Saturday 2 April 2011

How to enter Heaven.

A man dies and arrives at the Gates of Heaven where he meets St Peter.

“Hello there …” says the Saint, “welcome to your final destination. You’ll like it here … it’s all about love. Can you spell love?”

“L … O … V … E …” says the man.

“That’s great,” replies St Peter with a smile, “you can come in!”

At this point the telephone rings and St Peter answers it. After a while he says to the new arrival:

“You’ll have to excuse me a minute … there’s something I have to attend to … it’s those Catholics … they’ve lit all the incense and set off the fire alarms … and they keep arguing about which type of Mass is best … I have to go and sort them out!

“Can you stay here at the Gates for a while until I return?”

Moments later a woman arrives at the Gates and the man recognizes his wife.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, “you’re quick to follow me … I haven’t even had time to Rest In Peace and here you are following me …”

“Well … yes …” she mumbles, “after your funeral … the hearse was speeding to the pub and it got off the road … and here I am …”

“Oh …” he replies, remembering a lifetime of nagging.

“What’s it like here?” she asks her husband, “does it need re-decorating? I've seen some lovely wallpaper ..."

He raises his eyebrows and says nothing.

"Don't be like that ..." she goes on, "is it easy to get in Heaven?”

“Very easy …” he replies, “this fellow, Peter, is very easy going … all you have to do is spell a word and you’re in …”

“That’s great …” she smiles enthusiastically.

“Can you spell Rachmaninoff?”

Ha … That’s a good one. I’ve never heard this joke before!!!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: If God had not meant us to laugh He would not have created the "dolphins" within us which are released when we laugh, and they tickle us from the inside, and make us laugh more! Dolphins are good for our health.


  1. i'd like to hear more about st peter sorting out the catholics, it sounds like fun. great post victor.

  2. Very funny! Great post, Victor!

  3. Hey, I'm glad we've released some dolphins !!!

    Thank you all for writing in.

    God bless you and keep smiling.

  4. Very funny Victor...

  5. Good one! I liked the bit about the Catholics lighting all the incense and starting a fire.

  6. Hi Andie and Sarah,

    Glad I made you smile.

    Watch out for those Catholics though ... if they have nothing to do they start another special collection. My priest always welcomes you with a collection plate in his hand !!!

    God bless.



God bless you.