Monday 18 November 2019

Modern Technology


"You know son, as your father, it is incumbent upon me to warn you when you do things wrong and all that ..."

"What do you mean?"

"Take your portable telephone gizmo that you have. I've read it is dangerous. A man at work the other day had one just like yours and he was watching something on the screen and fell off the ladder he did ... Kept going up and did not realise he had run out of ladder ..."

"Very funny, dad!"

"It's true boy. Also these contraptions emit bad things like microphone waves or something. They'll fry whatever little brain you got left. Like this thing you have always stuck to your ear."

"Dad, I have Bluetooth!"

"There you are then. It started already. You must see a dentist before it gets worse."

"Dad, it is called Bluetooth."

"I don't care what it's called boy. We didn't have it when we were young. Just the odd bit of tartar on our teeth, or a cavity every now and then. Not electro what's it illnesses like now. Also they let off magnets these gadgets. Magnetism gets out of them on your fingers when you touch the screen. It's even worse ... the magnet thingies fly off the screen and into you. Pretty soon when you get in the kitchen all the metal utensils will stick to you."

"Dad, you really don't understand about technology. It doesn't work like that. There are no little magnets and ..."

"Don't patronise me boy. I know more about technology than you'll ever know. Those table mats things, like the one you have, are just as bad!"

"They are called tablets! Mine is an Apple."

"An apple? When we were young that was a fruit, that was. You'll be telling me you have a blackberry next. Your grand-mother, may she rest in peace, used to make lovely apple and blackberry pies, she did. I'll tell you something else boy. There's no mention of technology in the Bible. When God told Moses to come up the mountain He gave him the ten commandments on real tablets of stone, He did. Not plastic tablets. They were well carved by a top class sculptor, I shouldn't wonder. God would have used the best of craftsmen to make His commandments; so they would last for ever. Mind you ... that careless Moses broke the first set didn't he, the clumsy oaf! But God had another set as a spare copy ..."

"Made on a photocopier, no doubt!"

"Don't be insulting, boy. Which reminds me ... that stupid microphone oven you got your mom in the kitchen. It's trash. It does not work. I put a few slices of bread the other day to make toast and they went round and round and were all soggy. Not toasty at all; like in the toaster."

"You did what? It's not meant to make toast. Why did you not use the toaster?"

"It was broke as well. The bread got stuck and I tried to get it out with a fork and got an electric shock! When we were young we used to make toast by holding the bread in front of the open fire."

"Are you against all form of modern technology dad? Shall I take away the washing machine too?"

"You might as well ... for all the good it's done. The other day I put my red shirt amongst the washing your mom put in and everything turned pink. She was furious you know. She blamed me instead of the machine, and withdrew her favors for at least a week ..."

"Poor dad ..."

"Don't mock me, boy. I know you're not listening and I might as well be talking to myself. I'll just go and watch the football on TV."

21 comments:

  1. This was very funny and I am just as ignorant with all of these gadgets.
    What I truly love are the bits and pieces of the bible that you blend in so beautifully.
    Loved it!

    God's Blessings ✝

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    1. I am so glad that you enjoyed this article, Jan. Modern technology can be so confusing; and they invent new things all the time, whether we need them or not.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  2. I'm laughing so hard, Victor. In particular, the line about Bluetooth. Don't tell him I said so, but your protagonist reminds me a wee bit of another resident here on Chapman Road.

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    1. So glad this made you laugh, Mevely. The reality is that all these new gadgets are confusing to most people. Including your neighbour.

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. New technology is great, but I'm done, don't need any more, much to the objections of my children. They insist I would love being able to just ask for lights to go on and off instead of touching a switch. Ridiculous! I do use voice commands for my refrigerator light tough, and it always works. Good think, because I have no idea where that switch is.

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    1. "though...and Good thing". Dang modern spell check thing is not that great.

      Delete
    2. I agree JoeH. Why do they invent so much technology which we do not really need. Just gadgets to make people buy.

      And another thing ... It is no use using that Tippex type paint to correct mistakes when you miss-type a word. The ink is difficult to get off the monitor when it dries.

      God bless.

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  4. This had me rolling with laughter, Victor! It made me think of my poor mother who, at 91, has no concept of techno gadgetry. It's fortunate that she can answer her cell phone and use the TV remote!
    Blessings!

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    1. The thing is that technology is moving too fast, Martha. I'm not so sure that we need it anyway. I feel sorry for some people who find it difficult to manage.

      God bless you and your family.

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  5. My mom was afraid of computers. We bought her one in the 1990s and she was afraid it would blow up on her. We tried to convince it was a great way to stay in touch. She continued to write letters which was good but we thought a computer would be great for her. Some like the technology sone don't. I think I hear my smart fridge talking to me, gotto go. :)

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    1. I know what you mean about computers. They sometimes behave as if to annoy us. You switch it on and for some reason it does not function as it last did when you used it. You get a new screen with some garbled message you don't understand.

      God bless, Bill.

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  6. You are right on. Pretty sure all these gadgets are some sort of sanity test. Wanted to pop in to say I just read your book "The Case of the Mystery Crime" and loved it. I had just finished a rather intense read and your delightful book had the affect of cleansing my brain palate. Funny and charming. Thank you.

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    1. Hello Patti,

      How kind of you to take the time to write in and tell me that you enjoyed "The Case of the Mystery Crime". It is people like you who encourage me to keep on writing and as best as I can to amuse my readers with light-hearted stories. You can see a whole list of the books I have written at:

      http://www.holyvisions.co.uk/visionsbookv4.htm

      God bless you always, Patti.

      Delete
  7. Each time I visit your blog I am thinking what a wonderful creative mind you have. This post was sooo funny! Modern technology can make life simpler but yet at the same time I find it difficult to keep up with "improved" versions.

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    1. Hello Alexandria,

      It is so nice to see you visiting me here again. Thank you so much. I am glad you enjoyed today's offering about technology. Please call again tomorrow for the follow-up article on this subject.

      I am grateful for your support.

      God bless you always.

      Delete
  8. Hilarious, Victor:) I have a love-hate relationship with technology, & have stopped trying to keep up with it.

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    1. So glad you enjoyed this article, Chris. Modern technology can be so confusing. Another similar article tomorrow.

      God bless you my friend.

      Delete
  9. We can't live with it and we can't live without it! : )
    Thanks for the laughs.

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  10. To err is human but to really foul things up requires technology!

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