It's the science

 

There are a lot of scientific facts that escape our knowledge, and therefore, we deny ourselves the benefit that they impart purely because of our sheer ignorance. Had we known these facts ... then life would have been better for us.

This article will help explain some of the hidden science in the hope that we all benefit from what we've learnt.

Let us start with mosquitoes. We all hate mosquitoes and the pain they cause when they bite us; not to mention the possibility of spreading disease too.

Mosquitoes are prevalent at certain times of the year. They're everywhere. Outdoors in the garden or wherever we go, and indoors in our homes too. One way to avoid mosquitoes indoors is to have a chicken in your house. A live one. The frozen one in your freezer will not do. Chicken eat mosquitoes. You did not know that, did you? Science!

Mosquitoes know that chicken eat them, so they stay away. They actually "smell" chickens from far off. Science again. Even if an intrepid ninja type mosquito manages to bite a chicken through its feathers, the blood it sucks is not nutritious at all. So it is a failed attempt risking to be eaten anyway.

So keep a chicken in your house. If you go for a walk take a chicken with you. On a lead like you would a dog. Or train the chicken to sit on your shoulders like a pirate. Not that I have ever had a pirate sitting on my shoulder. I knew a vegetarian pirate once. He had a carrot on his shoulder. Better than having a parrot, I suppose. Parrots can be so dirty ... have you ever seen a pirate from behind!!!

Another insect that a lot of people are frightened of is the spider. Creepy crawling spiders in your house. The common name for them is "house spiders". Which leads one to wonder where they lived before we built houses. 

Now for the science. Did you know that spiders are afraid of sheep? You didn't did you? But they really do. If you want to avoid the situation of having a spider in your bath tub; especially when you want to have a shower or a bath; then put a sheep in your bath. Problem solved. No more spiders in the bath.

And now flies. To keep flies out of your home place a bucket of horse manure, (cow's will do also), in your garden. It will attract all the flies. Ideally, place the bucket as far away from your house as possible. Preferably near your neighbour's house. He will wonder where all the smell comes from and have multiple baths and showers thinking it is him that's beginning to smell. When you meet him or her, keep the pretence going by sniffing loudly and turning your nose up without saying anything. Be subtle about it and he'll never know about the bucket of manure.

Wasps and bees are also a nuisance in summer. Especially when you're on a picnic. Bees only attack when threatened. This is because once they have stung you they lose their sting, (that sharp tail-like thing they have), and they die anyway. Do any of you remember an English Rock Band in the 70s called The Police? Their singer-song writer was called Sting. Fancy being named after a bees bottom!

Wasps on other other hand attack when they want to, and can do it in swarms which can be highly dangerous. They do not lose their sting and attack time and again. The best scientific advice is not to have a picnic next to a wasps' nest, and if possible to wear a medieval suit of armour when you do so. Also, carry with you one of those electrified rackets that zaps insects in mid flight and fries them. Make sure the racket does not touch any part of your suit of armour as a short circuit is likely to fry your delicate parts. Another way of deterring wasps is by hanging brown paper bags to nearby trees. The bees, or wasps, will think it is another wasps' nest and fly away. Make sure the paper bag does not have the supermarket's name on it as this will spoil the illusion!

For larger creatures like skunks, squirrels, deer, rabbits and so on; the best way to keep them off your garden is by spraying talcum powder all round. Lavender scented is best, although lilac and pot pourri would do just as well. When I lived in London I spread lavender talcum powder all over the place and I never had an elephant in my apartment on the 31st floor. So I know it works!

Finally, if you have a pond filled with goldfish make sure you never drop any orange juice in the water, because the fish will think they are melting.