Leave me alone ...

I'd had a long and difficult day. I wanted to relax. I sat there on the settee in front of the TV accompanied by a pizza and a Guinness. They are usually good companions when I'm alone at home. Together with a chocolate as well. It's what I call a well balanced meal.

There was something and nothing on TV. You know, the sort of detective program where you watch and don't in fact take it in. You're just watching for the sake of watching because there's nothing better before you finish your meal and doze off in front of the TV anyway. 

The telephone rang. I have an extension phone receiver next to the settee to save me getting up. I tried teaching the dog to answer the phone but he is too stupid. He just picks up the receiver and barks at it. The person at the other end thinks they've phoned a pet store, or a dog rescue home, and just hang up.

Anyway, the phone rang and I picked it up thinking it was the wife and children saying they'd arrived in Glasgow to visit aunt Elma for a few days.

It was not my wife on the phone. It was  a stupid woman asking me if I wanted to pay cheaper electricity. At 8:30 in the evening, I have a stupid woman asking me if I wanted cheaper electricity. Has she nothing better to do?

We have a system in the UK whereby you can get electricity from different suppliers at different contractual prices. Say you're with Company A, you ask to be moved to Company B; and it happens automatically. You still retain the same electricity meters which count how much electricity you have used; but from a given date you pay a different Company. There are many such companies to choose from. Same with the gas supply that comes into your house through pipes.

This stupid woman explained that by changing suppliers I could save at least £30 a year. That's about $39. I told her I was not interested.

She said I could change to greener electricity. I said I did not care what colour my electricity was. She explained that some electricity is made by burning fossil fuels; this is not environmentally friendly. And that by changing to green energy, such as solar, or wind powered, or even wave powered energy I could reduce my carbon footprint.

For a start, I did not know that the size of my footprint could change. You just wear a certain size shoes and that's that. Why change to a tighter smaller size and risk getting sore feet or worse like bunions or carbuncles. As for my footprint being made of carbon ... what's that?

Anyway, what is the point of having electricity made by solar power, or wind or even waves? I want my electricity all the time; not when it is sunny, or windy or the sea is stormy. How do people get electricity at night, or on a calm day or when the sea is as peaceful as a pool of oil? At least burning things, like books, produces enough heat to make electricity. And there are so many bad books aren't there? (Not mine).

My guess is that most people would rather pay the least for their energy, rather than pay more to get electricity from sustainable sources and save the planet. I may be wrong.

She tried to explain. I told her as politely as I could that I was not interested. I picked up a piece of pizza. The pepperoni and sausage slices slid off onto my lap with a generous dose of tomato sauce. I cursed under my breath. Put the pizza back on the plate and tried to clean my trousers as best I can with a serviette. 

She kept on talking. I just put the phone down on her and cut the conversation off. The music played on the TV signifying the end of the program. I did not know who did it. Did the detective catch the murderer? Who was it and how did he do it?

We have a TV system over here called +1. Say you're watching a TV station called Aurora. If you go to Aurora +1 you can see the same program but an hour later. So if I quickly go to the +1 channel I can see the program again which is about to start. What a nuisance. Just because of the stupid electricity woman I now have to watch the program all over again from the start to see who did it.

If I do that, I'll miss the soap program on another channel which does not have a +1 feature. 

What a dilemma. See the soap program, or the detective film all over again?

Or perhaps I should ring the electricity lady and spoil her TV viewing by asking her what are my different choices of electricity and gas Companies.

Oh by the way ... we have another TV feature over here whereby you see a program and towards the end you can choose what ending you want. They show most of the program, then at the end during the adverts you can e-mail the TV company and choose an ending out of three or four they have filmed. The one with most votes, (happy, sad, tragic, or funny), is the one they broadcast as an ending.

Whilst watching The Titanic, I e-mailed them and said I wanted an ending where they sink the iceberg. They replied that I was stupid.