

    All the best Jan

    ReplyDelete

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