The lyrics go, "Forgiving you is easy ... But forgetting seems to take the longest time."
That's the problem with forgiveness. Many people feel they have forgiven the wrong done to them and then when the memories come back they get all angry and upset again and believe that they haven't forgiven.
Let us look at forgiveness more closely.
Forgiveness is an act, not a feeling. You decide, actively, that you will forgive someone who has hurt you. This means you will not seek revenge, retribution, compensation or feel resentment or ill-will towards the person who did you wrong.
Of course, the memories will linger on. The slightest event will bring back the whole situation to your mind and will make you angry or upset once again. This is only natural. Don't worry. Use these moments of remembering again as an opportunity to actively forgive once more. Hand over the person who hurt you to God. Pray for them. You cannot possibly hate someone you pray for. Say to God, "I hand this person to your love and mercy. Forgive them for me!"
What if the person who has hurt you, and never sought your forgiveness, is now dead?
He is no longer your concern. Stop agonising about it. This person is now before God and has seen the situation in all its facets. God will now deal with the situation and that person's role in it. You should pray for that person when the memory of the wrong-doing comes to mind.
What if you need to seek forgiveness from someone who is now dead?
Obviously, it is now too late to seek forgiveness from him. But it is never too late to seek forgiveness from God. Confess your wrong-doing to God and honestly and earnestly ask for His forgiveness. Provided you are sincere and repent God will forgive you.
And once God has forgiven you this is the end of the matter. Stop picking at the situation over and again. Stop feeling guilty at your wrong-doing. God has forgiven you. By picking at the situation you are insulting God in that you are saying He has not forgiven you. That He was wrong that He forgave you.
How do you think He feels about that? Doubting His love, His mercy and His forgiveness.
Accept His forgiveness graciously and move on with a joyful heart.
..."Forgiving you is easy ... But forgetting seems to take the longest time" is so true. I am reminded of the shooting at the Nickel Mines Amish School a few years ago. Nine girls were murdered, their parents forgave the shooter, but they will never forget.
ReplyDeleteIt is natural, and often a good thing, that we do not forget something that has happened. Yet we should use such events to forgive again. You mention a good example.
DeleteGod bless, Tom.
Yes, that's a great song. (Love Willie!)
ReplyDeleteI sure appreciate the way in which you get right to the heart of the matter (forgiveness) in a way I can understand. 3+ years later, I'm still distressed at the way in which my boss mentally abused me. (Worse, that I allowed it.) Which of us, then, is really to blame?
Dear Mevely, thank you for your kind words. In the example you mention, your boss is the one to blame, not you. It was your boss, intentionally or otherwise, who chose to cause you such pain and distress. Often, in such a case as you describe, we feel guilty that we allowed something wrong to happen. That we let it continue. That we suffered in silence perhaps. This too, is a natural human reaction. This guilt transference from the wrong-doer to the victim is, perhaps, a subconscious attempt for us to minimise the actions of the wrong-doer. A subconscious attempt to forgive him perhaps by saying "it was my fault as much as his".
DeleteDo not let such feelings drag you down. You are not at all to blame for letting it happen. Your boss is and was to blame for the actions that he/she took.
Hand the situation to God. Tell Him how you feel about your part in the situation. Ask Him to forgive your boss on your behalf and to give you His loving peace.
Praying for you. God bless.
Thank you, Victor.
DeleteAt your service, Mevely.
DeleteGod bless.
You asked: What if the person who has hurt you, and never sought your forgiveness, is now dead?.. Thanks for your entry and explanations.
ReplyDeleteI KNOW that FORGIVENESS in one subject for us humans to fathom, You make a very good stab at it. Again THANKS for kicking in memories I need to work on......
Sherry & jack over here.
Many thanx Jack for your kindness to me.
DeleteOften we agonise when someone has hurt us and is no longer here. They may have moved away to another town/country without seeking forgiveness. Perhaps they don't even care whether we forgive them or not. Perhaps they are now dead anyway.
The situation is now no longer in our hands. Sure, the memories will still hurt us; but the situation is no longer in our hands. If the person is dead, they will have met God face to face; and God will have explained the situation to them. Their part in it and their guilt, if any. It is up to them, then, to repent and seek God's forgiveness ... or not.
It is no longer your problem. Just pray for them.
I am praying for you and yours.
God bless.
You don't need to wait for people to ask to be forgiven. Just forgive them, in your mind, in your heart, whether they are there, living or dead, doesn't matter.
DeleteAmen, River.
DeleteGod bless.
Great reminders.
ReplyDeleteThanx Kathy.
DeleteGod bless.
A wonderful take on forgiveness. We humans do need to let it go after God has forgiving our issue but for some reason that seems to be very hard.
ReplyDeleteYes Bill, often it is difficult to accept that God has forgiven us. We still feel guilty for our part in a situation. Our subconscious will not let it go.
DeleteThis is a good opportunity to thank God, once more, for His love and mercy in forgiving us
Thanx Bill; God bless you and your family.
Amen, Victor! This is a great reminder for all of us.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, my friend, and thanks for the extra prayers and comment on my blog today.
Thank you so much, Martha my dear friend.
DeleteGod bless.
You've explained forgiveness so well.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteGod bless.
Dearest Victor,
ReplyDeleteA very good and valuable post to many that are insecure in their Faith and/or are still dwelling on some old hurt. It is important for letting it go, once having taken care of forgiveness and indeed, let their and our final Judge handle it all. No living soul ever will escape his/her final Judge!
Hugs,
Mariette
Thank you so much for your kind words, Mariette. Forgiveness is so essential to our salvation; as we say in the Lord's Prayer.
DeleteGod bless you and yours.
💞
DeleteI forgave my ex-husband on the day I woke up and realised the hate was gone, then the memories didn't hurt anymore. It was just one more thing I had to go through to get where I am now.
ReplyDeleteYes it takes time, River. Pray for those who hurt you. You cannot possibly hate someone you pray for.
DeleteGod bless.
Forgiveness is so important, "But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:15. I think about this often, thanks for the post.
ReplyDeleteThank you Terra for visiting us here. You are so right about the Bible verse.
DeleteGod bless.
You are correct in what you say, and there's another aspect to it.
ReplyDeleteYou can forgive, meaning you will not seek any retribution, but that does not necessarily mean you will restore the relationship.
For example, if someone abused you, and you know this person would continue to abuse you if you continued contact, you can forgive but refuse to see the person ever again. Protecting yourself from the person does not mean you haven't forgiven, it is being prudent.
You must be a mind-reader. I have a post on this for Sunday.
DeleteGod bless you, Mimi my friend.