Wednesday, 22 May 2019

Scientific Facts



Did you know that Absolute Zero is the lowest possible temperature you can ever get to? You just cannot get any lower than Absolute Zero.

It is in fact -273.15° on the Celsius scale and −459.67° on the Fahrenheit scale. It is over 100 kilos on the bathroom scale if you have been over-eating lately.

At Absolute Zero nothing really happens. The buses will not run so it is pointless waiting for them at the bus stop. And don’t even be tempted to lick the bus stop sign whilst you're there because there may be all sort of germs on it.

Absolute Zero is also what most men get from their wives when they've said something that upsets them. 

Moving up from Absolute Zero, the highest temperature that has ever been recorded is on a ladder 35 feet tall. It was when an amorous young knight in Olde England attempted to deliver a plate of spaghetti to his paramour who was trapped in a tower because the door was frozen solid and he couldn't turn the key in the lock.

Which reminds me … I once saw a ghost with an eye-patch! He said he was going through the keyhole when someone put the key in.

Hot temperatures can be very hazardous to health, especially in the kitchen whilst cooking. Most accidents in the home happen in the kitchen. Scientists believe this would not be the case if people cooked their meals in the bedroom instead. But unfortunately people rarely follow scientific instructions.

The instructions on the packet of quick cook rice said “Take sachet out of packet and stand in boiling water for 10 minutes”. I did that and burnt my feet.

I also read in my Cooking Instruction Manual that to avoid tears whilst peeling and cutting onions you should do it under water. It works, but you have to come up for air every few seconds.

An elaborate meal is a bird within a bird within a bird. Basically you stuff and cook a small bird in a bigger one, say a baby partridge inside a chicken, and the chicken inside a large goose. Do not use a grouse for this because people with a grouse are not very cheerful.

To prepare a bird within a bird is very easy. Basically you have the chicken swallow the baby partridge and then the goose swallows the chicken. Whenever the goose opens its mouth the chicken’s head comes out and says “Cockledeedledoo !!!” and as it does so the partridge looks out of the chicken’s mouth and smiles. And swallows fly all over your kitchen.

If you want a cheap meal why not try road-kill. These are animals that have been killed on the road by passing cars. You're allowed to pick them up and take them home to eat. You can pick up dead pigeons, partridges, grouse, rabbits and many other creatures good to eat. A friend of mine had  a restaurant specialising in road-kill. It was called "From our grill to your plate!"

The other day I found and ate a road-kill. It was a half-eaten pizza someone dropped on the road.

Care for another glass of whisky?

16 comments:

  1. Make that a double … please?
    Oh Victor, methinks you belong on stage!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I used to be on the stage, Mevely. Years ago I used to compare a variety show consisting of singers, (pop and classic), as well as comedy sketches which I used to write. I introduced the acts and told jokes.

      Cheers and good health to you. God bless.

      Delete
  2. You have a few wires connected to the wrong terminals, all for our enjoyment...keep the crazy coming!

    I'd like mine in the rocks, two fingers...wait, if you go under water to peel onions, you'd give me two actual fingers on ice so make that two shots on ice...ooh that might not be a good request either, now i really need a whiskey just to ask for a whiskey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with you here, JoeH. Sometimes, when I'm really tired after a difficult day I need a whisky to help me relax from the whisky I've just had.

      God bless you my friend. Keep smiling.

      Delete
  3. :D Thanks! This was a good way to start a damp Wednesday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know I cannot compete with your knowledge of science, Brian. But in my case, what I do not know for real I just make up and people believe it.

      God bless you always.

      Delete
  4. Hilarious! It must have been a cold day on which that highest temperature was recorded.

    But about the road kill, I don't think it works quite that way here in Ohio. I knew a man who picked up a deer that was killed on the highway, but he said he was allowed to do that because he had a deer hunting license. I'm not a lawyer, though, so don't anyone take my advice. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello SpottedMetal. So glad to see you visiting here. Thanx. Please return soon and often, and invite your friends to join in the conversations we have here.

      I did not know you needed a licence to pick up a deer killed in a road traffic accident. Do you have to shoot it first to prove it was hunted?

      God bless you.

      Delete
  5. I think perhaps you should not have another whiskey, Victor!! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yep, I need that drink after reading this, Victor. LOL!
    Blessings, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheers to you and your family, Martha.

      God bless you all.

      Delete
  7. I knew someone in Alaska who really ate a road kill, it was a ptarmigan. Alaskans don't like to see wasted food. I'll have a shot of whiskey and a Guinness, please.
    Thank you, Victor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's from the grouse family if I'm not mistaken.

      Whisky and Guinness are in fact my favourites, Bill. Good health to you my friend. God bless.

      Delete
  8. Wow that sure is cold!!
    The water and onions really does work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you have to use special goggles or a diving suit to peel onions, Happyone?

      God bless you.

      Delete

I PRAY FOR ALL WHO COMMENT HERE.

God bless you.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...