I visited an old church in the countryside the other evening.
There was this historian giving a talk entitled “The influence of the Church in England from Chaucer to Henry the Eighth and Beyond”.
Given a choice between listening to that lecture and watching an important football match on TV I would choose the lecture every time. You know me, always willing to oblige and to please … Why is it that old fashioned marriage vows included the words “to love and obey”? Was there not a clause about football games in those vows? There should have been!
Anyway, the old historian did not disappoint. He lived up to my every expectation and went on and on giving us every minute detail about this most fascinating subject. He reminded me of one of the priests who visited our church recently; Father Ontoo Long!
He too went on ad infinitum reading his sermon from notes he must have typed on an old type-writer and stopping at every punctuation mark to add boredom to everlasting tedium.
I wondered as I sat there on those hard wooden pews which very soon numb the lower parts of your body … I wondered, if this historian stood side by side with Father Ontoo Long and they talked in unison would they put us to sleep in stereo?
My boredom was soon to be relieved by an unexpected distraction.
I noticed a few feet away just by the radiator standing against the wall a mouse crawling slowly towards me. He’d probably been disturbed by the historian’s monotonous voice, I thought.
The mouse stopped suddenly then ran back towards the wall. No one noticed him except me.
He then walked ever so slowly close to the wall towards the left of the radiator. Then he stopped again. Moments later he was joined by another mouse following a few feet behind. He too stopped and then the first mouse turned round facing the second mouse. They faced each other for a few seconds then the second mouse ran back towards the radiator followed by the first!
I bet those mice are married, I thought. Probably having an argument I shouldn’t wonder. Something like this:
Mr Mouse: Oh … why do we have to go to church every Sunday? That priest is so boring!
Mrs Mouse: We don’t go to church to see the priest. We go to meet God and to pray.
Mr Mouse: But God is everywhere. Why can’t we meet Him at home? I bet He’d love to watch the football match on TV!
At that point a sharp elbow dug deeply into my side and a harsh voice whispered “Stop snoring!”
Oh well … back to Chaucer and Henry the Eighth I suppose. Did they have church mice then?
Heeheehee! Yes, but those church mice could not argue to stay home and watch football on the telly. Maybe they wanted to go to the tavern and watch the darts match.
ReplyDeleteYes, most probably.
DeleteGod bless you, Mimi.
Hahaha … Fr. Ontoo Long. (Yep, I've known a few in my time.) Let's raise a glass to distractions!
ReplyDeleteIt was a welcome distraction for me, Mevely.
DeleteGod bless you always.
Father Onto Long sounds like a Fire and Brimstone preacher compared to one of our priests who with hid monotone and quiet sermons put us to sleep. The only thing that woke me up from his sermons was when those who were still awake shouted "amen"!!!
DeleteI would have gladly watched those two mice just to stay awake:)
God's Blessings Victor~
Years ago we had a priest whose sermons were just talks with the congragation. He did not read from any notes. He just stood there by the lectern and explained the Gospel of the day and how it translated into our daily lives. He was a rarity.
DeletePriests these days read slowly from pre-prepared scripts and are as boring as a cold rice pudding.
God bless, Jan.
LOL! I think like many I have come across a few 'Father Onto Long' but there certainly have been many more who have got it just right!
ReplyDeleteAll the best Jan
I think sermons should not be much longer than ten minutes. And they should be delivered as they mean it; not just read from a piece of paper.
DeleteGod bless you, Jan.
Totally in agreement with you here Victor :)
DeleteAll the best Jan
Thanx Jan.
DeleteGod bless.
Everyone knows a Father Onto Long, get to the point and let's move on. :)
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Say it from the heart and mean it. Many priests tend to read their sermons.
DeleteGod bless, Bill.
I've not had an experience with a preacher that put me to sleep, but I did have a college professor who taught, of all things, the Romance Poets (British mostly). It was a two o'clock class, and this woman had the most dreadful monotone you could ever imagine! Talk about being lulled to sleep, even though I loved the subject matter.
ReplyDeleteSo glad Fr. Ignatius always gets right down to business. :)
Blessings, Victor!
Thank you Martha. Father Ignatius is based on a priest I knew years ago. His sermons were just chats between him and the congregation. No notes or script were used. He used to explain the Gospel we just read and try to relate it to modern day life as it affects us. He'd obviously prepared his sermons beforehand, but because he spoke to us, rather than preach, people used to listen more carefully.
DeleteGod bless you, Martha. Thank you so much for your support of my writings.
And I do remember a management lecture years ago when the speaker must have been related to the college professor you mention. I can still hear her voice in my nightmares.
God bless.
I've heard some boring preachers but I'm glad to say it would be hard to fall asleep listening to our pastor! :)
ReplyDeleteSome preachers can be very good, indeed.
DeleteGod bless, Happyone.
Hi.
ReplyDeleteGod bless, R.
DeleteOur professional Football Games are almost all held on Sunday...I think God is playing a trick on us!
ReplyDeleteIt's either that or perhaps He likes football.
DeleteGod bless you, JoeH.