Peculiar things happening,

Something strange has been happening to me lately. For the past few days I have been waking up in the morning with my feet sticking out of the end of the bed. Either the bed is shrinking or I am getting taller all of a sudden.

I was so concerned that I went to see the doctor about it. I am a bit of a hypochondriac, you see. So much so that when I die they will bury me next to a doctor, just in case!

The doctor tried to convince me I was not growing taller. I was the same height as the last time he saw me the previous day. In fact he asked me to stand next to a wooden measuring stick and measured my height to prove it.

At that moment the nurse came in and called him to a private phone call. He left the room to take the call. To prove my point, I took out my pen-knife, it has a little saw attachment, and I cut off about half an inch from the bottom end of the wooden measuring stick.

When the doctor came back in the room I told him I felt I had grown a little. He measured me again and was surprised that I was indeed half an inch taller. He phoned a specialist there and then. They discussed my case. They agreed to send me to another specialist in hospital to study my phenomenon.

They even want to measure another part of my body to see whether it is growing at the same rate!

Ehm ... ... ... I meant my nose. What were you thinking? Please do not make private jokes at my expense.

Why is it some people, women especially, laugh at small things?

You know ... ... ... I was thinking the other day ... ... ... as we grow older love and romance isn't as it used to be. What is the point being in bed next to a beautiful lady lying on her back, you're ready to be friendly, and she says, "the ceiling needs painting again!"