As I was saying ...

 

As I was saying before I interrupted myself ... ah yes ... I remember now ... I was talking to a friend in the street and he said he has been very busy lately. He has been working non-stop for three weeks. Personally, I think exaggerations have gone up by a million percent lately. Everyone is exaggerating and telling fibs. Not me ... I have never lied in all of my life. He told me he is hoping to start on a new diet soon to lose weight; but right now he had too much on his plate.

I think people should be careful with what they say, don't you? Words can be so easily misunderstood, it seems. At a Wedding Party recently our priest said publicly, "Marriage is such a Holy institution. Let us bless all married couples. All married people here please stand next to the one who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death! 

Yesterday I went to our local bookshop and asked the woman for a book about turtles. She said, "hardback?" I replied, "yes with a little head that pokes through!"

Whilst there I also bought a book about fixing things myself around the house. It's cheaper than calling in plumbers, painters, decorators and the like. My wife thinks that I am absolutely hopeless at fixing electrical appliances. Let me tell you, she is in for a shock!

I was reading in the newspapers about two thieves who stole a calendar from a bookshop. They both got six months. On a similar vein, a prison van collided with a lorry full of mixed concrete. The police are looking for some hardened criminals.

An odd thing happened this morning. I received an envelope full of rice. It was from uncle Ben. It said on the packet, "take one sachet and stand in boiling water for two minutes". I did that and burnt my feet.

He means well, my uncle Ben. He is an amateur philosopher. He is very old and has spent his life searching for the meaning of life. Now he is searching for his car keys.

He asked me if I could interpret dreams. He dreamt that he was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper. I told him he was dicing with death. 

A colleague at work is very annoyed with his Insurance Company. He is an atheist and the Insurance Company will not insure him against "acts of God!"

There isn't much good on TV these days. Only dust. The other day I watched a program about how they kept ships together. Riveting!

Last night my wife and I watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

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