In praise of sloth

 

As I went shopping the other day I saw a sloth hanging from a lamp post. I asked him what he was doing there and he said he could not be bothered to find a tree from which to hang.

"You're such a lazy creature," I said, "hanging from a tree for up to 18 hours a day and going to the toilet whilst hanging there. No wonder they named one of the seven deadly sins after you!"

"That's easy for you to say," he replied, "living in luxurious homes with all amenities and many bathrooms. We sloth nearly didn't make it in life you know. Noah had to wait ages for us to arrive. As it started raining he sent out a search party with umbrellas, you know!"

"No, I did not know," I said, "why are you so slow anyway?"

"The females of the species are the worst," he went on, "they take so long to get ready when we have to go out! The other day we were invited to a wedding and by the time we got there it was their third anniversary."

"You should have taken a taxi or a bus," I suggested.

"Tell me about it," the sloth said, "my cousin was a bus driver and he lost his job within a week."

"Is that because he was always late?" I asked.

"No, that's part of being a bus driver anyway," he said, "he was fired because he kept forgetting his bus route."

As I was leaving, he added, "We eat leaves you know. Can you get me some from the shops? I can't be bothered to get down this lamp post and go up a tree!"