Your call cannot be taken at the moment. Please leave your name and number after the tone. BEEEP ...
Hello ... it's that damned machine again ... I swear you switch it on to avoid speaking to me ... Vic ... Vic ... pick up the damn phone ... this is an emergency ... it's aunt Elma here ... answer me Vic ...
(Pause)
Oh all right ... I guess you're not in ... or probably doing your exercises to keep fit ... mind you don't pull a muscle like you did the last time when you hurt your backside ... anyway ... when you finish doing what you're doing ... or when you come back home ... assuming you're not there already and avoiding me ... can you call back please. It's aunt Elma ... and this is an emergency ...
He's gone and left me Vic ... your uncle Jim has left me ... he's been gone about a week now ... we had a row and he walked out and left ... we've been married thirty-seven years, four months and twelve days and now he's left. So close to our wedding anniversary and all. He left a week ago.
He just got up and moved to the garage. This time it's serious because he took with him his country and western records. Waylon Jennings, Jim Ed Brown, Tompall Glaser and all that. He even came back and took the record player, the one you wind up with a handle and a small TV.
He's been in the garage for a week. He sleeps there. I am worried about his lumbago. You know ... his back pain ... not the Brazilian dance ... I tell you Vic ... he can be a right pain your uncle. Starting at the back of the neck and he works his way downwards to your backside ...
He comes in the house every now and then to go to the bathroom, or to help himself from the fridge ... but he stays in the garage. He even phones for pizza deliveries to the garage ... I heard him Vic ... he came in the house and phoned for a pizza ... I heard him say deliver to the garage not to the house as there is no one in the house ...
Can you imagine? I am a no one now ... after thirty-seven years, four months and twelve days I am a no one ... I could cry when I think about it. My mother warned me against him all those years ago. She said if he likes country music he is a no good bum. I once bought him a Frank Sinatra record and he did not play it once. He said it was not country ... he used it as a table coaster and put his beer can on it. What would Sinatra say ... turning in his grave if he knew ...
Speak to him Vic ... better write to him ... if you phone then the phone in the house will ring on account he doesn't have one in the garage ... and I will answer it instead. Write to him ... write to the garage so he gets the letter.
I can see him now as I talk to you ... he parked the car in the drive and he's sitting in the armchair in the garage ... the one he took from the house and he's listening to Willie Nelson ... you know ... the one with the beard ... I bet he comes in the house soon for more beer.
Bye Vic ... waiting for your letter to Jim ... send it to the garage ...
...he sure didn't move far!
ReplyDeleteHe is just making a stand, or a sit down, protest. He'll be back soon.
DeleteGod bless, Tom.
Poor Aunt Elma! It's one crisis after another for her, it seems. Hope you can convince Jim to come back into the house, Victor. :)
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
I'm keeping out of it, Martha. I don't get involved in long distance marital affairs. In fact Glasgow is not far enough. I'm sure he'll be back when she cooks him a haggis with neeps.
DeleteGod bless.
Sometimes a little separation is a good thing...I know the forced separating from my first two wives has worked out very well.
ReplyDeleteI am not a fan of Sinatra either. I once mentioned to someone that I did not get why he is so popular...he is just not that good. The person replied, "You're right, he is probably just a flash in the pan!" I have since amended my critique to, "He is just not my cup of tea."
I agree. A little separation is a good thing. I think people should try a trial separation for a couple of months before they get married. And I agree about Sinatra. He was OK but I preferred Dean Martin when comparing that era. It's like comparing The Beatles to the Rolling Stones, I suppose.
DeleteGod bless, JoeH.
Yes on Dean!
DeleteHe seemed more talented somehow.
DeleteGod bless, JoeH.
Poor Uncle Jim! I've heard of stay-cations before, but not to one's garage. Far better than a pup tent, I suppose. BTW, I like country music, too. Hope that doesn't make me a 'no good bum'. Ha!
ReplyDeleteNo of course not, you certainly are not a no good person, Mevely. I like country music - Waylon Jennings, Tom T Hall, Merle Haggard etc ... Which artists do you like?
DeleteGod bless always,
As, thanks! My playlist favorites are Waylon, Willie, Merle, TG Shepherd, Earl Thomas Conley. And Toby Keith never fails to get me up on my feet. :)
DeleteI'll have to check out TG Shepherd, Earl Thomas Conley and Toby Keith. Thanx Mevely for telling me about them.
DeleteGod bless, my friend.
Uncle Jim doesn't have to go far if he wants to get back to Elma. Hope he likes the garage for a living space, gives himself some time to think it out.
ReplyDeleteI guess it's home away from home. He goes to the house for his comforts - the kitchen, the fridge, the bathroom and so on, and back to the garage for TV and country music.
DeleteGod bless you, Bill.
Dearest Victor
ReplyDeleteWhat a saga of sorts.
Not a world of excitement for both of them and since Jim escaped the frightening narrow circle he's allowed to move in, a kind of Elma-mould, let him decompress in his garage!
Guess she will start missing his presence and might appreciate him just a little; much needed thought!
Hugs,
Mariette
You are right, Mariette. A little distance and absence will make both of them appreciate each other more. At least she knows he is in the garage and not somewhere else where she does not know where.
DeleteGod bless you always.
😏
DeleteOh, dear. It sounds like this might be serious, but i hope they are both willing to go to the marriage counselor.
ReplyDeleteI think their marriage counsellor has just divorced, Mimi!!!
DeleteGod bless always.
This is a story that DEFINITELY needs to be continued!
ReplyDeleteThat's a challenge, Kathy. OK ... I'll think of something in the next day or so. Please call back and see how it develops.
DeleteGod bless you and your family.
Will I have to leave a message when I call?
DeleteFor you ... I'll switch the answering machine off so we can talk in person.
DeleteI've written tomorrow's episode. See you then.
God bless.