Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Going to church with Rain Man

I recently went to church with a young autistic lady aged about twenty and her mother.

The young girl behaves and acts very much like Rain Man (Raymond Babbitt) in the Dustin Hoffman film of that name.

We were not at Mass. This was an evening meeting where we had a visiting speaker going on for hours on end discussing missionary work in various countries around the world.

The young lady’s mother left her with me and went to the kitchen just by the Sacristy to help prepare the teas and coffees and other refreshments for after the talk is over.

The talk started and the young lady’s mother had not returned, so we sat down and listened to the visiting speaker relating stories from various far off lands.

It was a very hot summer’s evening; and after a few minutes of sitting there, the hardness of the wooden church pews combined with the humid stickiness of the atmosphere to create a very uncomfortable feeling in the Southern regions of the human anatomy.

To be fair, my companion stayed quiet throughout the long ordeal although it was obvious she was getting a little uncomfortable and tired with the monotony of it all.

Eventually the visiting speaker stopped and the priest asked us to stand up for final prayers.

As we stood up I noticed that the woman in the pew just in front of me must have been wearing a thong. The reason I say this, apart from its obviousness, is that as she stood up her delicate flowing skirt got caught or wedged within the crack of her voluptuous derriere revealing its ample contours and curvatures.

Now normally one would tend to ignore such a distraction and look the other way; and believe me I tried; even though she was standing only inches in front of me. But what was an unexpected distraction for me became something completely different to my young lady friend. For her this was not right at all.

To my horror, she lent forward and carefully pulled out the skirt from whence it was caught.

Surprisingly, the woman in front of me did not feel a thing and did not react whatsoever.

I shook my head violently and whispered to my friend to leave it as it is.

To my double horror and near heart-attack she proceeded to lean forward once again and replace the skirt in its previously wedged position.

This time the woman felt someone touching her particular sunset; she turned round suddenly to see me standing right behind her and my companion busily reading the hymn book she’d picked up.

She was about to slap my face when she suddenly remembered where she was.

She sat down promptly and said nothing.

We waited until prayers were over and everyone was leaving. I asked my young friend to go and help her mother in the kitchen, and then I tried to explain to the unfortunate woman what had happened and that it was not really me who tried to do what I did not do.

I doubt she believed me and she left without saying another word.

And that’s another confession I’ll have to explain to my priest. He said once he looks forward to my confessions as he’s never laughed so much in his life.


  1. I wish I was your confessor, Victor!

    Hilarious :-)

  2. Wow ... would you really Remedia? I am blushing already.

    Glad you enjoyed this story. Thanx for writing in.

    God bless you Remedia.

  3. Hialrious. I don't know what I would have done, but I'm glad it hasn't happened (yet).

  4. Hi TJ

    It's great to see you visiting me here and taking the trouble to comment. Thanx. Much appreciated.

    Glad to see you enjoyed this story. Sometimes, humourous things happen in the most serious and solemn of places.

    God bless you TJ.

  5. I agree-- Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!!

  6. Hello Rae,

    How wonderful to see you visiting me here. Thank you so much for taking the trouble to write in. I much appreciate it.

    I'm pleased you enjoyed this story. There are other stories (serious and humourous) in the FREE E Books which you can download from the right.

    God bless you and yours, Rae.

  7. Congratulations.

    Your stories have reached the point where I am no longer shocked by your daily events. I find myself saying "of course that happened".

    For shock value from now on, you will have to post something mundane.

    God Bless you.

  8. Ah ... Michael.

    Check out my next post and let me know if it is mundane enough.

    God bless you.

  9. Oddly enough, I've seen the same thing happen in church! Seriously! The woman's skirt was caught just like the one in your story! I am just soooo glad Michaela didn't say anything - this was a few years back.

    "To my double horror and near heart-attack she proceeded to lean forward once again and replace the skirt in its previously wedged position." Lol. No way could I have held back my fit of laughter had I seen that. No way! My daughter (I think I told you) is mildly autistic and you never quite know what she will say or do. She doesn't see things in the same way we do. She's gotten much better over the years but when she was young Mass could be tough.

    Between men mooning us accidentally in church and women with wedgies I have to say that today's styles lead to a lot of surprises.

  10. Thank you Mary for your lovely comments which have helped me in writing my next post.

    You're a wonderful person and I appreciate your sense of humour as well as your sense of reality.

    Autistic people can be so wonderful and innocent.

    God bless you and your family, Mary.

  11. Thank God this has never happened to me! The poor lady may have believed you but was so embarrassed she wanted to hurry away.

  12. You're such a kind person Barb. I'll admit I never saw it this way. She probably left quickly because of the embarrassment of the situation.

    God bless you Barb.

  13. Oh my goodness, that was so funny! I got tears in my eyes from laughing. I just love your blog, it always makes me smile. God Bless you!

  14. Thank you Anonymous for your kind and encouraging comments.

    God bless you too.



God bless you.