Kevin in the middle

 

Once upon a time there was a school of fish. That is in fact the collective term for a lot of fish; but in this case it was really a school of fish. That is a school where little fishes go to get an education about the facts of life. Where do baby fishes come from, why we should avoid worms floating at the end of a crooked piece of metal, why a net does not necessarily mean we're about to play basket ball; that sort of thing.

The teacher at this school was an old shark; which is rather ironic that one of the sea's most dangerous killing machines was in charge of innocent little morsels. The head teacher of the school was a whale with a speech impediment whose voice was so shrill it became popular as a soundtrack for relaxation CDs. Why is it people believe they can relax to the sound of whales going whoooooo whoooooo?

Anyway ... let's continue with my story. But to digress, whilst researching this article I discovered that whales actually do fart underwater. That's a true fact you can research yourself. The volume of their toot is so voluminous (big and in huge quantities) that by the end of the motion the whale has sped 100 miles underwater! Like a balloon when it loses all the air inside it.

Where was I when I started? Said the whale ... as well as me before digressing.

Oh ... by the way ... another real fact. Did you know that if you break wind and it's very cold outside  ... like snowing ... the gas emission does not smell. It's because of the effect of the cold on what is released. True ... try it out next winter to find out!

As I was saying before my imagination side-tracked me. In this school of fish there was a small sardine called Sadi. There were also pilchards, anchovies and salmons amongst other species of fish. The teacher was teaching about the class system in society. I know this sounds a bit far fetched, but it was that kind of school preparing youngsters for a life of achievements, success and eventual disappointments.

Sadi said that when she grows up she wanted to end up in a tin of sardines with olive oil; not tomato sauce like the other more common sardines and pilchards.

So you see, even in the nautical world there is a class system which is instilled in young minds at a very early age.

I guess most countries have a class system of sorts. Here in the UK people can be upper class, middle class or working class. But even these classes seem to have sub-structures within them. Like really upper class born from nobility and having names like Quentin rather than Kevin or Dave. Then there is upper class through wealth rather than breeding. People who have made it good in life and hence consider themselves superior than the middle classes. You can distinguish these nouveau riche upper classes because they eat fish and chips, or burgers and fries, with white gloves on.

Then there is the upper-middle class and the lower-middle class, the difference between them being a moot point and only a source of argument and debate between individuals in these classes since no one else seems to care. These are the people who, if they cut a finger, would pretend it was cut opening an oyster rather than a tin of baked beans. They would make guacamole with real avocados rather than squashed peas like a lower class person would do. 

And finally there is the working class, which in itself is divided into many sub-structures each pretending they are better than the other in being at a higher level in an altogether lower strata in life.

I've often wondered why we humans feel the need to classify ourselves as being better, or not, than someone else. We distinguish such levels by the place where we live, the size and type of house, the car we drive, the school and universities we've attended, and so on and so forth.

Apart from the fish, of which I spoke earlier, does any other animal species have a class system? 

What is the impetus or the drive that makes us want to compare our status to others? I can understand the need to better yourself in life. To do better perhaps than your parents before you. Indeed, it seems to be most parents' ambition that their offspring do better than them. But why the need to classify yourself in a group that is considered superior to others.

I believe here in the UK we have a class system so that we have someone to dislike. The upper class dislikes the lower classes and so on. 

If you live in another country and you want to feel British then create a class system like ours. 

Either that, or pretend you don't know who Jesus is. Over here people would say, "He was a great teacher ... a healer ... a wise man ... a religious man ..." Very few would say He was/is the Son of God. 

Once at school, when I was young, our teacher discussed the class system in society and I claimed to be in a class by myself. I don't think my teacher was impressed. But she did not ask where in the hierarchy was my individual personalised class situated!