Thursday 3 April 2014

History - The Tudors

A long time ago there was a Royal family in England called the Tudors. They ruled from 1485 to 1603.

In those 118 years there were five kings and the most famous was Henry VIII.

He was famous for wanting a son and married many times to achieve this. His first wife Catherine of Aragon was a Catholic and she gave him a daughter. So Henry VIII divorced her which upset the Pope. Henry created the Church of England with him as head. He got rid of Catholic monasteries but he still worshipped as a Catholic ... and executed those who didn't.

Living in Tudor times was not much fun. TV had still not been invented so people could not watch soaps for hours on end.

It was not a healthy time either. They had open sewers in the streets and toilets were a hole in the ground in the back garden. They often emptied chamber pots out of the window onto the people in the streets down below. Hence the phrase "Gardyloo !!!" which roughly translated meant "watch out for the water" (and what's in it) !!!

Umbrellas had yet to be invented; but I bet the Laundry Business was quite successful.

People had very odd cures for illnesses, like swallowing live spiders, covered in butter to make them go down quicker. And swallowing powdered human skulls, or eating bone-marrow mixed with sweat. They also believed in blood-letting. You'd go to the barber and he'd cut you up and let the blood out.

A man went to the barber's once for a haircut. As the barber was working on him the man looked down and saw a human ear on the ground. "Whose ear is that?" he asked.

The barber replied, "Hold it. If it's still warm it's yours!"

Hence the phrase "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!" which is a famous line in the play Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616).  

It was at this time that barbers also started a side-line of piercing people's ears whilst they wait. It was very convenient not having to come back for your pierced ear the next day. Other piercings however took a little longer.

Of course in Tudor times life was not as sophisticated as it is today. People had to use quills to write with.

These were feathers of various birds which had to be sharpened daily with knives - hence the word pen-knife. Once they sharpened the quill they used it to tap the keys on their computer keyboards.

Crime was also rife in Tudor times because people were generally poor. The same people appeared in front of the same judge again and again because of their repeated crimes.

The judge eyed a man carefully once and asked him "Have you ever been up before me?"

The man replied "It depends on what time you get up!"

On another occasion the same judge had two thieves before him. He asked the first where he lived and he replied "No fixed abode!"

He asked the second man where he lived and he replied "In the appartment above him".

Life for women was terrible in Tudor times. If a woman did not marry she often stayed at home with her parents and spent her time spinning - hence the word "spinster". She could not become a nun since Henry VIII had closed all convents.

Women could be punished by law for nagging and scolding. Women were warned in church to stop nagging and if they continued they were punished by ducking. They were tied to a chair and lowered in the river a few times.

If a woman continued nagging and scolding she was made to wear a metal mask which clamped on the head with a metal bar in her mouth holding her tongue down. She was then paraded in town as a warning to other women.

Football was a favorite passtime played between two villages. The ball was a pig's bladder and they started the game at a mid-point between two villages several miles apart. The idea was to get the ball into your village. The whole village population would play and there were no rules or referee. Anything goes. Just fight everyone else and get the ball to your village. Many people got injured and hurt. Great fun!

In 1540 Henry VIII banned the game because he needed soldiers for his army and too many people were getting injured and maimed playing football.

As mentioned earlier, around this time, lived a man called William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) who wrote many plays to make a living. Actors were all men who dressed like women to play women's parts. His plays were performed in various theaters for people to enjoy.

But some clever dick at some point or other decided to make life miserable for countless of generations by insisting that they learn Shakespeare at school. 

There's as much point in that as making people learn the scripts of their favorite cartoon videos.

That's ... That's ... That's ... That's all folks !!!!


  1. Oh Victor, you are keeping us entertained on the other side of the pond!

    1. Hi Noelle,

      Great to see you visiting again. I'm so glad you liked this History Lesson. More Lessons to follow.

      God bless.

  2. Hi Victor! I had no idea that Henry kept worshipping as a Catholic? I thought he was the head of the Church of England. Well, I learn something every time I come here, that's for sure!
    And the 'ducking' sounds horrid. I would imagine that would keep me from scolding. Good think my husband isn't a blogger, can't let this kind of thing get out :)
    The origin of pen-knife was really great to learn too. Funny and interesting post today!

    1. Yes Ceil. He continued worshipping as a Catholic and made himself the Head of his church, the Church of England.

      Sadly punishment for women nagging and scolding did exist as described. And it's true that the pen-knife derived from the instrument they used to sharpen quills. The many cures for illnesses are true too.

      Thank you for visiting Ceil. God bless you.

  3. Replies
    1. Hey it's great to see you visiting here again Cathy, and smiling too.

      God bless you always.

  4. ((( He was famous for wanting a son and married many times to achieve this.)))

    Hey Victor #1 don't tell any body's cells but "I am" really the in car, "I" mean the French incarnation of Henrie The V111 and "IT" is no accident that I helped conceive 5 beautiful daughters. "I" was con, "I" mean contacted in a dream that if "I" succeeded in not destroying any of these woman like "The Tutors" did, then through "Jesus" the new Adam, humanity and "I" might get another chance in Eden. In other words all of US (usual sinners) , "I" mean us human animals, no, no, all of us godly cells who believe that Eve, "I" mean woman are part of God's family, will succeed. NOW remember that "MAN" as GOD should love equally and then and only then will FAMILY LOVE be given another chance as man and woman in paradise during eternity and........................

    END YA SAY sinner vic? BE NICE! DON'T BE LIKE THAT NOW! :)

    I hear YAS! There's nothing wrong with you this Victor! "IT" is the rest of the world. (lol)

    Thanks for the laugh #1 Victor! It certainly beets spending time in this so called serious blog below who cuts us all too much slack if YA get my drift?

    > <

    Keep the prayers coming

    God Bless

  5. I always suspected that the Tudor times where holding out on us and where actually more funny than serious. All that plague talk. Pffft! That has to be a barrel of laughs. *grin* Thanks for the giggles Victor. I like your humour too. If we and our spouses could ever get to a pub for one evening, I'll bet we could have them all rolling in the aisles.
    Hope your day is blessed. ~:)

    1. It's good to laugh, Sparky. Great for the soul.

      I hope God has a sense of humour, or else I'm in real trouble.

      God bless.



God bless you.